More wisdom from Robin

Robin, you may remember, is someone who has just had her 13th child, and she was inviting many people from our area up to her house to take a look at how she does things and also to glean wisdom from each other.

When Joseph was born, he had breastfeeding issues. He's doing better, but this really is interesting to read. It's quite long, so bear with it, but tuck any useful info away in your head in case it helps to share her experience with others someday. Apparently it was a simple issue of being tongue-tied, but Robin didn't know that. So many of us who homeschool are also sort of crunchy granola types who don't want to do anything medical that isn't absolutely necessary, and so we put things off too long. Being sure that breast is best is one of those struggles. But sometimes, you just can't nurse. It isn't a failure! It just is.

I was at the baptism, so I did witness her first outing! It was beautiful.

So, here comes more Robin for your daily diet.


Friends,

Thank you for so many things; most of all the prayers for a safe labor and delivery.

Also, I want to thank you for your assistance and prayers as I struggled to determine how to overcome the breastfeeding and eating issues that Joseph and I have been moving through.

It’s been a long, rich, month of learning and bonding for us and our entire family.
In time I will type up the notes that I’ve kept about what I’ve learned from this experience specifically related to breastfeeding, that, in turn might help some of you one day. This note it more personal and about the experience as a whole, a little bit about our desire to breast feed our son but mostly about what a difference it made that I was able to ask for help and how invaluable your advice and support was.

Above all, I knew hundreds of people were praying for us and this was what they had to offer at this time; I felt it.

I want to take this time to say ‘thank you’ now. And, as much as I’d like to get a personal ‘thank you’ note to each of you who made such kind gestures, I probably never will. Thank you for the prayers, the kind notes, the words of wisdom, for calling your friends who then called me to share their wisdom, for the text’s, phone calls, food, breast milk; each and every effort has enabled me to focus on my baby, building up my strength and aiding my family to adjust to the newness and challenges. Every effort that was made was helpful!

Humbly, I admit, my situation can seem to me or to you at times as ‘nothing’ when compared to cancer or other tragedies, and it is so good to be reminded of that daily; what I’m trying to say is I think it is good to consider our crosses in light of others. In fact, I reminded myself of my current struggles in light of some of our past times of crisis and asked God to make clear to me really how big of a deal this all is. It was a good time for contemplating and recognizing this still is and was big deal to me and so many of you seem to think so too. Truly, the inability to provide the nourishment or nurturing that I’m used to being able to provide to my child at a time so vulnerable for both he and for me was an incredible burden at times if I let it be; many of you lightened that burden.

Also, thank you to those of you who risked sharing your story and encouraged me to be open to never being able to transition to breast feeding only; I know your struggle personally now and I empathize with all the sacrifice and decisions there are to make in cases like these. For those of you who were not able to transition to breastfeeding, I pray you’ll be able to rejoice with me as our steps towards succeeding at breastfeeding is growing each day yet still feel the confidence that you did exactly what God was asking for you at that time of your life.
I can see clearly that if I did not have the support system I had there is NO way I could have done what I did and God would have been asking me to sacrifice in a different way; as you did.

I learned a lot over the last month since Joseph was born; a lot about breastfeeding a tired baby and how to build up one’s milk, but, most importantly I learned to better listen to God each minute, each hour, each day and to yearn to hear His will in my intuition -trusting that, regardless of the outcome, that He is allowing these circumstances at this moment in time as an opportunity to be closer to Him and to emulate some sort of virtue to my family. Albeit persevering with the many ways to try and get him to nurse and to build up my milk supply and all of the sacrifice this requires from all of us, or, adding more supplementation recognizing that God might be asking me to humbly forgo at least some of my efforts and to focus on energy elsewhere at this time. In either case, and every variation in between, a mother’s calling is to remain close to God and as Mary answered her Fiat, to pray God’s will be done regardless of the outcome. Because of all of you, because of this challenge, I feel a little bit closer to understanding this, so, I thank God and I thank you.

I have had a lot of medical ‘stuff’ to deal with in the last 2 decades with my children and some of them, as some of you know, have been tragic and life threatening, but this one was so very different. I think in other cases so much was literally out of my hands; left to the experts and I just had to be obedient to their asking – prayerful and humble too -but mostly so much was relatively out of my ‘hands’. In this case, I felt so empowered one minute and absolutely helpless the next; I never imagined not being able to provide nutrients for my baby. I think it was the fact that I had so many options this time and the future was so unknown; I had to make so many decision and discern what was really best for son and for my family all while I was tired, fatigued and hormonal. (thank you for praying for my husband and teenage boys! J)

More than once I was alone with my son, with no milk and no way to supplement. This was really only momentary in the scheme of things but I did feel a small sense of what other mothers feel all too often as they struggle to provide for their families; physically and spiritually. I allowed myself to be humbly scolded for all too often taking so much for granted and I pray I will never ever forget the bounty I’ve been given; again, you are part of this gift. I have been given so much; much is expected.

