Commercial Break

Yes, the last post was November 25th. I know. I am sorry.

I think I will say that I will be back right after Christmas. I just need to regroup. Took too much on in the home organization department, but when you can't walk in your kids' room anymore, you don't want it that way come Christmas.

So a lot of stuff is gone, a lot is in the carport, and a lot is in the crib. The Christmas cards are bought. The pictures taken. The baptism has occurred and was lovely.

But despite the nagging bloggy thoughts I'm having, I'm going to go balance my checkbook instead. I will be back. I promise.

MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Today's doings and a book report

Today we went to the hospital because some sort of clear liquid went down my legs. But no contractions. So we went to the hospital, and it was nothing much. Thanks to two friends who babysat in roundabout fashion while I watched TLC and the Discovery Channel at the hospital. Wheee! What did I watch? Adoption Story and Baby Story. I watched Dennis Miller until he decided it was fun to make dumb Pope jokes, which I feel are beneath him. Change of channel. One lady in Baby Story had twins at home on the floor, labor happened so fast! SCARY!

There is no labor going on here.

We have been remodeling the kitchen, and it is pretty much done, and it is gorgeous. Will have to post some pics of that.

I was thinking how much I wish I could insert a microchip in my husband's head. That microchip would contain the books I've been reading. He almost never reads what I read, and me telling him what it was just doesn't do it justice at all. It seems this is a common wife complaint. Guys tend to have the attention span only for magazines. Oddly, the sci fi and fantasy books he does read are actually pretty tough reading. And not what I would seek out. I do read them sometimes. We both really like George RR Martin's fantasy series, but he's putting off Dance With Dragons FOREVER, and it's killing me! But that's an example of something we both like.

I thought earlier in this blog that I might change the tack of things somewhat. It might be fun to do book reports. I know Barb wants me to. So far I've only got to recommendations, but I'd like to actually do a sort of book journal, and copy whole paragraphs in here for folks to peruse and reflect upon. I think I shall try.

Rikki's husband came upon a book called Eliminate Chaos, by a local author and home organizer. I have to say, it's by far the best book on the subject I have seen. Before and after pics help, and she just has a lot of really good ideas, along with some ideas on how we got stuck in our big mess anyway.

Here is the book!

I shall be using this book. Happily, my kitchen has been decluttered, because I had to box everything and take it out. Now I shall only put back in what I really use. Hooray! Huzzah! Then I can go after the boy's room. Notice, I am carefullly avoiding my own room, which is too scary to contemplate. We shall not be allowed to move til I conquer this place, though. You'd think that would motivate me, wouldn't you?

Time to go make dinner for the two kids who are home. Two others have gone to a pack meeting with daddy, which I am soooooo thankful for. Thank you honey!!!

A bit of an update on that whole thing.

I thought I'd post this, too.

I think there are two things to learn here, maybe.

One, ask for help. DO NOT WAIT until you have a major crisis if you can possibly help it. If you don't like relying on others, I guarantee sometime in your life, God will humble you by making it so you don't have a choice, and can learn from that. I'm not a fan of learning God's lessons the hard way, but in hindsight, it's always what was best for me. Stay at home moms can be extremely guilty of this, but so can anyone.

Do not tempt God. If you do not learn the lesson the first time, He will be back. Some people call this karma. Same difference to me, it's real.

Secondly, do not judge. It is hard not to, humans are judgemental creatures. It is soooo hard not to, believe me, I know. But often I'll make a judgemental statement and have it erased and be feeling foolish within minutes. Seriously. You'd think I'd learn. Happened today, in fact.

I cannot be in another person's shoes. I hope they make different decisions sometimes, but love and joy are things that are often overlooked. Prayer can be the best thing.

Here is the update on Dawn. I had learned of this earlier, but now that it's public, I assume permission was given to share this kind of info for the betterment of others. I should also point out that I feared some serious unhappy emails after my last letter, below. I thought surely I'd get all kinds of "CPS sucks" kinds of emails. But no! At least five people wrote to thank me for adding a bit of perspective and to share how they found out CPS could be helpful. Oh, thank God. I was so blessed by their responses!

Ok, ok, here it is:

Dear ones,

I have received numerous requests for an update. Thank you on behalf of Dawn, Dillon, John and family for your love, concern and many prayers and sacrifices!

The outcome of the more permanent placement decision was delayed by the judge until Monday the 23rd.

I am realizing that God is working for full healing, not just the temporary fix. This process is a severe mercy.

Dawn is in immediate need of medication for serious chemical imbalances in her brain and body that until she accepts, she will not able to safely and successfully care for herself, Dillon or her husband.

As many of you know, she is extremely adverse to non "natural" treatments. The specific types of medications she needs will necessitate her ceasing breastfeeding which is a great grief and cross for her. She has a few days left to nurse in between supplementing before starting treatment. The baby is still with the court appointed relative and she has very limited and stressful access to him. She needs that grace to make the right choices and follow through to get stabilized so she can get her health, her baby and her life back.

Pray that all the care providers and people she works with are kind, compassionate, full of wisdom and that the medication/treatment she will need has no side effects and works quickly and safely.


Presently, she is with her sister in Seattle. I know she would appreciate Weston Price/Traditional food type meals (whole foods, soaked grains, home made bone broths soups etc.) I am willing to get them to her, but I cannot organize this. More than anything they need prayers. Please continue praying!

God Bless you dear ones!


Holy Family pray for all of our families.
St. Michael and all the angels defend them.
St. Joseph protect them.
Our Lady of La Leche pray for them.
Jesus save and heal them.

More wisdom from Robin

Robin, you may remember, is someone who has just had her 13th child, and she was inviting many people from our area up to her house to take a look at how she does things and also to glean wisdom from each other.

When Joseph was born, he had breastfeeding issues. He's doing better, but this really is interesting to read. It's quite long, so bear with it, but tuck any useful info away in your head in case it helps to share her experience with others someday. Apparently it was a simple issue of being tongue-tied, but Robin didn't know that. So many of us who homeschool are also sort of crunchy granola types who don't want to do anything medical that isn't absolutely necessary, and so we put things off too long. Being sure that breast is best is one of those struggles. But sometimes, you just can't nurse. It isn't a failure! It just is.

I was at the baptism, so I did witness her first outing! It was beautiful.

So, here comes more Robin for your daily diet.


Friends,

Thank you for so many things; most of all the prayers for a safe labor and delivery.

Also, I want to thank you for your assistance and prayers as I struggled to determine how to overcome the breastfeeding and eating issues that Joseph and I have been moving through.

It’s been a long, rich, month of learning and bonding for us and our entire family.
In time I will type up the notes that I’ve kept about what I’ve learned from this experience specifically related to breastfeeding, that, in turn might help some of you one day. This note it more personal and about the experience as a whole, a little bit about our desire to breast feed our son but mostly about what a difference it made that I was able to ask for help and how invaluable your advice and support was.

Above all, I knew hundreds of people were praying for us and this was what they had to offer at this time; I felt it.

I want to take this time to say ‘thank you’ now. And, as much as I’d like to get a personal ‘thank you’ note to each of you who made such kind gestures, I probably never will. Thank you for the prayers, the kind notes, the words of wisdom, for calling your friends who then called me to share their wisdom, for the text’s, phone calls, food, breast milk; each and every effort has enabled me to focus on my baby, building up my strength and aiding my family to adjust to the newness and challenges. Every effort that was made was helpful!

Humbly, I admit, my situation can seem to me or to you at times as ‘nothing’ when compared to cancer or other tragedies, and it is so good to be reminded of that daily; what I’m trying to say is I think it is good to consider our crosses in light of others. In fact, I reminded myself of my current struggles in light of some of our past times of crisis and asked God to make clear to me really how big of a deal this all is. It was a good time for contemplating and recognizing this still is and was big deal to me and so many of you seem to think so too. Truly, the inability to provide the nourishment or nurturing that I’m used to being able to provide to my child at a time so vulnerable for both he and for me was an incredible burden at times if I let it be; many of you lightened that burden.

Also, thank you to those of you who risked sharing your story and encouraged me to be open to never being able to transition to breast feeding only; I know your struggle personally now and I empathize with all the sacrifice and decisions there are to make in cases like these. For those of you who were not able to transition to breastfeeding, I pray you’ll be able to rejoice with me as our steps towards succeeding at breastfeeding is growing each day yet still feel the confidence that you did exactly what God was asking for you at that time of your life.
I can see clearly that if I did not have the support system I had there is NO way I could have done what I did and God would have been asking me to sacrifice in a different way; as you did.

I learned a lot over the last month since Joseph was born; a lot about breastfeeding a tired baby and how to build up one’s milk, but, most importantly I learned to better listen to God each minute, each hour, each day and to yearn to hear His will in my intuition -trusting that, regardless of the outcome, that He is allowing these circumstances at this moment in time as an opportunity to be closer to Him and to emulate some sort of virtue to my family. Albeit persevering with the many ways to try and get him to nurse and to build up my milk supply and all of the sacrifice this requires from all of us, or, adding more supplementation recognizing that God might be asking me to humbly forgo at least some of my efforts and to focus on energy elsewhere at this time. In either case, and every variation in between, a mother’s calling is to remain close to God and as Mary answered her Fiat, to pray God’s will be done regardless of the outcome. Because of all of you, because of this challenge, I feel a little bit closer to understanding this, so, I thank God and I thank you.

I have had a lot of medical ‘stuff’ to deal with in the last 2 decades with my children and some of them, as some of you know, have been tragic and life threatening, but this one was so very different. I think in other cases so much was literally out of my hands; left to the experts and I just had to be obedient to their asking – prayerful and humble too -but mostly so much was relatively out of my ‘hands’. In this case, I felt so empowered one minute and absolutely helpless the next; I never imagined not being able to provide nutrients for my baby. I think it was the fact that I had so many options this time and the future was so unknown; I had to make so many decision and discern what was really best for son and for my family all while I was tired, fatigued and hormonal. (thank you for praying for my husband and teenage boys! J)

More than once I was alone with my son, with no milk and no way to supplement. This was really only momentary in the scheme of things but I did feel a small sense of what other mothers feel all too often as they struggle to provide for their families; physically and spiritually. I allowed myself to be humbly scolded for all too often taking so much for granted and I pray I will never ever forget the bounty I’ve been given; again, you are part of this gift. I have been given so much; much is expected.

The end of the story for us is not tied all up in a simple answer but I can tell you this; each day I felt a clearer sign that he was getting stronger and he was also learning to latch better each day and so I’m still continuing my efforts to build up my milk, to encourage him to nurse and as of this past weekend, he is not only breastfeeding without any supplementing or bottles but he is off the shield as well. Also, to my surprise, my friend told me he was severely tongue tied so I took him in for a procedure to rectify this. I assumed all of the professionals were taking this in to consideration so when some of you asked me if he was tongue tied I replied ‘no’, assuming I would have been told! I have come to learn that much of the medical fields believes that a child with this slight anomaly will not be adversely effected therefore they do nothing. I have learned that there is great discrepancy in the findings therefore I risked the minor procedure with the hope that the nursing would improve and we’d lessen any disadvantage to his speech in later years. In short, the risk of the procedure way outweighed the potential benefits so we did it; my GP was in complete agreement.

Except for a few doctors appointments, a daily walk with my children and a few short visits to my computer, I did not leave my room for a month; his baptism was our first ‘outing’. I know most of you don’t believe this but it’s true – I have witnesses! J. I’ve told my kids I want a handmade sign for my room entitled ‘Mother’s Monastery’ for this is what our master bedroom has endearingly become for us. I pray, as I’m given greater reign to resume ‘normal’ daily responsibilities, that I’m able to maintain the many benefit I obtained from this ‘quarantine’ time with my baby. With the little bit that I’ve experimented ‘getting out’ (of my bedroom or out of my house), I can see I’ll have to be careful. A ten minute task can so very quickly end up being a 45 minutes deterrent from tending to my son; I’m just learning to accept this and plan to limit activities for several months if need be.

The fruits of my being tied to my room, pumping and nursing, in my case, have been bountiful for my family. This may not be the case for you in the past or for some of you in the future; you may only be able to commit to this type of regime for a day or a week, but that’s not the point. The point is, we prayed as a family about what we felt God was asking us to sacrifice for this baby, for this time period and He provided the means for us to move forward; often it include you.

Those of you who don’t get a returned phone call or a reply to an email may not think so J but for now, I’m focusing on building up my strength, Joseph’s weight and nursing abilities and thanking God for my family and for your friendship and amazing wealth of support to help me grow spiritually and as a mother. I realize I am one of the oldest mom’s having a baby, don’t let that discourage you and please don’t focus on this set back, instead hone in on the help that came flooding my way when I simply shared my plight. Let my set back and need for help inspire you to imagine how much more humility there is to gain and thank God I’m going ahead of you and can share what I have learned to influence you in a better way seeing recognizing that we’re all reaching for the same goal; discerning God’s will for each of us and helping each other, especially our spouse and children, to get ot heaven.

