Hiliarious homeschool/socialization material

I figured I had to post this. I should be in bed, but I'm not.

Silly me.

If you don't think this is true, then you need to meet more homeschoolers. I assure you from personal experience with a variety of homeschooling groups, these things are generally true. So trust us. Really.

http://thepioneerwoman.com/homeschooling/2009/09/the-oldest-one-in-the-book/

My political spectrum quizeroo

I'm laughing, I really am. This was on facebook.

My Political Views
I am a centrist moderate social authoritarian
Left: 0.28, Authoritarian: 1.6

Political Spectrum Quiz

Who do you trust? :)

Ha ha ha... CNN poll:

Quick Vote
Who do you trust more to overhaul the U.S. health care system?
Democrats 43% 69282
Republicans 13% 21621
Neither 44% 70313
Total Votes: 161216
read related article »
This is not a scientific poll


I voted neither.

Here I am

I know it's been a while again. I had lots of things to write about and post. LOTS. I mean, the news is so very interesting all the time! But I'd be here all day, and well, summer is a good time to Get. Stuff. Done. And I'm attempting to do that.

First of all: HAPPY 10TH ANNIVERSARY TO US!

That said, today my husband is sleeping, because he works nights. He will sleep tomorrow also, and part of the next day. I've decided one of the best presents he can get is to stay asleep as much as possible before we go anywhere fun, so we will have. fun. Not fight or something stupid. So I haven't seen him today. I will see him for about two hours before he goes to work tonight.
I'm very glad we are still happily married. Score for us!

Wanna see our schedule til Wednesday? Wanna? You know you do.

Today, Friday, July 10th: The Pope and Obama met, and I'm glad to hear it went pretty darned well. I also read that the Pope "fired" the guys who screwed things up royally as he was trying welcome some traditionalists back into the Catholic Church, and it turned into a horrible fiasco, and everyone blamed the Pope. I certainly hope they found the right culprits. I think this was a good thing?

In our own lives, I got all the stuff Rikki and I have been collecting for two months and piling in her garage, and drove it to another home, which will be part of a neighborhood yard sale this weekend. We are very, very glad to purge our homes, especially in the case of Rikki, who has a little too much Mary Kay in her closet for her own good. Now she has a closet back, and some people can pick up some very good gifts for people at low prices tomorrow. I managed to get all that stuff out, with only one stuffed animal making it back in the car. Not bad.

Now they are sleeping, and I am putting off doing anything useful. That's what blogging is for. A to do list is good, so I will do that at the end here.
This evening we might go to the splash park since it's hot, and we ran out of time today before nap.

Tomorrow: Bring treats to yard sale by 9am, maybe help set up unless other people already did. Leave with my kids to go get the oldest, one hour away, at scout camp. He should be dog tired. Hopefully not too cranky after three nights away.
Then come back and help at yard sale til it's over. Help kids sell lemonade and other treats. Go home, collapse. Be glad the word "anniversary" resulted in not having in laws over yet again this weekend. I'm sure some day they will actually see us, but this wasn't necessarily the right weekend.

Sunday: Church. Pack like mad for kids to spend night at friends so we can go on anniversary overnight, which is a surprise for my husband. He knows the when, but not the where. Leave them at said house by 4pm or so. Go enjoy selves and complete sentences.

Monday: Enjoy selves. Hope things go well. You see, I just found out today that soccer camp is THIS day, not next week. But I just signed them up for Vacation Bible School At. The. Same. Time. Dude, not fair. I had this planned at least a month ago. AAGH! I think it will work, and I'm glad our friends love us, because it may or may not take a few people to pull this off. I can't immediately get ahold of the people watching our kids, because they are out of town. I did call and email, so hopefully that will help. Honestly, this is such a huge screw up, but I dare not put off this overnight, or it will never happen. Besides, the family in question will get me back in August. Go right ahead, guys!
That night, we should come home in one piece, and again, collapse.

Tuesday: Soccer camp, not VBS. Oh crap. I have an ultrasound at 9:30. I just realized this. I think I can get someone to help me with this too, it's just a teensy bit more complicated than I anticipated, and I already moved the ultrasound. This is getting downright comical.
Then I will pay back said savior by watching her kids while they have a very important appt. having to do with fostering small beings. So she will get me back, too.

See? What comes around always goes around, doesn't it?
WHAT have I DONE?

Ok, new post for the to do list. Must call savior on Tuesday and chat now.
Have a super weekend everybody!

Some people just make us look bad... :)

Happy Birthday, Mr. President. Way to inspire!

Prepping for Parenthood

Can I die laughing? I stole this from a new friend on Facebook. I very rarely friend people I've never met, but today I did. The comments on my college friend's page were just too much for either of us to resist. So fun! I'll probably never even meet this person! But we obviously share a sense of humor, as seen below:

FOLLOW THESE 14 SIMPLE TESTS BEFORE YOU DECIDE TO HAVE CHILDREN.