The end of the story for us is not tied all up in a simple answer but I can tell you this; each day I felt a clearer sign that he was getting stronger and he was also learning to latch better each day and so I’m still continuing my efforts to build up my milk, to encourage him to nurse and as of this past weekend, he is not only breastfeeding without any supplementing or bottles but he is off the shield as well. Also, to my surprise, my friend told me he was severely tongue tied so I took him in for a procedure to rectify this. I assumed all of the professionals were taking this in to consideration so when some of you asked me if he was tongue tied I replied ‘no’, assuming I would have been told! I have come to learn that much of the medical fields believes that a child with this slight anomaly will not be adversely effected therefore they do nothing. I have learned that there is great discrepancy in the findings therefore I risked the minor procedure with the hope that the nursing would improve and we’d lessen any disadvantage to his speech in later years. In short, the risk of the procedure way outweighed the potential benefits so we did it; my GP was in complete agreement.

Except for a few doctors appointments, a daily walk with my children and a few short visits to my computer, I did not leave my room for a month; his baptism was our first ‘outing’. I know most of you don’t believe this but it’s true – I have witnesses! J. I’ve told my kids I want a handmade sign for my room entitled ‘Mother’s Monastery’ for this is what our master bedroom has endearingly become for us. I pray, as I’m given greater reign to resume ‘normal’ daily responsibilities, that I’m able to maintain the many benefit I obtained from this ‘quarantine’ time with my baby. With the little bit that I’ve experimented ‘getting out’ (of my bedroom or out of my house), I can see I’ll have to be careful. A ten minute task can so very quickly end up being a 45 minutes deterrent from tending to my son; I’m just learning to accept this and plan to limit activities for several months if need be.

The fruits of my being tied to my room, pumping and nursing, in my case, have been bountiful for my family. This may not be the case for you in the past or for some of you in the future; you may only be able to commit to this type of regime for a day or a week, but that’s not the point. The point is, we prayed as a family about what we felt God was asking us to sacrifice for this baby, for this time period and He provided the means for us to move forward; often it include you.

Those of you who don’t get a returned phone call or a reply to an email may not think so J but for now, I’m focusing on building up my strength, Joseph’s weight and nursing abilities and thanking God for my family and for your friendship and amazing wealth of support to help me grow spiritually and as a mother. I realize I am one of the oldest mom’s having a baby, don’t let that discourage you and please don’t focus on this set back, instead hone in on the help that came flooding my way when I simply shared my plight. Let my set back and need for help inspire you to imagine how much more humility there is to gain and thank God I’m going ahead of you and can share what I have learned to influence you in a better way seeing recognizing that we’re all reaching for the same goal; discerning God’s will for each of us and helping each other, especially our spouse and children, to get ot heaven.

Wisdom; what a gift. If there is one word that I’d use to summarize the intent of our support network, it would be ‘wisdom’ - sharing it, gleaning it or humbling reaching for it. The family of generations ago is fragmented so, for most of us, the guidance in both faith and family stems from reaching out to families like all of ours; we need each other to help each other build our ‘mothering monasteries’, strong marriages and faith filled families.

In closing, I can’t help but focus on a ‘friend’ who is not as lucky as me. Ironically, (but it should not be such a surprise!) as my challenges started to lessen, I learned that a friend was struggling to ‘mother’ in various ways including breastfeeding. Having her first child over the age of 40 and newly married, in time we came to realize the baby was not gaining weight but she also was struggling with other mothering issues indeed there needed to become kind of intervention. Dear mothers in our community saw the need, dropped what they were doing and came to her aid. In some ways it was too late but in most ways it was just in time. Until, by the grace of God someone discovered their great need, she did NOT have the support group I did and somehow she fell through the cracks. I was able to share with her what I learned (From all of you) to offer some sense of guidance in a short period of time (it took me hours upon hours of phone consultant and research to determine what was the best action to take for my situation), I was able to share my milk, (which was the perfect age for her baby) and of course to consciously pray and to sacrifice for her - for now there is little more I can do.