Wisdom; what a gift. If there is one word that I’d use to summarize the intent of our support network, it would be ‘wisdom’ - sharing it, gleaning it or humbling reaching for it. The family of generations ago is fragmented so, for most of us, the guidance in both faith and family stems from reaching out to families like all of ours; we need each other to help each other build our ‘mothering monasteries’, strong marriages and faith filled families.

In closing, I can’t help but focus on a ‘friend’ who is not as lucky as me. Ironically, (but it should not be such a surprise!) as my challenges started to lessen, I learned that a friend was struggling to ‘mother’ in various ways including breastfeeding. Having her first child over the age of 40 and newly married, in time we came to realize the baby was not gaining weight but she also was struggling with other mothering issues indeed there needed to become kind of intervention. Dear mothers in our community saw the need, dropped what they were doing and came to her aid. In some ways it was too late but in most ways it was just in time. Until, by the grace of God someone discovered their great need, she did NOT have the support group I did and somehow she fell through the cracks. I was able to share with her what I learned (From all of you) to offer some sense of guidance in a short period of time (it took me hours upon hours of phone consultant and research to determine what was the best action to take for my situation), I was able to share my milk, (which was the perfect age for her baby) and of course to consciously pray and to sacrifice for her - for now there is little more I can do.

I’m sorry to say her baby was taken by CPS. In the name of protecting the child this ‘organization’ has abused this child and family beyond understanding. Being a mother of a large family, Catholic and homeschooling I’ve been privy to other such cases and I’d be stupid not to admit our family is, sadly and unfairly, at risk. It’s heartbreaking and unthinkable the power others can have over the vulnerable and innocent. This family does need support, guidance and help and the baby above all was indeed in need of help but they need to be together. This family needs wise and experienced mothers like me and like you to guide her as so many of you were able to offer to me. Most of us are not called to this apostolate at this time but we can be aware of how invaluable our small acts of charity are when someone is in need, and, as with this case, let’s continue to check on one another, reach out to new mom’s, albeit their first baby or their twelfth and most of all pray in thanksgiving that we do have a support group therefore we have little to fear of lacking support in any way we need; just ask.
With love
robin

Dang, I'm tired.

I decided to write the first words I thought of. Sorry! :)

I have less than two weeks til my due date. The baby ticker is a few days off. November 22 is supposedly the day. That would be great if it was that day.

Tomorrow, nice people are going to come rip apart my kitchen and put a new one in. It will take three days, actually. The floor will be left alone, sadly, but I did not feel like playing with linoleum just now. I figured let them beat it to death one last time before I get a nice floor in there. New cabinets are going where none are now, which is very exciting. Can we say STORAGE? If you didn't know, this house is 967 sq ft. Storage is everything.

I've thought about getting a new house. The prices are ridiculously tempting. Seriously. But I want to be sure that we weather this recession as well as we are doing right now, and the last thing I need is a huge mortgage right when he loses his job or we have health problems or any number of things we can handle quite nicely if we stay put. There are definitely worse places to live. We have good neighbors, an almost safe neighborhood (never mind the knife murder in the woods and the bikini baristas on national news this fall...) and we live very close to many friends and our favorite family member. There's a lot to be said!

So... whenever we move, I always hate packing one place: the kitchen. It's awful. So what am I packing? The kitchen! And guess who ran out of boxes tonight??
Oh, and the bathroom. They are putting in a new vanity with some of the leftover granite. Oops. Better put all that stuff in the tub, I guess.

This will be worth it, I swear it will. I really hope my husband brings back boxes from work. Pleeeeze???

Good night, all. I will be slightly homeless for three days, but I will have my loverly laptop with me, and maybe I'll even make up for lost time blogging.

Eye candy and future plans for blogging

I know, you were just waiting for that. I'm sorry for not blogging, and there is ever so much I could blog about, too. I just really need to get on it, but there are ever so many things to do outside the blogosphere, too.

In any case, I was the Great Pumpkin and handed out Pinewood Derby cars at our cub scout pack meeting. This is how big my tummy really is. Now I have 2.5 weeks to go. Yay me!

I do have many things to write about, like:

Tunnel vision, or how you can end up only keeping people around who agree with you.
That book called Last Child In The Woods and how many times I've been nodding my head.
How we are going to try basketball this year right after soccer while having a baby.
The baby, of course.
Homeschooling
Discipline of the difficult child (every family gets at least one)
How thankful I am for our friends and current circumstances (a good thanksgiving post!)

Gotta take Gabe to his second to last soccer practice... ta ta!

Swine flu conversations

Where do I even start? Sheesh. Well, I'll post where most of my info is coming from, and I guess that'll do ya.

The news went crazy on Swine Flu about a year ago. It never did go away all year, worldwide, but then again, it hasn't really killed that many people. The odd thing is, it's only killing young, mostly healthy people, though at first it seemed it was those with underlying conditions, like asthma, heart disease, or cancer. It seemed very overblown to me, and to a certain extent, it still does. Lots of people die from regular flu every year, and while flu shots are encouraged, they are by no means mandatory.

Now, I'm told by my OB that he has changed his mind, and I really should probably have the vaccine, since his 20 year old family friend's son just died of it, and there was nothing but nothing else wrong with him. Up til then, he was pretty skeptical. My regular doctor was skeptical too, til now. And a doctor friend of mine one year younger than I am is a bit freaked out when she sees healthy people in the ICU or worse.

It is a bad flu season. But now I'm told they aren't even testing for H1N1, which means that there's a pretty good chance that either the government will ignore the whole thing and hope everyone else does, too, or else they will say that every case of flu was swine flu, but they can't give real numbers, so ho hum. All of which gives no one ANY credibility if there ever really is a threat, and I'm not sure this time is it. But I totally trust my government. Can't you tell?

Now that I was convinced to take the shot, of course, it's not available, even though I'm first in line as a pregnant person. The doctors must be going nuts. "I convinced all these skeptics and now you tell me there isn't any vaccine?!?" Yeah, this is going well. Sure am glad my kids don't go to school this year. I'm sure we'd have it by now if they did.

Here is an article from ABC news. It states that perhaps H1N1 is not nearly so widespread as was reported. Notice this was not front page news. No, no, tabloid news makes the headlines every day, not this important stuff.

Here is the Wired Magazine article out this month which brings up the case for vaccination to keep the "herd" healthy, which, if you are a cancer patient or otherwise immunosuppressed, you will very likely agree with. If you do choose to forgo vaccines, I do know why. There are many facts and rumors circulating, and some of them are true. I don't blame anyone for just skipping it altogether, quite honestly. But that's not my personal choice, though I did skip about 18 mos. after a bad reaction in my oldest.

Here is a book I'm reading on the history of both vaccines and the arguments that continue to surround them:

I like the book because so far it hasn't been judgemental. My favorite part so far is about the very early "variolation" done on Americans by Cotton Mather. The funny thing is, it was the "crazy" religious people around Boston who supported his work, and the doctors and scientists who wanted to practically lynch him. But his work, despite his complete lack of understanding but innate curiosity, is what led to the complete extinction of smallpox. So interesting.


There. That should keep you busy! Now, stay healthy!

Finding good mentors as wives and mothers, but mostly as women

I'm sending this along to y'all from The Common Room, which remains, several years after our introduction, my all time favorite blog. I like this post, because it introduces us to a bit of humility and perhaps lets us realize we are shooting ourselves in the foot when we think someone else's advice doesn't apply to our situations.

Seriously, how many times have you thought, "That wouldn't work here, not in my house," without even really seriously considering it? And how many of those women who try to give you advice are trying to give it to you because they can see where you are? Because they've really and truly been there? It's hard to imagine, because you probably weren't standing there with them, watching them go through it, especially if they are older than you. Everyone thinks their situation is different, and yes, it is. But sometimes it's not nearly as different as you thought. Obviously you can't go around following everyone's advice. You have to do what is right for you and your family. BUT... if there is a recurring theme in the advice you are hearing, perhaps, just perhaps, it really does apply to you, and giving it a try couldn't really hurt.

Not that I was ever a knothead. Nope.

http://heartkeepercommonroom.blogspot.com/2009/10/composite-titus-2-woman.html

Baby doing fine

I really had a need to blog today. I have been having an overload of thoughts in my head on all kinds of subjects, and they all need to get out! Seriously!

But since I'm on my way to Rosary as soon as my muffins are done and the Daddy is woken up, I will at least write an update.

Sunday night sort of scared us because I saw some blood. However, it appears it's somewhat external. But I didn't know that on Sunday. I think it's a vessel that's feeling too much pressure.

Because of the scare, I called my OB on Monday morning, and he said to go get another ultrasound. Despite my fears, I was delighted, because I really, really wanted to know if that was really a girl in there, and I still wasn't real sure. IT IS A GIRL! Woo hoo!!

They did everything, of course. I hate internal ultrasounds. I hate internal exams. I hate them, hate them, hate them. But the end result was some other good news: the baby is facing the correct direction. In fact, it appears she isn't even going to cause back labor. DH is right, girls agree with me more, boys like to torture me. Now, remember, I only have two of each, and one adoption, so I only have so much to go on. Some people notice a difference, some don't. Also, the placenta is fine, so that is excellent, too. I was wondering if I went off the progesterone too soon.

I did go to my regular OB after the ultrasound, and he was delighted to see the baby had turned. Hooray! I got a great ultrasound of her face, too. I can't wait to meet her. I wonder if she'll have tons of hair like Grace? Or mongolian spots? Each of them has had different shades of skin and hair, and I just can't wait to see. Healthy is a great goal, too, of course.

With just under seven weeks to go, I have some recurring thoughts. One is that I remember having a miscarriage four years ago. It was awful. Darned traumatic anniversaries. I always have to wonder, "why am I cranky and can't sleep?" and then I realize what month/week it is. My head has forgotten, but my subconscious definitely has not. February is worse. Thank goodness those are the only two.

I also am worried about labor. Lack of back labor is better, but I still may go for the epidural, just because I never have and think I've been through enough pain the last few times that maybe I've earned a break. Weird thinking, but well, my labors are long and hard, and I have NOT forgotten. And I just want to see for myself. First hospital birth for me, so this will be quite bloggable.

Breastfeeding. Did you know that it takes two weeks to get into the groove? Every darned time? I have horrible pain as I get going. But I know it will end. Still, it really is some awful pain, right when I'm most tired and cranky and emotional. At least I've done it before. I have had the weirdest sensation lately that I'm supposed to be breastfeeding someone. When the baby is born, it will have been 11 months since the last one stopped breastfeeding. Funny to think about. When my friends' babies cry, or one is inconsolable in the store, I feel a serious need to help that baby out. I don't remember that happening before. I must be getting more maternal.

That's enough updating for now. Off to pray for the world, and the world can't wait! Ha ha ha!

Dr. Ray Guarendi is a genius!

Ha ha... I did not get to hear him speak today locally, but my friend Rikki did, while I babysat her kids. In return, I got a mocha and my book signed by Dr. Ray, as well as another book by him, also signed.

Here is his main website:
http://www.drray.com/index.htm

Here are the books I got!






This dude really knows his stuff. I sometimes disagree with him, but generally he's much more right on that most psych types. Much more sensible, and has walked the walk, which helps, especially when it comes to adoption. They have adopted ten kids. What I loved was the part where he said they didn't really intend to keep adopting that many. "How can you accidentally adopt?" you ask? Oh, it can happen. I know a lady who says she adopted on of her kids through Fabricland in my hometown. It was just one of those conversations, and one thing led to another. I love it!

If you need something fresh and exciting in your parenting adventure, you have indeed come to the right guy. For most things.

Good Ol' September

Well, September has hit, but it's going better than I thought it would. It is crazy, don't get me wrong. We have soccer and scouts, and sometimes that means that my poor, long-suffering husband goes to work at 5am and when he gets back at 4, has a break and then runs out the door to pick up soccer eldest child and take him to a scout meeting late because well, we can't quite bi-locate. But that's only til the end of soccer, and only twice or three times a month. However, the oldest child will have soccer games right up til a week before my due date. So if I get an early baby this time, well, won't that be exciting? :)

I've started grading for MODG again, and it's going quite well so far. I've graded the papers sent me so far, so that's also good. I'm not behind yet! The families seem nice. I even got one back from a previous year. I'm grading 10th grade ancient history and lit, and one 10th grade religion. I have 15 students. Some are very cool. I am especially excited to hear from one who will be attending the canonization of Fr. Damien from Hawaii, which will take place in October.

My brain has been very full lately. That's why I like lists so much. Politics still take up a lot of my brain, but I post here less because Facebook is so much easier. Besides, a lot of my Facebook friends are people who don't necessarily see things my way, and that leads to some really cool discussions online, and some mind-growing on both sides. I really see that as valuable time, because the news on tv makes things seem like something different than they are. I like to find out how people think, and why they think that way, rather than just saying "they're just stoopid" because we differ. Even if it's a non-negotiable to me, like abortion, I'd still rather have the discussion than be dismissive. Too many people are dismissive of myself and my ilk, and how am I to be judged then, if I won't listen to them, either? Two wrongs don't make a right. More discussion is always better.

So, I could go on and on, but I won't. I'm annoyed with the total relativism which is now called "telling the truth" on so many levels, it makes me want to cry. So my only commentary is "always read the fine print" and "trust no one without reading it yourself".