Test 1 - Preparation
Women: To prepare for pregnancy:-
1. Put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front.
2. Leave it there.
3. After 9 months remove 5% of the beans.

Men: To prepare for children:-
1. Go to a local chemist, tip the contents of your wallet onto the counter &
tell the pharmacist to help himself
2. Go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their
head office.
3. Go home. Pick up the newspaper & read it for the last time.

Test 2 - Knowledge
Find a couple who are already parents & berate them about their methods of
discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels & how they
have allowed their children to run wild. Suggest ways in which they might
improve their child's sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners &
overall behavior.
Enjoy it. It will be the last time in your life that you will have all the
answers.

Test 3 - Nights
To discover how the nights will feel:
1. Walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag weighing
approximately 4 - 6kg, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious
sound) playing loudly.
2. At 10pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight & go to sleep.
3. Get up at 11pm & walk the bag around the living room until 1am.
4. Set the alarm for 3am.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2am & make a cup of tea.
6. Go to bed at 2.45am.
7. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs in the dark until 4am.
9. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up when it goes off.
10. Make breakfast.
Keep this up for 5 years. LOOK CHEERFUL.

Test 4 - Dressing Small Children
1. Buy a live octopus & a string bag.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that no arms hang out.
Time Allowed: 5 minutes.

Test 5 - Cars
1. Forget the BMW. Buy a practical 5-door wagon.
2. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone & put it in the glove compartment. Leave it
there.
3. Get a coin. Insert it into the CD player.
4. Take a box of chocolate biscuits; mash them into the back seat.
5. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Test 6 - Going For a Walk
Wait
Go out the front door
Come back in again
Go out
Come back in again
Go out again
Walk down the front path
Walk back up it
Walk down it again
Walk very slowly down the road for 5 minutes.
Stop, inspect minutely & ask at least 6 questions about every piece of used
chewing gum, dirty tissue & dead insect along the way.
Retrace your steps
Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbours come
out & stare at you.
Give up & go back into the house.
You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.

Test 7
Repeat everything you say at least 5 times.

Test 8 - Grocery Shopping
1. Go to the local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can find
to a pre-school child - a fully grown goat is excellent. If you intend to
have more than 1 child, take more than 1 goat.
2. Buy your weekly groceries without letting the goat(s) out of your sight.
3. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.
Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having
children.

Test 9 - Feeding a 1 year-old
1. Hollow out a melon
2. Make a small hole in the side
3. Suspend the melon from the ceiling & swing it side to side
4. Now get a bowl of soggy cornflakes & attempt to spoon them into the
swaying melon while pretending to be an aeroplane.
5. Continue until half the cornflakes are gone.
6. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the
floor.

Test 10 - TV
1. Learn the names of every character from the Wiggles, Barney, Teletubbies &
Disney.
2. Watch nothing else on television for at least 5 years.

Test 11 - Mess
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out:
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa & jam onto the curtains
2. Hide a fish behind the stereo & leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds & then rub them on clean walls. Cover
the stains with crayon. How does that look?
4. Empty every drawer/cupboard/storage box in your house onto the floor &
leave it there.

Test 12 - Long Trips with Toddlers
1. Make a recording of someone shouting 'Mummy' repeatedly. Important Notes:
No more than a 4 second delay between each Mummy. Include occasional
crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet.
2. Play this tape in your car, everywhere you go for the next 4 years.
You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Test 13 - Conversations
1. Start talking to an adult of your choice.
2. Have someone else continually tug on your shirt hem or shirt sleeve while
playing the Mummy tape listed above.
You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child
in the room.

Test 14 - Getting ready for work
1. Pick a day on which you have an important meeting.
2. Put on your finest work attire.
3. Take a cup of cream & put 1 cup of lemon juice in it
4. Stir
5. Dump half of it on your nice silk shirt
6. Saturate a towel with the other half of the mixture
7. Attempt to clean your shirt with the same saturated towel
8. Do not change (you have no time).
9. Go directly to work

You are now ready to have children.

SO TRUE!

A funny for you! I so know how this goes. Project or maintenance? Homeschooling or cleaning? Pick one! Not all!

Couldn't resist

I have to say, my mom's been getting some beauty forwards lately. I cracked up at this one.

I recently asked my friend's little
> girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she
> wanted to be President some day.
>
> Both of her parents, liberal Democrats,
> were standing there, so I asked her, "If you were
> President what would be the first thing you would do?"
>
> She replied, "I'd give food
> and houses to all the homeless people."
>
> Her parents beamed.
>
> "Wow, what a worthy goal," I
> told her, "but you don't have to wait until
> you're President to do that. You can come over to my
> house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and
> I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the
> grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can
> give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house."
>
> She thought that over for a few
> seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked,
> "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the
> work, and you can just pay him the $50?"
>
> I said, "Welcome to the Republican
> Party."
>
> **Her parents still aren't speaking
> to me.**

Education at it's best

I really like this story. Maybe you have seen it before. Hilarious!