I’m sorry to say her baby was taken by CPS. In the name of protecting the child this ‘organization’ has abused this child and family beyond understanding. Being a mother of a large family, Catholic and homeschooling I’ve been privy to other such cases and I’d be stupid not to admit our family is, sadly and unfairly, at risk. It’s heartbreaking and unthinkable the power others can have over the vulnerable and innocent. This family does need support, guidance and help and the baby above all was indeed in need of help but they need to be together. This family needs wise and experienced mothers like me and like you to guide her as so many of you were able to offer to me. Most of us are not called to this apostolate at this time but we can be aware of how invaluable our small acts of charity are when someone is in need, and, as with this case, let’s continue to check on one another, reach out to new mom’s, albeit their first baby or their twelfth and most of all pray in thanksgiving that we do have a support group therefore we have little to fear of lacking support in any way we need; just ask.
With love
robin

Clarification of modern NFP

This is an awesome article sent to me by our parish's youth minister. It also has a survey at the end, which I encourage people to link to and fill out for themselves. Like the woman in the article, I didn't know Natural Family Planning would play such a part in my life, especially that it would help space my kids and ALSO help me get pregnant when hormone problems caused miscarriages. I had no idea it could possibly matter so much, and I hope more and more people will see it as a viable choice. Not an easy, low-maintenance choice, but a good, guilt and health problem-free choice.

Please read this article:

Not Your Mother's Rhythm Method

Encouragement to not complain about one's lot in life. Ever!

Someone posted this today on one of my yahoo groups. I really needed to read it, maybe you do, too!

HOME DESTROYERS

Part 4

Philippians 2:14-15, "Do all things without murmurings and disputing: that
ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God without rebuke,in the
midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the
world."

We are up to No. 4 today. One more to go in this series.

4. COMPLAINING

Psalm 106:25, "They murmured in their tents, and hearkened not unto the
voice of the Lord." Read the story in Numbers chapter 14, especially verses
2 and 27.

Where were the people complaining? In their tents, which were their dwelling
places in the wilderness. Where does most complaining happen? In the home.
But what does it do? It tears down the home, whether we complain about our
circumstances, the work we have to do, or our husband. Not only do the walls
of our home hear it, but our children hear it--and God hears it!

The children of Israel murmured and complained against Moses and Aaron, but
when God heard it, He said they were complaining against Him. God says in
Numbers 14:27, "How long shall I bear with this evil congregation, which
murmur against Me? I have heard the murmuring of the children of Israel,
which they murmur against Me." Stop press! Help! When we murmur and complain
about all our problems, God hears it as murmuring against Him.

The ten spies had returned from spying out the land of Canaan. It was a land
flowing with milk and honey, but they complained about the fortified cities
and the giants they would have to fight. It looked impossible! Even after
all the miracles of coming out of Egypt and provision in the wilderness,
they did not believe God could help them. They blamed Moses for bringing
them out of Egypt. They complained that all their children would be taken as
salves.

What happened? God told them, "Get back into the wilderness.. ." He told them
that they would all die in the wilderness and their children who they
complained would be taken as slaves would be the ones who would go into this
magnificent land. Where do we end up when we complain? In the wilderness.

Wives and mothers,

we take our families into

a wilderness journey

when we complain!

The root of complaining is unbelief. "Can God furnish a table in the
wilderness?" The Israelites cried out in unbelief. (Psalm 78:19). "How could
we ever have another baby?" you cry out in unbelief. "We can hardly make
ends meet now!" "How can we afford to educate our children?" "How can I put
up with this little house any longer? I need more room" And so it goes on.

Here's a good habit to start. Change every sigh into a Hallelujah! Every
time you are tempted to complain, turn your heart to the Lord and
acknowledge His power and His presence. "Thank you, Lord, I trust you. I
know that you are ordering my footsteps. I thank you that you are with me in
these circumstances. " It will take time to establish this new habit, but
keep at it.

It doesn't mean that your circumstances will necessarily change, but you
will change. God promises in Isaiah 43:1-3 that when you pass through the
waters, that "I will be with you. They will not overflow you." God says that
when you go through the fire that "You will not be burned, neither shall the
flame kindle upon you."

What is our confession? "I'm going through a fiery trial. I don't know how I
can make it." Or, "Thank you, Lord, no matter how hot it gets, I will not be
burned because you are with me!"

I remember when complaining as a young child that my mother would
immediately direct me to think about those who were poor and suffering in
the world and didn't have all the blessings that I had. It's not a bad idea.
There are millions in the world who live in abject poverty, without running
water, adequate food, shelter or any of the basic amenities of life which we
are used to. My husband, who has ministered in the slums of India and many
third world countries, often says, "Just to live in a tent in America makes
you a millionaire! "

I think about the Karen people, the displaced people of Burma who have been
fighting a genocidal war against them from the Burmese government for over
50 years. We complain about keeping up with homeschooling. The Karen try to
school their children while they live in hiding. We complain when things are
not just as we want them when we give birth. Many Karen mothers give birth
while running from the enemy. No time for recovery. No time for relaxing
with their baby. No gifts. No excited calls from family and friends.