Too bad so much of it is pages and pages long.

Actually, you know what? I think politics and professional sports are almost the same thing now. Incredibly overpaid, disconnected from the "commoners", and not "real" in a real life sense. Both are made up worlds which have almost nothing to do with me or anyone I know! Isn't it weird how far it's gone?

The baby seems to be doing well inside. My husband reminded me that my pregnancy with Grace was WAY better than with either boy, and that is very true. So I guess it might really be a girl, because I'm really doing quite well. I have another OB appt. on Monday, so that's exciting.

Yesterday was Brandon's birthday. He was excited for a month in advance, which makes me realize where child abuse comes from. Sorry, that's probably too honest, but AAGHHH... when he anticipates something, every single habit I thought we'd broken comes back times 10. Yesterday we had two things for his birthday that made it better, neither of which I planned: his first Tiger den meeting, and also free (did I say free?) tickets to the Barnum and Bailey Circus. We were up til 10:30 pm and the night before was Rosary, so they are pretty tired kids today. Gabe took a nap, and he is nine. But Brandon and Grace didn't. Darn.

Now that his birthday has happened, and he's opened his presents, he is a new, much nicer kid. He homeschooled nicely this morning, and I'm encouraged by his interest level for reading and math. I'm not sure how much to rave about the programs yet, it being only week 2, but I'm very excited anyway.

Tomorrow is a birthday picnic party, and Brandon will be having fun at the park and his sister and her mom will come. I'm glad they always make it to our party, and it's so good to see them together. Also coming: Mariah!! Mariah was returned to her birthmom about three weeks ago, and we miss her, as does the family who cared for her for 2.5 years. We're excited that they still have enough contact to have her over for our party! We're also excited that her half brother is now free for adoption as of this week, and we can't wait for an adoption party!! So much news lately.

Oh, and thanks to the NikePlus iPod thingy and my husband's dedication after some bad cholesterol numbers last winter, we can proudly say that diet and especially exercise MATTER. His mom and dad both have heart problems, but while his dad gets exercise, his mom really doesn't. You simply have GOT to make lifestyle changes and stick to them, and that's what my wonderful man did. I do know that some people cannot beat it no matter what, for some reason, but I do want to share our success in order to show how worth it it is.

In January 2009, we started going to the gym and really working on taking care of ourselves. And then, right after the St. Patrick's Day run, I found out I was pregnant. Oh well, put that off mostly for another year. I have been trying to get out and walk a lot, though. I need to get to that gym I've been paying for.

Here are the stats for my wonderful husband:
April 09 September 09 Normal Range

LDL 207 LDL 131 3-130 mg/dL
HDL 37 HDL 31 less than 40 mg/dL
Total cholesterol: 305 218 150-240 mg/dL
Tryglyceride: 306 279 30-200 mg/dL

all of these are bad. all good except tri

This is such good news. I'd rather he never got on those horrible medications, because of the side affects, and we both believe the less chemicals in one's body the better, from psych meds to birth control. Hey, at least we're consistent.

So that's all the news right now!

More informal home advice from Robin

Our friend Robin has been sending these lists out. Please pardon the grammar, it's all she can do to get it out there to other people, and a service I'm glad she's providing. It does provide a lot of food for thought. And it makes me really glad I have my boys in scouts.

Please keep in mind I am typing these as if I’d be speaking to you, short, brief, slang, to the point, no messin’ around…I’m tired, short of time but I do want to share what I have learned that might be of support to you.

Pray for me as I do for you, robin


11. Boys, boy’s boys: what do you do with your boys and how come very few families home school their older boys!

Robin Reply:

(I JUST sent mine into the mountains and told my husband to put them each atop a DIFFERENT hill and tell them, ‘good luck boys, come back men!!”)

Ok, I hear ya sister! There is nothing like boys; their kiss on the cheek, their bringing mom a flower at age 2, 12, or 22 is unforgettable, their smile, and now, as I have older ones, their ability to care for me and their sisters, the pride they exude when brining the fire wood and setting the fire, fixing the broken bike or lifting a heavy box for me; best yet, how my oldest son awaits in the car for me after the gym cuz mom is chatting; he leans over to open the door for me as a sign of his honor.

Ahhh, boys, I do treasure then and thank God for them as hard as it is cuz as much joy and passion as they stir in me that is good and noble, I often question if the irritation and frustration and SMELL far outweighs the joy that I may be showing! J

Boys are challenging and different and we, as woman, don’t have a natural sense to give them what they need; we need to work at it. It is our responsibility to work at it and it’s well worth our effort to work at it. I’m not saying to replace the father or male figure, but, just as we need to recognize we once were premenstrual therefore we need to forgive the hormone highs and lows of our daughters and NOT get caught in a cat fight for we are the ones who will look like a fool (what they are doing is NORAML, what we are doing is childish and dysfunction – I’ve been there), we also need to be able to step back and accept our boys for where they are at, in fact, to thank God they are moving through the prepubescent boyhood into man hood; allow it, praise it, honor it and often send ‘it’ far into the woods! J

I also believe not all boys are the same of course and I also find that boys, coming consecutively, vs. a girl thrown in there to balance out the hormone/testosterone influx, also makes for a very different dynamic. (i.e.: I have mostly boy, girl, boy girls, but the one time I had two boys in a row...WOW…VERY different dynamic! ) Then, depending on mom’s temperament, the size of the house and the makeup of the dad; all varying possibilities to the depth of dirt, intensity of the smell and regularity of the surprises a mom is going to find herself asked to endure! J

Two books I highly recommend are: A Parent’s Guide to preventing Homosexuality and Wild at Heart. They go hand in hand; the short message is, boys/men are different and woman/wives/mothers need to recognize this and honor this. we also need to provide the environment for them for their ability to live out /carry out what they need to become strong noble men; we need to inspire them and support them which means, as always, picking our battles. IT means making sure they have a good strong father figure and male figures to ‘hang with’ and to emulate. It means sacrificing to make sure they have their ‘time in the woods’, even if this time means taking over part of the house to play games, have a pizza party and learn to play poker and eat only chips and root beer – possible also ‘hot tamales’. IT also means when Dad decides to keep them out later or rough house with them past their bed time; relax mom, walk away, let them have their way and trust this is bonding that will encourage strength, courage, nobility and manhood. This is not to say a mother/wife cannot and should not discuss her preference and encourage sound decision by her husband other male figures, I’m just saying, if you read these two books, your attitude will change from one of irritation and resentment towards one’s husband for taking care of his masculine needs and for nurturing your son, to an attitude of gratitude for the support you are given for YOU can never replaces this male figure you can only do your best to understand it, support it and to invite noble male models into the lives of your sons.

I just counseled a mother of four boys; on her list of ‘irritations’ was how they take 3-5 pumps of soap and stay in the bathroom ‘trashing’ it for so long and peeing around the toilet. My example included; encourage the soap and the bubbles and the creative things they can do with those but for the sake of raising noble men to be loved by their wives or welcomed into a monetary; demand good toilet manners!!! Seat wiped, lid down and floor mopped up but have a 'hay day' with those bubbles and use all the soap you want; just leave the bathroom cleaner than you found it. What mom does not know won’t hurt; usually.

Aside: for all obviously reasons, (if they are not obvious, reply to me privately) we have an open door policy, room a few boys together at least at once and we keep the boys downstairs for schooling. Schooling takes most of the day hence, by the time schooling responsibilities are cared for there is little to no more time to be ‘alone’ in the room; some privacy is necessary but TOO much idle time and guaranteed privacy is leading growing boys into temptations; girls do not have this same risk.

To reply to the question of home school homes cool boys; NOW I GET IT! I see why so few actually home school their boys through high school! Those boys are becoming young men and it makes sense that a MAN is their mentor more often than a woman; I’d think this to be normal and healthy. So, yes, I have home school one son through high school and another son is graduating this spring (presumably...its only the start of the school year nowJ) But we live in a very inconvenient place to send them to running start or coops, or, I KNOW I would do it more or at least consider it son by son whereas I might not feel as much the need to make these sacrifices for the girls. Of course, any time we ‘set them free’ there are risks but in my opinion, if you focus on a strong foundation, and if setting them up with some outside support in the high school years is doable then this will allow them to utilize the tools you have provided. If, on the other hand, you are not able to provide that schooling support outside of the home, I recommend investing in sports, scouts, or other opportunities that your boys are able to bond with growing young men and to have other male mentors and above all encourage, inspire and support your husband’s time away from home with the boys!

12. Husband traveling waah, ‘woe is me’.

Again, I hear ya sista….but now I’m feeling very different that you probably are right now. Why? Well, long ago I realized that in my little family my husband’s main role is to provide the cash and to play with my kids, then as the boys get older to really invest time with them, to ‘date’ my girls and to fix an occasional leaky toilet, fell a tree or clean the gutters and in that order. Now, the later ‘house work’ part, because he bonded with the boys by teaching them how to do it, is mostly done by my boys. My husband travels to Europe when he does travel so at times he is gone 2-3 weeks sometimes doing this 4-5 times a year. Do to economic times this is slowing down but my point is, I’ve had some experience here. The main message I am sending is this, IF your husband’s job is calling him away, and you two feel this job is where God is calling him then it is imperative that you, or you support him and figure out what God is asking of you i.e.; get over it J, lessen expectations, hire help, simplify. We want to see the expectations of Dad diminished to just ‘being’ wit the family to relives the load from him. God will provide and we as moms/wives need to accept that IF God is asking our husbands to be gone that much then there must be other ways of doing things that we once thought was the ‘right’ way for we are blessed to home school, we are blessed to have support husbands and there are many creative ways to accomplish one’s responsibilities as mother, teacher and wife….having a pity party or resenting our husbands is NOT one of them. The time away for my husband can end up being a time that my kids actually speak to him one on one more than when he is home. We make sure we have set times to talk, he makes sure to speak to each one before bed, we all write to him via email and we await his arrival….all good things. Moreover, I do my very best (often not reaching my goals as completely as I wish but I do try) to welcome him home with joy and thanksgiving for his efforts – vs. my earlier years, a ‘woe is me’ type ‘you left me’ attitude. Traveling is NOT easy, it is tiring and they always pay for it before they leave and when they come home at the office; they don’t need us whining and complaining atop the other stress; as I have OFTEN done! Shame on me.

All that being said, consult other friends who have husband who travel; have a short pity party/ share your struggle and invite their words of support, ask your friends to inspire you, open your mind to ways to get support, ask for help, consider what help you need and, of course, if you try everything and your school, home and marriage are suffering, it is only right to take this challenge to Adoration, to spiritual direction together and to consider alternative jobs for him.

33. As I'm getting organized for school to begin, I'm trying to figure out what to do with all of last year’s school stuff. What of your children's work do you keep each year? I don't want to be a pack-rat, but I also don't want to throw something away and regret it later. Are there things your children enjoy looking back on or that you like to reference? Do you need to keep any work for "record keeping" purposes? Thank you!

Short reply by Robin Betz

Are you enrolled in MODG; if yes, then I’d recommend keeping very little. If NO< then, hmmmm, maybe we should solicit someone else but my instinct is still to keep very little!:) picture your children and your children’s children browsing through these ‘keep sakes’…..biology results, NOT, self made bible with illustrations YES! J

I keep all of their ‘stuff’ that seems really ‘dear’ and also that will keep easily i.e.: their blank books that they have illustrated their poetry, their science journals, their creative writing; you get the picture. But, boring math, NO WAY!


NEXT EMAIL:

13. Some kids in home schooling, some at conventional schooling:

I can’t say how much I empathize with those who have kids in both homeschooling and public or private schooling, at the same time; I understand the need to do this at times. We, too, did this for 2 years and it was a tremendous burden, but one that we felt God was calling us to turn into His cross and buckle down and do so heroically until other plans could be made. I did a wretched job of it; homeschooling was the last thing I did, homeschooling was so burdensome and my child who was homeschooling felt it. My lack of confidence and strength is doing less for the school and more for my school kids in order to bring the appropriate balance was great; I did my home school child a great disservice.

Diving ones’ energy between home and school is a great task. As you know, having kids in school means not only that ‘routine’ but all the many relationships and extra commitments and temptations. So, it is often necessary but it’s important to prepare in all ways for this and allow it to enhance your life, seeing it as the blessing that it is, allow it to strengthen your marriage and family, or, admit this is NOT where you are called. Learn from my mistakes! J

14. Prayer time in home:

You as a family may find prayers traditions that are workable and easy to obtain and these traditions may stay in place for…ever. Or, you may find that these commitments are just not doable any longer; accept this, alter this, seek councel and make a new plan that you see (and your spiritual directors sees) is set up for success.

Mom’s prayer life, apart from the family’s spiritual commitment should include:

- seeking objective direction and setting goals for the season from Spiritual Director and other wise mom’s

-Simple doable commitments – too big, you’re set up for failure

-. I aim for my daily prayer time to reach, one hour a day (including family rote prayers), one hour a week, one hour a month in Adoration and one day a year in retreat.

When there are signs that something is lacking, my defects are outpouring. With humility I pray now that God make clear to me early on when I am slipping. I must take the time to examine my spiritual life. At one point that I was struggling and I was clearly in need of spiritual strength, I took the time to examine my life; I realized I did not have an intimate relationship with Christ or with Mary. I wanted one. I needed one, so I sought one with expectant faith. I was doing a lot for God (or was I) but I was not close to him, I was not sure I was really doing what He wanted. I committed to building intimacy with Christ and with Mary in some way. In time I was rewarded. I knew I needed to be able to seek Christ during the day, pour my heart out to Mary AT the time of need not just at the start and close of the day and during ‘rote’ prayers with my family.

I needed to learn to rely on my spiritual strength when I needed it most; all day long and often during the night! This took my humility to admit my weakness, my effort to seek council and direction and the hope and faith that if I persevered I would be rewarded. In time, during my prayer time, I started to see Mary, in the Pieta. I saw her with her son atop her in her arms. I went to her, laying my woes in her lap. Someone later told me that Mary is depicted in the Pieta exponentially larger than Jesus, to show her ability to take on the weight of the world. Next came a scene of Mary and Joseph in their humble abode; I was sitting with them. I was able to just listen, to chat; the perfect scenario for conversation – me with coffee in hand and Mary with herbal tea! I was indeed given the opportunity for a close and intimate relationship with our Lady and with Jesus; the sweetest rewards

I still fall and lose sight of a rich prayer time, but, because I once had a fruitful prayer time, I can quickly resume this relationship with little effort. It simply takes me admitting I’m falling and choosing to make my prayer time a priority.

Lastly, I connect often with the vision of Divine Mercy and Mary; in both cases, their arms out stretched, their love and mercy outpouring. I am inspired to show this love and mercy to my husband, my children, extended family, to strangers and each person I am in contact with. If my personal prayer life is suffering, I must be very careful not to get distracted by outside opportunities. I must prioritize and choose to take the time to be with God and with Mary, I envision Jesus in the Divine Mercy, Our Lady in the Pieta, all reaching out to help and to guide me.

If ALL I do is pray and connect with God and Mary in the ways I explained, this is what I believe will be the best way for me to carry out Gods will for my family for my specific calling. In doing so, I feel a great spiritual presence and peace. I’m able to pray in a moment’s notice, at time of frustration and joy. I am now able to feel peace and joy amidst chaos! I’ve listed in my notes some examples of what is currently working for me. Find what works for you, stick with it until you, through self examination, or perhaps a good friends or husband’s honesty, points it out to you that the defects of an ineffective prayer life are coming across to those you love. Admit this, seek council, turn to God and anticipate with expectant faith an answer to your efforts to better serve him as mother as wife.

Family Spiritual:

With the other areas on life in order it’s much easier to discern what our priorities should be for our family.

Be a calm and dedicated example open to change in your family routine to make sure what you do emulates the virtue you wish to instill. One decade prayed with the ability to guide the toddler and maintain order is better than an entire rosary with tension and chaos. Keep in mind, the chaos may be perpetuated by mom! We invite the children to come be part of our prayer time, and we also excuse them to pray in their rooms until they can come and be reverent.

Take the time at your weekly and monthly prayer time to evaluate who to set your family up for success and to be consistently fed spiritually as a family. Be realistic so you are able to follow through. As I see it, dinner is time for mom to provide for her husband a pleasant experience and her children the opportunity to learn manners and dinner table conversation, similarly, family prayer time and Sunday mass is not necessarily time for mom to be fed in the same way as her own contemplative time. Make your personal prayer time a priority and then feed your children the gift of prayer during the day.

Keeping family prayer time a priority yet accepting where we are at, many years we have opted to pray Holy minutes at the top of each hour from 9-3pm, ending with the Divine Mercy and then we only pray one decade of the rosary at night. The demands of the school day and the rigor of chores and outside activities, nursing baby, chasing toddler, listening to teens, all important needs to be met, can diminish the opportunity for family prayer to almost nothing if we let it.

Choosing a child to set a timer and walk through the house announcing ‘holy minute’, everyone stopping to pray, can be a far more fruitful prayer time than making sure we all gather for family rosary. We’ll usually close our day then with one decade and private prayers while tucking in. In the summer, on the other hand, the days are longer, we stay up later, and stopping at the top of the hour is not practical!

The point is, we make it a priority; we set realistic goals and persevere to see them come into fruition, all the while, seeking objective council to determine if we need to make adjustments.

Included in my notes are examples of others ideas that have worked for us.

Foster the Faith in your Children:

Here is answer the questions posed to me about fostering the faith in my children. A strong faith life for my children is going to first come from a mother who emulates virtue. Attitude is everything. One’s frame of mind is everything. I can become overwhelmed by all the many devotions and liturgical celebrations I’m neglecting, or, recognize that if I can just manage the mundane tasks of this stage of my vocation right now, I’m way on my way to sanctity. Moreover, if I’m in the right frame of mind my responses to the needs of my family will ‘is this all He’s asking of me? Or, if I’m lacking strength, it’s ‘woe is me, why is he asking so much of me?”

One of the greatest piece of advice from a wise friend was this ‘pray for them one toilet paper roll at a time!” Her pet peeve was rolling and rerolling the toilet paper roll! This comment made a deep impression on me; whether it be picking up the toilet paper roll again, changing the diaper AGAIN, rotating the laundry AGAIN, picking up my husband’s clothes that lay on the floor NEXT to the dirty laundry hamper AGAIN, finding my chocolate nibbled on AGAIN, my latte cold AGAIN, the seemingly simple every day things that IF we are spiritually sound with our priorities in order, we can almost chuckle while counting our blessings as we move through and beyond that task yet AGAIN. But, if we are out of balance I can react as if I’m a victim, put upon living a life of drudgery, monotony, imprisonment. I admit I’ve felt this way!

These daily hassles are our opportunity to sacrifice, our road to sanctity, our cross to carry with Christ, NOT to become burdensome. I must pick up the cross God gave to me especially, He has promised to pave the way and give me the grace to carry a cross as He did. Or, I can fall into near despair and see these opportunities as burden if I don’t keep my priorities in order.

I’ve learned to pray out loud ‘Lord, thank you’ ‘Lord help me”! “Mary help me be like you!”’ ST Anthony, please help me find this thing, I want to bring God glory!” I pray this way for myself; to better remember and be influenced but also as an example to my children so they know prayer is what the core of my day is. They do not see me go to daily mass anymore, or even get to the chapel for a holy hour so I go out of my way to show them creative ways to still make God the center of my life; the core of my being, the foundation of my thinking and actions.

I still fall, I still am led into temptation to carry a bad attitude, but, I try to emulate with each sacrifice if this is how God wants for me to be refined; bring it on!

I was asked; how do you nurture prayer as a sacred and special time with your family?

My view is this: during family prayer time, as with meals, my job is not to be fed but to guide and set an example. This is why I carve out other time of the day to pray and to be contemplative. My older children learn to lead and focus while I get up, discipline, gently guiding, holding the child with an encouraging whisper, ‘look, see how Johnny is praying so reverently, I know you can do this too!”

Having regular battles in trying to get to daily mass for instance means one of two things, either you are not organizing well enough to get there, or, you are not called to go. If evening rosary is a battle zone; change the time of day. If I know my patience is low, we do what we call the ‘tunnel rosary’ upstairs. The girls and the boys rooms are separated by a hall way; the needs are in the ‘tunnel’ in between praying so both rooms can hear and I walk from room to room praying and rubbing backs; we’re set up for success.

If the dynamics of a large family with a lot of little ones overwhelm you, examine your attitude, this is the perfect opportunity for your older children to learn reverence and perseverance in prayer and in avoiding distraction. If your kids are exposed to a prayerful setting, in time, they’ll want to be like the others, to be part of the team. Reward the good, ignore the bad, and discipline the unspeakable!

15. Book cases:

A mom wanted some practical advice on books shelves; you know the routine reply ‘a homeschooler can never have enough book shelves!”. Well, taken with a grain of salt, that is SO true. But, lately, I’ve encountered some mom’s who have been blessed with an abundance of books, or ‘bookaholics’ perhaps! You know, looking at the book with through the eyes of ‘oh, this is a great book, its free, or its inexpensive, I’ll take it!” vs. ‘do I need this book any time in the near future? Do I already have 1-2 books on this subject?” In my opinion, less is better and orderliness with our school things is essential to a smooth running operation!

I change things up and around every so often when I need to but for the most part I have all of the essential school books for my children in one room; a library. I have other picture books in all the areas that will entice the children to pick them up and to read them or where they have their quiet time i.e.: a stack in the living room and a stack in each bedroom. I keep board books handy for the 6mo. – 2 year old until they are trained to respect the books. Having too many books is like having too many clothes for ones husband or boys; they wear whats on top each day anyhow so unless you rotate them you might as well just have TWO! J

As for the ‘series books’ those are ones that I will move to the room that is age appropriate i.e.: I want my 8 year old to eat up the hardy boys so I place them in his room. I want my daughter to ‘eat up’ the American girl’s books so I place them nicely near her bed. Atop this invitation both from me and visually, the books look nice and signify the character of my child at that time; I like that.

I have liturgical books in whatever area that I will be ‘hanging with my kids’ i.e.: right now they are upstairs in the girls room cuz our routine right now is for me to pray the final rosary prayers and to read to all of the kids from the rocking chair. But, after baby is born, I might move them downstairs near the couch where I will probably read to them after breakfast while I nurse the baby. One of my favorite things is to read and to learn about the liturgical year with my kids; something I put off for too long to get housework and ‘real’ school out of the way; a big mistake on my part!

As for our school books and library of literature; I have boxed up or tucked away yet labeled well the curriculum we are NOT using for the coming year. I do NOT keep very much that I do not KNOW for certain that we are not going to use. It feels better to me that someone else is using it and that I have that extra space. Cramming and piling books, like anything else, will encourage ‘cramming’ and piling to a greater degree and will NOT encourage the child to put the book back where it belongs.

We label each book with a sticker that includes the person who is using this year and the grade they are in. the front sticker will read, “Susie , 9th, 2009/10”. On the back of the book I have a sticker that does NOT change from year to year i.e.:

Lincoln A photo biography

Civil War

5th grade history

Week 27

“Us history and geography for 9th grade

Weeks 17-22

This label includes the title of the book, the time period it is used for, and the grades I will be using it for.

So, someone asks me if they can borrow a book, instead of having to look up my ‘plan’ I can look on the back of the book and let them know yes, or no. If I find the book lying around I know where it goes and who to charge for leaving it out. …you can see the benefit of setting this up this way. I aim to put these labels on each time I make an order and the books arrive. The success of this plan has inspired me to keep up on this.

What to write at 5am

My dear daughter got up at 3:30 am to tell me how someone was killing her with tweezers. I think this may have something to do with having put a rivet up her nose recently, and having had to go to the ER to get it out after Mom and Dad tried with tweezers but were worried they were doing more harm than good. Turns out, if you push their little noses into piggy position, you can reach up there and the scrunching up keeps them from moving their nose while you work. Took all of 30 seconds for the doctor to get it. Sigh. So she had a nightmare, perhaps several, and then around 4:45 I thought I'd go downstairs and just say hi to my husband before he leaves for work around 5am, which I never do. I just stay in bed. But even a whole Rosary did not put me back to sleep this time. I'll just be glad I went to sleep around 9:30. That means I did get six hours of sleep, which is just on the border of ok. My husband says during naptime I must go to bed today. Hm.. that would be if anyone in this house is interested in napping instead of a singing and dancing routine up there this time. Maybe a long movie this afternoon is in order. Say, the Incredibles.

Yesterday, I did too much. But it was fun. I went blackberry picking on the bike trail near my house with two friends, immediately followed by our homeschooler beach day, the last one. Then two hours at home and out the door for soccer. Brandon was plumb tired by 9pm. I should back up and say he just spent the night this week with his big sister by birth, Nicole, whom he adores. He is almost 7, she is 14. She is doing fantastic. We try to get together, but it doesn't happen as much as we'd like, her being a very busy teen with working parents, and us, well, not. But they had a great, great time, and he was sure tired. And I'm happy to report he actually did want to come home. I was kind of wondering if he'd pull his usual "I want to live with someone else", but somehow this time I think he was happy to see his bed. Maybe he knows where he belongs. I also found out, upon going to dinner, that his sister does not have as many birth family pics as we do. I find this out five years later? Well. I do believe I have a fair amount of scanning and prints to order before we see them at Brandon's birthday in a couple of weeks. She was glad to hear I even have a picture of her at birth, and how that ended up in Brandon's baby book, I have no idea. I'm glad it was mentioned!

So, planning. I need to make lists. Lots of lists. I think I will start with the one I hoped my husband would make, but he did the dishes instead, and who's going to complain about that? I need to make a list of what we expect to pay for that is outside the budget until the end of the year. This Dave Ramsey stuff really makes you want to think ahead. Shockingly adult of me, I know!