The wife the founder of the "Free Burma Rangers" shares about the love,
forgiveness and generosity of the Karen, even in the midst of suffering and
hardship. She says, "The gifts they gave were of themselves-- their time,
energy and love. In my experience in the West it is easier to go to the
store and buy a trinket as a gift. For this reason I have chosen to raise my
children in this war. The influence of these people is something I have
never experienced anywhere else."

Some of the best marriage advice I've ever seen

I went to www.exceptionalmarriages.com, for a completely unrelated reason, but I think I'll go back there and post some more stuff. Gregory Popcak is a Catholic psychologist who does amazing work. You can actually do counseling by phone, but insurance won't cover him, so it's about $100/hr. He's well worth it, and so are his books! I really love this article, not written by him, but I"ve never seen such good advice as this. I mean, I've read a lot, A LOT, but there are a few things here I hadn't thought of!

Friday, July 11, 2008	Archive E-Mail Comments E-Mail to Friend Printer Version

FINDING AN IDEAL HUSBAND/WIFE [Rachel Watkins] 7/11/2008 What would a Catholic priest know about that? Quite a bit if you ask Maureen Dowd of the NY Times. Check out her piece from this past Sunday, July 6th. In the op-ed piece she talks w/ Fr. Pat Connor. The article says, in part, the following: Father Pat Connor, a 79-year-old Catholic priest born in Australia and based in Bordentown, N.J., has spent his celibate life — including nine years as a missionary in India — mulling connubial bliss. His decades of marriage counseling led him to distill some “mostly common sense” advice about how to dodge mates who would maul your happiness. “Hollywood says you can be deeply in love with someone and then your marriage will work,” the twinkly eyed, white-haired priest says. “But you can be deeply in love with someone to whom you cannot be successfully married.” For 40 years, he has been giving a lecture — “Whom Not to Marry” — to high school seniors, mostly girls because they’re more interested. “It’s important to do it before they fall seriously in love, because then it will be too late,” he explains. “Infatuation trumps judgment.” I asked him to summarize his talk: “Never marry a man who has no friends,” he starts. “This usually means that he will be incapable of the intimacy that marriage demands. I am always amazed at the number of men I have counseled who have no friends. Since, as the Hebrew Scriptures say, ‘Iron shapes iron and friend shapes friend,’ what are his friends like? What do your friends and family members think of him? Sometimes, your friends can’t render an impartial judgment because they are envious that you are beating them in the race to the altar. Envy beclouds judgment. “Does he use money responsibly? Is he stingy? Most marriages that founder do so because of money — she’s thrifty, he’s on his 10th credit card. “Steer clear of someone whose life you can run, who never makes demands counter to yours. It’s good to have a doormat in the home, but not if it’s your husband. “Is he overly attached to his mother and her mythical apron strings? When he wants to make a decision, say, about where you should go on your honeymoon, he doesn’t consult you, he consults his mother. (I’ve known cases where the mother accompanies the couple on their honeymoon!) “Does he have a sense of humor? That covers a multitude of sins. My mother was once asked how she managed to live harmoniously with three men — my father, brother and me. Her answer, delivered with awesome arrogance, was: ‘You simply operate on the assumption that no man matures after the age of 11.’ My father fell about laughing. “A therapist friend insists that ‘more marriages are killed by silence than by violence.’ The strong, silent type can be charming but ultimately destructive. That world-class misogynist, Paul of Tarsus, got it right when he said, ‘In all your dealings with one another, speak the truth to one another in love that you may grow up.’ “Don’t marry a problem character thinking you will change him. He’s a heavy drinker, or some other kind of addict, but if he marries a good woman, he’ll settle down. People are the same after marriage as before, only more so. “Take a good, unsentimental look at his family — you’ll learn a lot about him and his attitude towards women. Kay made a monstrous mistake marrying Michael Corleone! Is there a history of divorce in the family? An atmosphere of racism, sexism or prejudice in his home? Are his goals and deepest beliefs worthy and similar to yours? I remember counseling a pious Catholic woman that it might not be prudent to marry a pious Muslim, whose attitude about women was very different. Love trumped prudence; the annulment process was instigated by her six months later. “Imagine a religious fundamentalist married to an agnostic. One would have to pray that the fundamentalist doesn’t open the Bible and hit the page in which Abraham is willing to obey God and slit his son’s throat. “Finally: Does he possess those character traits that add up to a good human being — the willingness to forgive, praise, be courteous? Or is he inclined to be a fibber, to fits of rage, to be a control freak, to be envious of you, to be secretive? “After I regale a group with this talk, the despairing cry goes up: ‘But you’ve eliminated everyone!’ Life is unfair.” How many of you are now saying - 'I wish I had heard this talk before I got married??' E-Mail Author

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