September (jeesh, coming right up)
Go to local fair
trip to Astoria for three days -- mostly gas
Brandon's birthday -- presents, cake, maybe a family outing
date nights if we go out
Buy chains for both cars, just in case

October
Go to see parents and also my friend and her maybe fiance. Must see boy. Very important.
Three birthdays in one week -- mine, Grace's and my father in law's
Halloween
snacks for soccer
buy popcorn off our own scouts (seems to happen every year)
(Put MODG check in savings, or use for Christmas? Hmmm....)

November
End of soccer parties and coach gifts
Thanksgiving
Baby (but no medical bills we know of, hooray!)

December
Christmas!

Priorities

I am reminded of something over and over, and it's in this book and on this website:
http://www.mothersruleoflife.com/

Disclaimer: Very important: Do NOT read this book in order to find "the perfect system". It is for you to read to make your own system, and to keep your priorities in order. Everyone wants to skip them, including me, and that is why people dismiss this book. In fact, the first half of the book is largely about the individual level of spiritual warfare the author had to deal with first, and that may be more important than the rest of the book.

She also has a question/answer website, and a workbook pdf you can buy online if that helps.

Remember the Five P's. THEY ARE IN ORDER. If you screw up the order, you shoot yourself in the foot. DO NOT try to argue with yourself about the order. You will only prolong the process, I promise.

The Five P's are: PRAYER, PERSON, PARTNER, PARENT, PROVIDER.
NOT the other way around, which is very, very often what we are doing. Which is why we are frustrated. You can't reach the level God asks you to reach as a person without prayer, you can't be a good partner to your spouse if you aren't taking care of yourself first, you can't be a good parent in the fullest way if you are neglecting any of the first three P's, and you are going to be one frazzled provider if you aren't doing the first four. When we put provider first, we sometimes neglect things that will be more important in 20 years, even if they don't seem important now.

So go give some thought and prayer to that, and chew on it a while. :)

check in

Hello All,
Please do enjoy perusing the amazing stuff below. I really enjoyed reading it. I have also been enjoying this book to death, and it has helped me come across this plan I think I may try out... Managers of Their Chores. You can get a set of four chore packs when you order the book. Perfect!

Here is the Duggar's website: http://www.duggarfamily.com/

Their life story is more amazing than I knew. You can also watch short clips from their reality tv documentaries on TLC/Discovery Health Channel. Unlike some reality stars, these folks saw it as God asking them to spread God's word and inspire people in a small way, and they were well grounded people before the tv crews came around. I think they were very blessed in that regard. It's hard to keep your head on straight otherwise!

Can you tell I'm working on organization?

Our floor is almost done, by the way. We had men and beer and pizza here til 11pm last night, and we hope for a repeat today. It shouldn't take too long... we just are afraid to use the saw ourselves.

Pictures will come, I promise!

A small bit more from Robin...

Here's the last bit...

These replies are not as thorough as some of the rest but they are ‘there’…let me know if you have more questions. I’ll continue to send the replies as I get them and then I’ll send the doc upon its completion. rjb



8. Order of the year: do you take time off? How do you motivate all year long?

Reply by Robin Betz: I do take A LOT Of time off. I tend to work like this:

Mid august start school year for some of all; always my middles and youngers. If I start my older kids I’ll start with math and probably the reading for some of their history and religion. Also, keep in mind, much of their summer reading is the required reading for the upcoming year; setting them up for success.

So, then, we often take a break by the end of September to get one last camp out in at the ocean. (Not always)

We always take the entire week of Thanksgiving off.

By Christmas we are week 16 and we take at least 2 weeks off.

We then take 3 weeks off at Easter; TWO before to clean and prepare our hearts leaving all of Holy week for the 'spiritualness' of it all. Then Easter week to play rest and begin gardening.

In doing this we are still able to take another week off if need be and still be done with school by testing the last week of May. We try to go away as a family that week leading up to testing before things get busy for the summer. We plan the summer fun; discuss what school we’ll be doing for the summer and any big changes.

During the summer we usually do 2 subjects per child; either lightly to brush up on things or wholly to replace something they’d be doing next year to lighten their load. Or, sometimes if they got behind they’ll be ‘catching up.’

9. Getting the entire subject covered?

Reply by Robin Betz:

As stated above; I think by making a plan and making sure one takes breaks; either longer ones like I do or shorter breaks more often, and stick to this plan to the best of your ability, you will feel more confident and more inspired to do so. I believe it is the times when we just go along, stopping for what ‘seems’ important that home school mom’s can feel a constant pressure yet also a constant temptation to sway from the plan. So, yes, we sometimes have issues getting the entire subject covered but I’m fully aware this is happening, it is a conscience choices and sometimes it’s perfectly acceptable, to stop short of completion depending on the subject and the demeanor of my child.

10. Several mom’s spoke of the challenge to be open to change; they spoke of being orderly and like to plan ahead.

Reply by robin bezt:

More often than not I meet idealistic mom’s , maybe my personality attracts these kinds of women, but the fact is, with so few boundaries and so many gifts and possibilities in homeschooling and in parenting in general, I believe we can fall into despair more easily than a mother who has a tendency to aim low or to procrastinate.

Mix Catholic, mother, wife and homeschooling with the tendency towards idealism and you have the potential for a rich life bringing forth Godly children; we also have the potential for neglecting our marriages and deep spiritual connection with God.

Homeschooling can either by our road to sanctity (and sanity J) or our downfall. We, as responsible adults should all be making plans and consulting God and other wise people who have gone before us for advice, however, we simultaneously must be open to change.

Home/homeschooling management advice (long!)

Last May, I went to a Catholic homeschooling conference in our area. A mom I've known for about eight years volunteered to be on a panel of "experienced" moms, and had such a positive response that she opened up her house to mommies with questions about every gosh darned thing you can imagine in a homeschooling family, or heck, just a family. We had quite a turn out. I was one of two vans who carted people from my town to theirs for the evening, and that was fun in itself!

After the meeting, Robin took down questions and started compiling answers. The following is the email we received if we wanted to be on her mailing list. It may not be well organized, but the notes are there, take whatever you can get from it. Robin and David are parents of 11 children, two in heaven, and one on the way about a month before me. She's the first to say she's learned a lot by not listening to hints from God the first time. It was a delight to hear her stories and visit her home. While none of us should strive to BE her, she's well worth learning from. The reason I say that, is that we should all learn to be OURSELVES. As God intended.

Here are the notes, before I lose them!

Dear interested J

I have been working on the questions that some of you have posed. I was going ot wait and send one doc. When it was complete but it is taking me longer than I planned. I thought I would send to you the questions as a comlete a few at a time and then I will send to you the doc in its entirety. I realized it might be easier to also read a few questions at a time then receiving a longer document.



I am not focusing on grammar or order as much as I am getting my thoughts onto paper for you; excuse the lack of quality there and do let me know if you have any questions.

Prayers for you and yours as you prepare for the coming year.

Please pray for me and for my family!

Robin







Homeschooling questions

Some of the main questions posed included:


These questions were submitted to me either via email or via the meetings:



1. I have a 13 year old son and 10 year old daughter. I switched to Saxon Math from Modern Curriculum Press when my son was in 4th grade, and it's worked very well for us so far. My son just finished Saxon 8/7. I have heard from two or three people not to use Saxon for Algebra. I was wondering if others share this opinion, and if so, what your recommendations for Algebra are. I will appreciate any advice you can share.

Reply from robin betz:

My experience has been this; to pick a program and to stick with it. We follow MODG as much to the’t’ as we are able for all practical purposes. I would definitely sway from this if I felt a need; thus far, except for this year, I have never felt that need. (This year we are having our son who was in the accident do 'teaching text books' for algebra II instead of Saxon ONLY because he was only 2/3 of the way through the book when the accident happened. After he recovered enough to study a bit, we did NOT want to overwhelm him /punish him and have SO much school left for the duration of the summer or to add to his next year. So, we let him do the bare basics, which was up through lesson??? And then told him he could be finished. That being said, Teaching Text books is far less rigorous and has an easier program to follow so we rectified the situation by having him use TT this year for Algebra II. Make sense?) So, this is our 'formula for math':

-we do ABeka work books up through 3rd grade math ( I say this cuz most of my kids do abekka 3 in 2nd grade, so adjust this according to the grade your child would be doing it in, the point is the order I do it in and the general age)

- Then starting in 4th grade level, we switch to Saxon, (which for my kids is usually in 3rd grade)

- In 7th grade we DO include Algebra 1/2 (some families skip this. I figure I'd rather have them have a sound /strong concept than to be so far ahead. We can discuss this if this does not make sense).

-We do alg 1/2, alg 1 then, Jacobs Geometry (I sign the kids up for the chat class via MODG for Geometry; we've had two kids without the class and one child has taken the class. We felt the class was worth the time and money; they use a ‘white board’ on their computers and meet 2x a week. It feels good to have MODG as the 'moderator' for this class. I still work with my kids about 2 hours a week when in geometry quizzing them and letting them do a bunch orally.

- Then following Geometry we do Algebra II in 11th leaving 12th grade for any other kind of math class depending on where the student is heading for college.

- keep in mind we also expect the kids to show ALL of their work and to bring their work to me as soon as they are finished. They then make their changes corrections in a timely manner.

- We keep a grading sheet at the front of the binder to make it easy to calculate their grades.

-BUT, let me add, we DO purchase the DIVE cd's that go with the Saxon work. Our formula for daily lessons is this:

Students do ALL the practice problems. They do half of the lesson, one day 1-15, and the next day 16-30 of the NEXT lesson. If they seem to have trouble then I might ask them to do the remainder of a lesson. If they are struggling I first ask, 'did you read the chapter?", then I ask, 'did you watch the DIVE?" thus far, if my child does all of this, we're left with little to no issues.

Let me show you an example in case this is foggy;

Monday lesson 1 all practice and problems 1-15

Tues lesson 2 all practice problems and problems 16-30

Wed lesson 3: all practice and problems 1-15.





#2

I'm looking for any help organizing my time and schooling with only 'littles'. My children are 6, 4, 2, and 6mos. Especially since #4 was born I feel I can only handle the house or the schooling, never both. Any suggestions on how and when to focus on schooling would be great. I've enjoyed Fly lady and the Large Family Logistics site. I'm also the 3rd oldest of 10 from a homeschooling family so you'd think I'd be able to figure it out, but I'm at a loss as to how to manage it all with children who mostly need me to walk with them every step of the way. Any insites would be great.

Reply from robin betz:



In short, you should only NEED to be schooling about 60-90 minutes a day…is that about what you are doing? If not, let’s discuss that. If you are but you are still feeling overwhelmed, let’s talk about any extras that might need to be altered.

Are you making sure prayers are a priority?

Are you making sure exercise is a priority?

Is marriage a priority?

Are you distracted by the computer or phone or unexpected interruptions?

Is there some sense of order to your day? To your home?

Are there too many things around?

Are there things that are making your life a big mess? i.e.: so many toys that when you finally do school the kids trash the place and the work load is unmanageable?

Are your chores organized so you feel a sense of accomplishment but NOT always working with nothing to show for it?

Let’s start there; just take a minute to consider the above and I bet you’ll be able to hone in on where the issues lie. It will give us a place to start.

3. From looking at your schedule it looks like you have time scheduled each day for your children, is this doable?

Reply from robin betz:



I do have time with my kids each day, this is what I’ve found: about 1 hour a day per child once in school is ideal to plan for and this is why (I’d say more like 90 minutes the first year they are learning to read would be fair to plan for) :

Before the year they are ready to learn to read, which is anywhere from age 4+ to 5+, I just give busy stuff here and there and feed their desires. I work throughout the day on formation, obedience, joy, chores, learning to put things away, doing chores correctly, going to bed and staying there, getting up and getting dressed promptly, learning that what mommy says, mommy means! (Yesterday my 18 month old, as I emphatically told her she must stay on her bed, she pouted back at me ‘Robin, you’re mean!’. I was affirmed more than ever that I was doing the right thing; I lacked NO confidence!

The year they are ready to read until about 3rd grade ,I sit with them and do ALL of their school; basically I get it out of the way, including ; phonics, reading, handwriting, math, religion, and poetry. I’ll combine them with other kids or have other siblings oversee their science, geography, music etc.

4-6th grade I spend about an hour a day ‘going over’ their work, making sure they did it, grading etc. these are the years I have a tendency to let them soar and become very independent, which is good in many ways, but, this can lead them into temptation to lie and cheat as well. It can come along very innocently; when asked if they completed a paper or assignment, a vague ‘yes’ might really mean…’I plan on starting it!” The time I give to this age of child will often be broken up but it is scheduled i.e.; they might go off and do their math and science, bring it to me when it is complete, I will correct it while they work on their worldly wise and Latin. They will STAY there and correct their mistakes in math and science so it is finished for the day, then stay there and complete WW and Latin; ending with me quizzing them in Latin and hearing their poetry. That, all together took probably 30 minutes. They’d then leave to do the rest of their school, coming back to me at a set time to do the same. By the end of the day, they are DONE, we are finished and I know they are on track.

7th – 12th, I sign them up for as much support as we can afford/be part of through MODG. I still save that hour a day to read/go over:

7th grade: grammar and history/religion

8th /9th: check that they are on top of things, read some religion and history with them, correct math, go over papers and essays

10th: quiz them in geometry 3-4 days a week to help them to move along, read over religion and history

11th – 12th: religion and history; check that they are on track, read over papers before they send them into their TA.

So, I have been spending about 8 hours HANDS on with my kids for the last few years and it will be this way for the next decade at least but I’ve had 8 kids actively in school for the last few years. Every time one leaves, at least one more joins the schoolers! J My point is, I think it is safe to say to budget about 5-6 hours a day for hands on schooling if you have 5 kids.



4. It looks like you do summer school, is that true and why?

Reply by robin betz:

As for summer school: for the most part, I find that having them have some sort of schedule is really helpful. I try to evaluate in the spring what we can let go and what we should work on. And, I try to move ahead in some subject I find more challenging so the kids feel ‘ahead’ (and so I do too) so we can slow down later on. Some things, it seems, we can move ahead exponentially if we can just hone in on them. If we do them mixed in with 7 other classes or more, it can feel overwhelming.

And, this fall I am going to have a baby so I felt it would be a good summer to really focus on school. I am paying my daughter carlike to help me!



5. it looks like you have your children read each day, how long do the little ones read?

Reply by robin betz:

As for the amount of time I have the little kids read: when just learning to read, oh, the usual time to get through one reader while reading to me or a sibling. Then, we have a quiet time EACH day for 1-3 hours. It usually goes like this:

First hour (or 45 min.) quiet reading. Usually the school required book

Second hour: playing legos quietly or reading to one another, or finish that early and let them watch a video if they were angelic



Note: My boys do NOT find a passion for reading as early as my girls, but, then when it catches on, I can’t get a book out of their hands. And, they will hide a ‘leisure’ book inside a school book. I have found at about 3rd and 4th grade if you can get them hooked on a series of books i.e.: hardy boys, box car, Betsy Tacy Tibs, then this will go far. This is the age, if they do NOT like to read, to let them read at a lesser level in that they can find the joy in reading. Invest in books that bring their passions out: sports or adventure for boys perhaps, horse books or fantasy ….you know what I mean.





Reply by Meredith Henning:

By not knowing what age your "little ones" are is a bit difficult to answer, but once my children are able to read somewhat fluently on their own (anywhere from 4 - 7 years old) then I have them read aloud to me for about 10 minutes each day (or less, depending on the material). Anyone older than 7 will read for 1/2 hour - 1 hour independently as well as their reading during school/learning hours. This can also happen spontaneously throughout the day. I also make sure the new readers are present at the time when I am reading aloud so they can continue to build their "ear" towards hearing good books read with inflections and proper enunciations, etc.





Reply by Julia Fogassy:

For most of the kids, reading has never been an issue. Once they could read, they read well and often without any prompting. For one of our children, reading did not “happen” until he was nearly ten years old. Even at ten years, it would have been cruel and unusual punishment to require him to read for ten minutes per day. And the other children didn’t need any requirements--so we didn’t have any.



As the children were first learning to read, we did have regular reading time. They read aloud to me from beginning-level books like the Mad and Tab Readers. Depending on the child, it might be ten minutes, or it might be an hour. Some kids could read an entire little book in a few minutes, while others were exhausted after only four pages. Because each child is so different, I think it is necessary to set a pace that matches the child’s ability rather than to think in terms of a set number of minutes each day. For all the children--including the one who did not read until he was age ten--the best motivation was their own personal interest. Once they discovered something that they really wanted to know about or enjoy, they really wanted to read.



6. Meal planning; do I plan out meals, do mega cooking etc?

Reply by robin betz:

Do I plan out my meals each week: yes but sometimes very loosely. The reason I can do this loosely is that I DO have a lot of food stored in the freezer. This is what has transpired and has worked for our family for years. I have frozen soup, burritos, chili, spaghetti sauce, enchiladas, muffins, cookies, in the freezer, so, for a meal, I just warm up a complete dinner and add to it to the best of my ability for that day i.e.: on a busy day, ‘here, enjoy your burrito and carrot sticks, eat up!!” on a slower day, I set out lettuce, salsa sour cream, and guacamole! Make sense? I spend an average of 15 minutes preparing a meal but I’m able to present to my family a nutritious appealing table. We do sit down for 3 meals. I forgo snacks most days; except for me and the older kids! Famished kids will eat anything and a closed kitchen means the kids are doing their school or chores! J



-I rarely MEGA cook in the sense of how some woman do this VERY planned out once a month or every other month.

- I do Mega cook when it seems right, in very large quantities – about 2x a year.

- I ALWAYS ‘mega cook’ in at least large enough quantities for 2-3 meals about 2 times a week.

- Cooking like this can fill your freezer very quickly and it won’t feel so overwhelming on the budget or the body!

- when we do our big mega cook I usually choose 5-7 meals that are faves and are good for that season and we make 6-8 meals of both. I have 8 ‘men’ eating at each meal and 5-7 girls depending on if my daughter is home. Its allot to cook for! I might do this right before school starts and again later winter. I usually spends some time organizing, talk to my husband about money (he always budget an extra $500.00 2 x a year for this but sometimes it gets ‘eaten’ into! Pardon the pun!)

Then I ask him or a few of my teens/tweens to help me to shop and to be ready to help me to manage the food when I get home. Sometimes this means chopping, bagging or frying up beef or cooking off chicken breast.

Then the next day I cook all day ending late in the evening when my husband will help me to put it safely into the freezer. I do things to ‘rush’ the job like making homemade chili but I’ll plan to throw in two big bags of corn to cool it off fast!

-Other than that, I make usually about 2 ‘big’ meals a week

- I make two ‘baked goods’ a week.

- I make at least 2 hardy salads like a chicken salad with a lot of celery, grapes, maybe brown rice to stretch it. Another favorite is a quinoa salad with alto of herbs, veggies and later in the week I might add in some chicken.

- For breakfast we have oatmeal about 4 mornings a week. Other morning we’ll have homemade French fries and homemade turkey meat balls, homemade granola or homemade muffins with a shake of some kind.

- Lunch and dinners are about the same. Usually for about 2 lunches we’ll have left over’s and for dinners, usually about one dinner is left over’s.

-Fridays are almost always tuna or nachos for lunch and a veggie soup or burritos for dinner. We always have a big salad or steamed broccoli w/it.

-we make a lot of homemade protein cookies or muffins packed with nutrition that I often eat 2x a day with a latte or tea.

- by having the homemade muffins and cookies on hand and the home made hearty salads, I can pack a cooler very quickly when we are leaving to go somewhere to make sure we have hearty food, are not tempted to eat out and are not too cranky!!

- I spend money on clear bags and containers. We bag almost all of our meals in gallon bags and label them. Freeze them flat and stack them flat. I purchase the clear single serving or quart containers from cash and carry to package food to go in; these I also use to put left over’s in. by seeing what is in the container I find I save time and waste less. We re-use all of these containers as much a practically speaking.

- I am happy to share more specifics and recipes with you. I have tried to notate the changes I’ve made through the year to accommodate for a large family.

- you should also know that I asked our local grocery store if I could purchase in bulk there and I’d bring all/most of my shopping to them. They were thrilled; they let me purchase anything I want by the case for cost plus 10%. It’s amazing savings. I found a few families to share stuff with me and we have an extra fridge. I.e.: we purchase a huge case of bananas for less than $20.00, if some start to go bad I just freeze them and then we do a mega cook of healthy banana muffs. Ideally one would have compost so you could more easily rid of any waste, but, for now we don’t. In purchasing this way we have a lot of fresh veggies and fruit on hand and we are saving a lot of money. My next goal is to switch to organic.

- I also shop at:

Costco 2x a month: mostly toilet paper, paper things, sour cream, salsa, olive oil, raisins, coffee, rice crackers, carrot juice,

Azure standard 1x a month chips, tea, peanut butter, nuts, quinoa, flax meal, cereals, dried fruit,

Cash and carry every other month: oat meal in the 25# bag but we buy 2 usually, coffee syrups, storage containers both heavy duty for storing grains and the disposable kind.

Shaklee 1 x month: we purchase all of our cleaners, proteins and vitamins, shampoo, face cleansers etc



7. Health issues; dealing with going to doctors and hospital often:

Reply by robin betz

It was a bitter sweet realization how many homeschooler are struggling with this dilemma. On the other hand, homeschooling is truly a blessing when it comes to shuffling it all to fit in all that is required when there is chronic illness to deal with. At the same time, it is most often best to home school all, or have all in traditional school of some kind; that being said having all of the other kids to take care of while running around and caring for the ill child is the real issue!

The financial situation and practical helper situation will be different for each family but the fact is; those of us with medical issues on going in our family need more help of some kind. What kind of help is the question? Always going back to the advice of making prayer and exercise for mom and dad the core of one’s day will enable each family to determine what their needs are. One will also be able to see more clearly what stage you are at; a stage of letting all things go for this is a time of ‘getting by’ or a stage of staying firm in ones plans, sensing that this family needs stability right now.



If you are like me you are constantly being fed from other well meaning homes cool peers, ‘relax, put the books away, there’s time for that later, take care of the family now!” well, with situations like ours that would mean indefinitely. If our child was in a life threatening stage (we’ve been there) we’d do that but for the most part, the routine and the schedule and the consistency of schooling brings about greater peace for all.



We do need to accept that we cannot participate in committed activities like others can, for the most part. It would not be prudent to set up for failure that way; making 2 out of 10 practices or meetings; my gut tells me this world not be profitably or esteem building for anyone. It’s not practical to bring school to the hospital; the expensive and necessary supplies are devoured by the van and the waiting room. A note pad for writing letters, a stack of flash cards or inexpensive readers on the other hand are ideal; so what if you never see them again.



Consider hired help period. I thought we could not afford it until I was on my deathbed. Viola; we found the money. Find it. Budget for it. Pray for it. jump at any opportunity that has possibility i.e.: a gal just came my way in need of money, she has a baby attached, she is a strong catholic and I felt I could talk to her right away; there was a peace. Her baby is attached and her first suggestion of what she’d like to earn per house was over double what I planned to pay her. I continued the dialogue; although it is NOT ideal, there are so many ‘pros’ to this that I’m going to invest in this possibility. If I invest and this does not work out; I’ll trust this is God’s will.



Make plans, lists and schedules that are easy for others to take on while you are away. For example, a huge help for me is when someone else will walk through my kids ‘tick’ lists with them. Their lists include chores, music and other daily responsibilities. I ask the person who has kindly offered to help me out, ‘will you please move through this list, have the child prove to you that they have done these things with integrity. Don’t just ask the child, but have them show you proof!” by my taking the time to write this up, this enables someone else to take my role. Type up expectations for each chore; we have a list of ‘to do’s in the bathroom inside the bathroom cupboard listing my expectations for a clean bathroom. When the child says, ‘I’m supposed to clean the bathroom.’ The helper can use the list as the ‘bad guy’. Too often things get out of whack and we fall behind because so much is done half way when I’m not around. After a long day of caring for a child, going from hospital to clinic, and coming home to piles of laundry and partially accomplished chores; it’s disheartening yet those at home felt they did the best they could with what they had to work with.



Planning and clearly scheduling sets everyone ups for success. Clearly state the consequences for those who do not comply.

Write out a general routine for the day so the helper can follow through to keep stability in the home in this way.

When people offer to bring food, suggest a variety of things include paper goods but exclude dessert; feeding your kids who are yearning for you sugar and letting them indulge in videos on a regular basis is not a gift to anyone in the long run. We must keep in mind this is not a short lived crisis time; this is an ongoing chronic situation and we must adjust our lives accepting that we are chosen, unique and therefore our lives will not be like the friend who does NOT have a child, or children with these needs. Period. Pray for enlightenment, pray for creativity, pray for the wisdom to know what your family really needs.



Maintain the weekly intimate dates and also the ‘business’ time with your husband; you need this NOW more than ever, NOT less. Again, if it was a crisis week that is one thing but for most of us this is ongoing. We need this date and exercise and prayer time more than ever!





25. I have a 13 year old son and 10 year old daughter. I switched to Saxon Math from Modern Curriculum Press when my son was in 4th grade, and it's worked very well for us so far. My son just finished Saxon 8/7. I have heard from two or three people not to use Saxon for Algebra. I was wondering if others share this opinion, and if so, what your recommendations for Algebra are. I will appreciate any advice you can share.



Reply from robin betz:

My experience has been this; to pick a program and to stick with it. We follow MODG as much to the’t’ as we are able for all practical purposes. I would definitely sway from this if I felt a need; thus far, except for this year, I have never felt that need. (This year we are having our son who was in the accident do 'teaching text books' for algebra II instead of Saxon ONLY because he was only 2/3 of the way through the book when the accident happened. After her recovered enough to study a bit, we did NOT want to overwhelm him /punish him and have SO much school left for the duration of the summer or to add to his next year. So, we let him do the bare basics, which was up through lesson??? And then told him he could be finished. That being said, Teaching Text books is far less rigorous and has an easier program to follow so we rectified the situation by having him use TT this year for Algebra II. Make sense?) So, this is our 'formula for math':

-we do ABeka work books up through 3rd grade math (I say this cuz most of my kids do abekka 3 in 2nd grade),

- Then starting in 4th grade level, we switch to Saxon,

- In 7th grade we DO include Algebra 1/2 (some families skip this. I figure I'd rather have them have a sound /strong concept than to be so far ahead. We can discuss this if this does not make sense).

-We do alg 1/2, alg 1 then, Jacobs Geometry ( I sign the kids up for the chat class via MODG; we've had two kids with and 2 kids w/out this. it feels good to have MODG as the 'moderator' for this class. I still work with my kids about 2 hours a week when in geometry quizzing them and letting them do a bunch orally.

- Then following Geometry we do Algebra II in 11th leaving 12th grade for any other kind of math class depending on where the student is heading for college.

- keep in mind we also expect the kids to show ALL of their work and to bring their work to me as soon as they are finished. They then make their changes corrections in a timely manner.

- We keep a grading sheet at the front of the binder to make it easy to calculate their grades.

-BUT, let me add, we DO purchase the DIVE cd's that go with the Saxon work. Our formula for daily lessons is this:

Students to ALL the practice problems. They do half of the lesson, one day 1-15, and the next day 16-30 of the NEXT lesson. If they seem to have trouble then I might ask them to do the remainder of a lesson. If they are struggling I first ask, 'did you read the chapter?", then I ask, 'did you watch the DIVE?" thus far, if my child does all of this, we're left with little to no issues.

Let me show you an example in case this is foggy;

Monday lesson 1 all practice and problems 1-15

Tues lesson 2 all practice problems and problems 16-30

Wed lesson 3: all practice and problems 1-15.



26. First of all, you mentioned that you include Algebra 1/2 in 7th grade. Does this mean in addition to Math 8/7? My son just finished 7th grade and we used Math 8/7. Would you recommend doing Algebra 1/2 in 8th grade or go right to Algebra 1? Please bear in mind that he does not like math at all, so even though he does fairly well, it's a struggle for him.



Reply from robin betz:

As for doing algebra 1/2 in 7th grade, NO, NOT in addition, I had mentioned earlier that my kids usually start abbeka 3 in 2nd, then Saxon 5/4 in 3rd, and so on; hence, by 7th grade they are ready for algebra 1/2. (4tth grade they are in 6/5, 5th grade they are in 7/6, 6h grade they are in 8/7, 7th grade they are in alga 1/2.) I think once we strayed from this but the most important point I was trying to make was the order of what we did, namely, INCLUDING algebra 1/2, whereas some families choose to opt out. Perhaps if you KNEW your child was headed for advanced math, if you or your husband were math whizzes, then I could see moving at a faster pace, otherwise, I recommend going slower. You don't want your child to be in high school and because they are so far advanced they HAVE to take really advanced math classes simply cuz you chose to push them. Make sense?

And, noting that your child does NOT like math, again, I'd recommend going slower by including alg 1/2 regardless of what grade he does it in. make sense?





27. The other thing I wanted to know is if you have any kids in college. The reason I had been given for not using Saxon for Algebra is that it doesn't prepare them well enough for college level courses. Have you heard this or found it to be true? I would prefer to stay with Saxon since I think the "incremental approach" is helpful for my son; but I don't want to put him at a greater disadvantage than he may already be because of his dislike for the subject.



Reply from robin betz:

I have two in college right now. I have not heard that it does NOT prepare one; the only thing I DID hear was depending on what grade they are in when they are taking Geometry, get it in BEFORE the 11th grade testing PSAT and moving on into SAT /ACT etc.





28 How do you manage a child that has a lot of pride? They don't like to be taught, scolding doesn't work, lecturing doesn't work, incentives don't work to motivate them, punishment (i.e. taking things away) doesn't motivate them, physical punishment doesn't motivate them, etc. What else is left???? How do you get this child to be "on your side?"



Reply by robin betz:

I've learned a lot through the years about possible reasons behind WHY a particular child is acting a certain way. Above all, maybe we'll never know, and maybe, even if a doctor or other person labels them something, we'll find out they were way off. All I do know is I two kids of whom NOTHING seemed to work until I tried a few particular things. I will go into detail but first I'll list a few characteristics that might build my credibility and one's confidence to at least try to always start here.



I have kids who, even with the most calm environment, can be distracted by just a thought or they will begin drawing on their paper or who will still NOT be able to move forward (and are usually distracting others!) I have kids who so very extremely feel/see that there is ONE way of doing things i.e.: start at a certain place on the paper, use a particular pen or pencil, and sit in a particular chair. I have a child who will just sit there and say, ‘I can’t do it’. I can list reward after reward and you can see the desire to do it, but they are frozen! I really feel their inability, they are trapped...by what? It’s scary sometimes!



I have a child who is seemingly a perfectionist, I say seemingly because it really is not consistent, but it is present most of the time. In fact, the perfectionist part is so extreme, it's scary, and I feel as if I want to free him from this demon! But, there are times that he's lackadaisical about a particular request, so why is that? I believe that all the things that bring about security for this child are in order; I sense it, I see the results and I feel like hollering, ‘ok, what I did I do RIGHT this time! Lord, help me hone in on this so I can do it over and over again!”



I don’t know if I or any specialist will ever have the 'right' answer or antidote but I do know, in ALL of these cases, I have seen progress when I have these things in order:

- my prayer times and quiet times to really put things in God's hands, to pray for my kids by name and ask to see/feel/sense what is right/best. 'Give me the confidence Lord.' Have you looked at some suggestions from the outline; giving oneself contemplative prayer and family prayer sprinkled throughout the day.

-for the particular child, but all if you are able, (hone in on the ones who are out of balance) give them 15 minutes a day of 'eye to eye' I try to call it; which means really listening. They truly have a 'fear' if that letter’d’ is NOT written the way it should be. This fear is not rational but they are not feeling secure. They need security they are just not sure why; I'd call it anxiety. I believe with all of my heart it is mostly stemming from ME, yes me. As mother, main provider of care and stability; in my case probably my temperament that is not calm and secure with a sense of panic moving from one thing to the next always rushing and reminding that we're going to be late (cuz there is so much to do!). Or other mom's, maybe cuz they are helter skelter and don't have a routine, distracted by the phone or computer and perhaps their house is un-orderly, sometimes to a shocking state. This can wreak havoc on the child's ability to feel secure and it will have to come out somehow!

- Try to get inside the mind and heart of the child; read Brain Lock by Jeffrey M. Schwartz M.D. was an interesting book to read. It was good for me to read because I was trying other things at the same time this book was recommended to me by a person who has ALWAYS been on in evaluating me and my children. She is/was 'on' in guiding me with some of my obsessive kids too but in this case, although the book was helpful, it actually also affirmed some of the other things I was doing.



The 3 main things I recommend doing are: 1. One's own prayer life, 2. Evaluate the balance in one's home/get advice from someone else who, to you, seems balanced and be open to their evaluation, 3. 15 minutes a day of 'one on one', 'eye to eye'. It won't help to ask, 'why do you feel that way?" - they don’t know.' but 'what are you feeling?" 'You know yesterday when it was so important to you to have things you way. I know you didn't like the punishment and I know you didn't like disappointing mommy, and I know you know that sometimes you just have to do what you are told, but you didn't. I want to help you to be happy and to feel good about minding mommy, let's talk about this ok, just you and me." I stand at my child's bed who is in the top bunk, or I take him for a walk away from others so he can be on my lap, so I do mean physically 'eye to eye'.



The touch from parent to child is so important. If they are not open to it (or if you are not naturally this way!) persevere and build that ability to touch and to be close to this child; they need it more than any others! Encourage dad to do the same. Encourage dad to do the 15 min. a day especially if you are feeling taxed and can't do it.



It should be encouraging for you to know that when I've had a child like this (its been more than once) it was bitter sweet for I also saw it as a reason to force myself to give each child 15 minutes; its yet to happen, in fact, after a few weeks of doing this with the one troubling child, we see progress so I begin to forgo my commitment. I used to feel badly about this, but now I don't. I feel like, 'you know, I'm hear 24.7. Hence I'll see the red flag coming and I have; we just right back into the same routine. And, it is encouraging to know this is a ‘bump’ to move over, all the while it is a tendency this child will have into adulthood possibly.



I alert my husband; 'hey, this child needs 'eye to eye', 'one on one'. I'm telling you we often never get to any root or hear any specific 'fears', but we see progress. Simultaneously I am working on my own prayer life and the temperaments of the house. Tadah...progress regardless of completely wiping out a problem. It’s a beautiful progressive cycle instead of a vicious, out of control cycle which we, as moms, especially, are drained by!



So, you've build up this close bond with this child, it's time for school, the attitude starts, all I need to say is, 'so, child, I see you are struggling, (I put my arm around him JUST like I did the day before and the day before that, sometimes taking him into my lap), remember our last talk, remember how you told me _______, you can trust me. I need you to trust me right now, do what I ask and as soon as this assignment is complete, we'll __________, or I'll allow you to take 10 minutes to ________. (Follow through but also bring them right back to move through the next assignment).



I have NEVER had a child NOT melt at the desire to please me and to be free from their fears. They will and you will see this progress and this will feel good to all of you! Keeps this cycle going. If the child does Not comply, or at some point chooses to back slide; I would still follow through with consequences but immediately give them that attention meaning this 'eye to eye' I’m talking about is NOT conditional on their follow through and good behavior; it is atop any discipline etc. i.e.: maybe it's this , 'child, ok, this is wasting your time and mine, I need for you to come and do some chores with mommy to make up for this.' during this chore time, talk if they are open, pray, but after the 10 minutes of chores are done, try to take a few minutes (keep in mind if the 15 minutes of 'eye to eye' is consistent then at times like these, 2-5 minutes can be very satisfying. Take that time right after the discipline time and sit, 'listen, I know your choices not to obey did not bring happiness to you or to me, I believe in you, you've trusted me before, I know you can do this. common', I'll be near you and I'll be here when you succeed and get this assignment completed, ok!?" time like these will get further between.



Lastly, we use homeopathy. I believe homeopathy, constitutionally focused for these kids is a big part of our success.



Back to Brain Lock; here's how I see it. I think his ideas are great and I think they have saved lives, marriages and families; that is awesome. But I felt, from my experience, it was taking this to a certain level, I felt there is so much more, don't settle for that! and, I felt like it was a lifelong remedy of rules to follow for everyone in their life when ideally, the person would grow stronger and grow out of this pattern, only falling back into this patter occasionally. I repeat, the suggestions and information was still helpful and it was especially helpful to get into the mind of kids/ people like this.

Have you ever watched "monk'. Rent a series; even if our kids/ love done are never diagnosed with OCD, like with ADD and ADHD, whose kid are not this way sometimes! In getting into the minds of others we can better anticipate their actions, better feel compassion and empathy for their feelings thus behavior thereby providing us with a clearer sense of where to start and breaking the cycle.



I will close with this; these kids are the ones I’ve most often lost my temper with and spanked in anger instead of control; I’ve felt remorse, gone to confession and sought counseling. I was wrong to lose control but I’m human and I’ve learned. I often thank God for so many kids so I feel like a have a 2nd, 4thn ad 10 chance to prove myself! I am closer to these particular kids than I ever thought I could be to a child; this is a gift. Try to avoid my mistakes but when you fall or when you are so frustrated just remind yourself that God gave these particular children to you, these will be the kids that refine you, challenge you and enable you to enter heaven earlier than another because IF you pick up the cross and see this as a ‘job’ you didn’t plan on but God clearly entrusted to you, you’ll be able to embrace it. take care of yourself and your marriage and you will be easily see this as a challenge and specific task that God has chosen especially for you and it will feel more like an honor vs. a burden!





30. How much do your older kids help?

Reply by Robin Betz:

We believe in earnest that is it our responsibility to empower our children to be functioning members of our family, to contribute from a very early age. My 18 month old, although a rare case, puts the dishes way and most of them away in the correct place! Granted, she is NOT on the chore list but we do include her and tell her ‘we need you”! We believe much of the problems today in our culture are from idle time and the feeling of inadequacy, too much time on their hands, and the lack of belonging. Moreover, the children need to learn the skills, learn what they are good at, where they are lacking, work on some areas and also accept their strengths and weaknesses. They also need to come to understand how their actions effect others, how the timeliness of completing a chore is of value; they must feel the pain if indeed they do not follow through.



We change the chores as needed but in general, about 2 times a year. If a child HATES their chore, I tell them ‘once you have mastered it, and kept up on it for a few weeks at least, I’ll consider switching for you. Inevitably this child has been slacking cuz they dread the chore. If the chore is so gruesome to them that they continue to neglect it, I’ll replace that chore with TWO harder chores; the grass is not greener!

See number 33 for our ‘hire a maid chart’. And here is a sample of our current chore chart for summer. The oldest child at home is listed at top, Tony, moving down to our youngest child on the list age 4.

Summer Chores

Mom checks chores at lunch and after dinner.

2.00 For every daily job that is missed, 5.00 for it not getting done by the end of the day.

10.00 for not getting a weekly job done and add 2.00a day to that each day it is not done

20.00 For every monthly job that does not get done and 5.00 for each day until it complete.

Kids ages:

Tony 18, danny 16, tessa 14, evan 12, gemma 11, willy 9, eliza 7, Julian 6, warren 4, may grace 18 months

Dishes away: gem

Dishes washer Tessa

Floors: Evan

Food: tues: Gem yogurt Thurs: Gem celery and carrot sticks



Rotating laundry Sort/fold and put into bins: 3 loads rotated and 3 baskets put into baskets AND laundry person must also put away the ‘random’ basket including linens etc.

Mon: Danny Tony puts away tony and dad’s and mom’s

Tues: mom

Wed: Tessa Tess puts away w. clothes/bibs/rags into cleaning bins

Thus: Evan gemma puts away May’s clothes

Friday: Gemma

Saturday: Willy Warren puts away bath towels daily

Sunday: Eliza

Julian puts away Julian and hand towels, wash clothes and bibs



Sweeper: am: Gemma, lunch: Evan, Dinner: Danny

Dogs/play/brush and poop scoop –

mond/willy Tues/ Willy wed/gemma thur/evan frid/Dan sat/ Eliza sun/ gem and daddy



Daily, Weekly and Monthly Chores:

Tony: Daily: garbage’s, put away dad, mom and your laundry, Weekly: Mond: organize and take out recycleTues. Garb/recd down Wed match sox Thurs: sweep and mop all downstairs floors including apartment, laundry room, bathroom, hard woods Friday: Vac up, Month by the first sat: front fridge/freezer and car port with Daniel





Daniel: Daily: feed dogs, laundry away, vitamins, piano and guitar

Weekly: Mon: laundry Tues. vacuum up and stairs Wed: vac out dryer Thurs: wipe down all computers Frid. Vacuum Downstairs and organize back apartment including videos/games, dogs. Monthly by the first sat: back fridge and freezer and wipe down apartment kitchen well and car port w/ Tony



Tessa: Daily: take vitamins, pocket bathroom in a.m., dishes all day, piano and violin

Weekly: Mon. clean bins Tues: dust downstairs and organize piano/violin stuff Wed. laundry Thurs: organize pantry Frid. Big van Sat: Monthly by the first sat: clean school room (1 hour)



Evan: Daily: vitamins, laundry down, sort and start a load, floors all day and swiff when needed, put away your laundry, piano Weekly: Mon: organize snack cupboard and pantry Tues: my desk Wed: orgnanize cd’s and piano/violin stuff Thurs laundry and dogs Frid. Deck Monthly by the first sat: organize work bench and garage



Gemma: Daily: Laundry, vitamins, garbage at each meal, put dishes away all day, put Mays’ clothes, piano and violin Weekly: Mon. junk drawer Tues: match all female shoes and make yogurt wed: sort all toys in living room and organize front closet and dogs Thurs. C &c sticks Fri. laundry and match socks for 45 minutes Sun: dogs

monthly by the first Sat. Make granola and deep clean the kitchen



Willy: Daily your clothes away, vacuum living room before bed and wipe down boys bathroom at quiet time and counter after each meal, piano and violin Weekly: Mon: drawers under counter and dogs Tues: silverware drawer, dogs wed: front patio Thurs: cupboards under stove Frid. Covered porch sat: laundry monthly first sat: find all scissors, org pencils and sharpen/ pens and fill calendar with pens (at least 20) and vacuum out both dryer vents in the laundry room and under the house.



Eliza: Daily before bfast your bed, pledge of allegiance, girls bathroom, all appliances Weekly: Mon: match socks, tues: dust upstairs wed junk drawer organize Thurs: fill/organize fruit/potatoes/onions etc Frid mini van w/ Warren’s help Sat. dogs Sun: launrdy

Monthly by the first sat: clean out all bath drawers with Julian



Julian: Daily: hand towel, cloth and bibs drawers, make bed Weekly: Mond: fill holy water fonts Tues: organize and wipe our honey/peanut butter cupboard Wed: sharpen pencils in kitchen and school room Thurs: tidy coffee /tea cupboard Friday: Clean out under all beds in girl’s room and silverware drawer

Monthly: help Eliza clean out all bath drawers



Warren: make bed, put away all entry and basket of shoes before bfast, wipe down all chairs and tables after meals, put laundry away fold and put bath towels away

Weekly: mon: sort and organize all boys shoes except dads Tues: organize snack cupboard Wed: straiten books in living room Thurs:stock toilet paper, disperse, unwrap etc Friday: clean out under boys beds and help Eliza with min van

Monthly: scrub out dishwasher



Reply by Julia Fogassy:

Before we started homeschooling, all the older children already had assigned chores. Once homeschooling started, that trend continued. We had a chart on the kitchen wall that showed who-did-what-when. The chores included emptying the garbage, washing the kitchen floor, doing the dishes, cleaning up the table and counters. Sometimes the kids traded jobs if they had a schedule conflict, but they generally kept to the plan. Because we had enough children to go around, no one had to do the same job twice in one week.

Most of the time, things went well. Some children were notoriously lazy and did a poor job, but other children would come along the next day and do a superior job, so as far as the housekeeping went, things were fairly well maintained. We never really did manage to perfect everyone’s character, but at least they learned how to do housework and had the experience of being responsible for regular chores.

I recently met an older woman who was aghast at the thought of requiring children to do regular chores. In her home, she had done all the work and “let her children be children.” She was even very concerned about harming a child’s psyche if you required him to clean his own bedroom and she used her own children as an example of how successful her methods were. Her adult children are good upstanding citizens who clean their own rooms and make their own way in the world and she is sure that they would not have done as well if she had “burdened” them with household chores. When I suggested that she had a very different case because she only had two children, she replied, “Well my dear, I never thought it was a good idea to burden my children with chores that rightly belong to a housewife, and I’ve never thought it was a good idea to burden the world with more than two children.” I just smiled and nodded.



Reply by Meredith Henning: My older kids do help, our age split is 13 (girl) 10 (boy) 7 (boy) and 4 (boy so we often pair up one older with one younger for certain times of the day. I also have quite a bit of laundry help from my daughter, she does most of the folding and putting away and even takes care of any ironing that her father might need :) One of the things that I have found most helpful with the older ones is to make sure they get plenty of chat time with me throughout the day so that when I need them to help with the little list, it's not so much of a drain on them. They are also quite happy to engage in Lego or tea party play to occupy a younger one while I work one on one with someone else for a little while (usually 15-20 minutes spans).







31. How do you explain staying open to life? With such serious medical problems, we have been told that we have a 50/50 chance of them having the same complication with future children. (Even my own mom asked which one of us "was getting fixed" after the birth of my last child.) Ugh!)

Reply by robin betz:

I don’t. Period. I used to but now I don’t. I try to always come back with questions to them if I must, ‘I’m not sure what you are asking?” I’m not sure what you are saying. If I’m brought to it, ‘are you saying you would have aborted Susie if it were you?” ‘Oh, then what were you saying?” I have not had a time that I didn’t pose a question to someone, with charity and sincere awe that the person in question did not end up fumbling and realizing their comments and pointed questions were out of line, inappropriate and in most cases, they themselves, had not thought through what they were saying to me. Do your best to always speak with charity, never malice for they are ignorant of the truth and without the gifts you have. But, I must add, this charity will not come without your choosing to take time to pray and to be fed by your heavenly Father! Their comments will take you by surprise and you’ll spit out something you will regret. If you pray and admit the truth about the culture of death, although sad, you’ll be prepared and armed and ready to spread the message of life and they’ll sense it about you, see it on your face and benefit from your sincere desire to reply to their ignorance.

32. How do you approach the medical community when you have multiple kids with the same problem?

Reply by Robin Betz: IN general I remain distant. I try to spend time contemplating their position; their ignorance. I pray for them. I can feel under attack at time, even by my own family, even my own community (unfounded but true, Satan I’m sure). I do my best to remain strong spiritually and physically when going into the public eye, to the doctor etc and most of all around family who does not support/understand, (nor do they care to). If I’m strong I can sense the appropriate things to say. Sometimes with as bogged down as we get we can end up turning to almost anyone who asks and ‘sharing’. Come to find out later, these just happened to be people in our path and we should have actually, out of prudence, refrained from being completely forthcoming.

It is not phony to aim to show the medical community your joy, and rarely your sorrow. Refrain from complaining or whining to them; call me, call someone else who will understand and free yourself from a well deserves chat session about how difficult life can be with kids with special needs like this. Be prudent in what you say and when you say it to the public medical community.

33. How have you motivated your children (mine are 6, 5, and 1 and maybe one on the way) to complete their morning routines without constant reminders? My children get distracted by many things in the morning. I'd like to have all of our morning routines completed by a certain time each morning.

Reply by Robin Betz:

We eat meals as a family; we don’t eat until all chores are complete and house is tidy; period. Keep in mind ones expectations must be realistic and Mom MUST be around, aware, present and ready to guide, praise and support.

For instance, I might have a list for my kids that age and all, expect the 1 year old, are old enough to look at that list and work through it, but, if I’m on the computer or out running I’m asking for trouble, vs. if I’m in the kitchen cooking or tidying the house while my kids are also doing their chores then we are set up for success. Mom should not nag or prod but perhaps say, ‘so, have you checked your tick list? It’d be nice to have milk with that cereal today, sure hope you decide you want that and choose to get your chores completed in a timely manner!” or,

Make some sort of a list but at the same time don’t make it a burden on you; hold the kids accountable at an early age. For daily prep responsibilities like tidying house, making bed, getting dressed etc I hold steadfast to the ‘food’ thing, and of course anything else that we’d like to do that is enjoyable i.e.: we’d cancel a play date if their responsibilities were not taken care of. If not a meal then something else. If the only thing you have planned for the day is school, meals and chores, you see my point; we all have a sense of hunger and want to satisfy this. The point is, we work as a team, what YOU do make a different to the whole, we’ll all gather when the home is in order. I’d say 20-30 minutes to run through morning chores, throw a load of laundry in, make beds, do one or two random chores, and tidy the bedrooms (cuz you went to bed with a clean house the night before right?)



But if it is a random chore, daily chore etc likes ‘Tuesdays, mike sweeps the front porch’, we move on, I say little but he feels the pain. If he does not do this, I say nothing, but I charge/take money from their savings. My kids from an early age pay for almost all of their needs beyond food, shelter and bare basic clothing. But, we DO give an allowance 1 dollar a year per month starting at age 4.



. This is how we see it; you can do your chore and participate in brining order and harmony to the family or, help to hire a ‘maid’. I, as mom/leader, determine what I’ll do with that situation i.e.: I might hire a sibling to do the chore, I might hire that same child back (at a lower wageJ) to do the chore a different time, I might let the chore go knowing I have some extra cash to do with what I’d like. The fact that they feel the pain of their choice is a must. We repeat the message, ‘you are an important part of this family, we need you, and things will not run as smoothly without you. It’s like the body of Christ - what one does or does not do effects the whole.

Mom checks chores at lunch and after dinner.

2.00 For every daily job that is missed, 5.00 for it not getting done by the end of the day.

10.00 for not getting a weekly job done and add 2.00a day to that each day it is not done

20.00 For every monthly job that does not get done and 5.00 for each day until it complete.





Reply by Meredith Henning:

We like to set a timer and see who can finish their appointed task before the timer goes off. This can include things like getting dressed, making beds, brushing hair, teeth, washing faces, etc. I imagine it's mainly for the 6 and 5 year olds and perhaps they would like to create their own chore charts and be able to put on a sticker or draw a star each time they complete their tasks. I have also been known to put on some upbeat music to get things moving or completed, especially if we need to head out the door for an activity or daily Mass. Then we say special prayers of thanksgiving in the car on the way to our outing thanking our Guardian Angels for helping us with our chores (or patron Saint, etc.) Other motivators that have worked for us is to earn a story with mommy or special treat like a tea party or game of cards or board game when a certain amount of tasks have been completed.

Reply by Julia Fogassy:

I guess it would be accurate to say that we never had a morning routine. The only routine things we did were school work and chores in the afternoon and evening. Mornings were laid back because for a good many of our homeschooling years, my husband did not go to work until noon. We got up around 10 am and had a leisurely breakfast. After Dad left, we got to work on school things. Only then was it necessary to think about motivating anyone.



With two of our children I have found it necessary to stoop to bribery--just to get through reading and math lessons. The other children were either self-motivated or willing to be led, but these two were a real challenge. I used gummy bears and pennies at first. Their ability to focus was so fragile that it had to be frequently bolstered. At first, it had to be an immediate sensory reward--a gummy bear in the mouth. Then we graduated to pennies. I hung a sock on the wall above the table where they were working and each time they made a letter or number that was well formed I’d drop a penny in the sock. At the end of the week, they could spend the pennies or save them for some future purchase. As they got older (second grade) I used nickels, and eventually dimes, but the rewards got farther and farther apart. By the end of second grade we saved up coins for a month before they got to spend them. I told myself that even though bribery was less than ideal, that over time we were at least making progress by extending the gratification from immediate to a month away.



The other children were generally compliant with their work and their chores, but if there was a deadline to meet, I would sometimes encourage prompt completion of duties by promising everyone a milkshake or a doughnut. I was amazed at how fast they could move when gastronomically motivated.