Lipstick in School

According to a news report, a certain private school in
Washington was recently faced with a unique problem. A
number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick
and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but
after they put on their lipstick, they would press their
lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night the maintenance man would remove them, and the
next day the girls would put them back.


Finally the principal decided that something had to be
done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them
there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these
lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian
who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just
imagine the yawns from the little princesses).

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the
mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how
much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the
toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers .. and then there are educators!

Happy Valentine's Day to me

This is what the two eldest children drew for my valentine. If you look closely, I think you will see that I am supposed to be pregnant. I'm not, just so that rumor doesn't get away. But I asked them why I was pregnant in the picture.

Gabe said, "Because we want another girl. There are too many boys around here."
Brandon said, "No, we want a boy."

I told them I think adoption guarantees that gender thing, but pregnancy is not a good way to go about getting what you want if you have a strong opinion like that.
Silly children.

I do have one more spot in the back seat, but that car is soooo not paid off in case we, say, adopt and then get pregnant. Because Murphy lives at our house, that's the kind of thing we can predict. So, sorry kids, but it was a nice thought! We'd just prefer a teeny bit more room for error and less debt before we go thinking things like that again!

Very, very cute.

George Obama

Just had to share...

How Many Parents Do I Have Again??

This is one of those "you had to be there" kinds of posts, but I think some people will find it funny anyway. It sure is funny to us. And it's a good thing we don't take conversations too seriously when we have them with people under age 10.

Information needed to understand what they are talking about:

1. We have four kids, ages 8,6,4 and 1.
2. We have done foster care and the six year old is adopted.
3. We have friends we see every week who are currently doing foster care, and their foster kids, ages 3 and 5, often talk about their two moms and one dad who they are genetically related to. You don't EVEN want to know the whole story at all, there are a lot more children involved than just these two. The case is almost two years old with no real end in sight. Luckily for you, I'm not allowed to tell you what I do know, and there's plenty more I do not know. Suffice it to say, my children hear a lot about "our real parents" and their names very often. The names of these parents are becoming household names in our house as well as our friends, the foster parents', house.

Our daughter, age 4, plays with their daughter, age 5, who talks about Mommmy M, Mommy J, and Daddy M. Our daughter now wants to know who HER real parents are.
We tell her, "Honey, we ARE your real parents." "NOooooooo! Who are my OTHER parents, my NORMAL parents?"

May I add that we are driving to church right now?

"Honey, you and two of your brothers only have us for parents. Your other brother has birth parents, and M and J do, too, but you only have us, just like the other two."

The adopted child then has to pipe in, "Remember when I was baptized?" and inserts the fact that they all have godparents, too, and we run down the list. I had to explain previously about three times, usually at bedtime, that she has godparents who pray and help her love God, to which she says, "I already DO love God." I say, "Oh good, it sure is a good thing they pray for you then."

So now we have godparents, birth parents, foster parents and regular old fashioned parents. I try to insert here that the usual, normal thing is to have one set of parents. Not that all the other ways are bad, but really, normal is two parents. Something has to happen to make all these other parents happen in one's life.

I was hoping this was over, until the adopted one pipes up, "I wish I was in foster care again." Keep in mind he doesn't remember being is foster care, because he was only 2.5 when the final adoption happened. He has pictures of visits though, and they involve toys and food, as well as birth parents he doesn't remember. And if you are wondering, no, we don't see them, because it isn't safe. He is free to go looking for them when he is 18. Other background: He does have a sister, and we do see her from time to time.

"You wish you were in foster care?? But then you wouldn't live with us, you'd live with strangers. Why do you want to be in foster care?"

"Because."

"Not a good answer. Why do you REALLY want to be in foster care?"

"Because there were toys."

Um... wow. "So you'd rather live with strangers so you can have more toys?"

"Yes." Commence small tantrum in the back seat as laughing from big brother kicks in, not to mention bewildered giggling from parents. Like this child has no toys... obviously, we deprive him horribly.

Me: "Dear, I'm going to chalk this one up under weird things our kids say we should not be offended by." "Good idea."

Our daughter is still having an identity crisis, but we're ok with that. Have you ever tried to convince a four year old of a Fact that she doesn't believe? It's really not worth it. So we've explained this about four times now, and I guess we'll just keep at it until it sinks in or she gives up.

Nobody ever taught us this one in foster parent training.

:)

The 12 Days of Christmas Song for Large Families

I got this on a yahoo group.

Omigoodness, I have heard all of these so many times, and I only have four. If you have less than four, would you please delete all these lines from your vocabulary and encourage your friends to do so as well!?

You think they are funny the first few times, then you wonder why in the world perfect strangers ask you these things and think they are original.

The second you get past two kids, this starts every time you go out in public.

And now you know why we don't bring them all with us to Costco very often! We're all in hiding!!

The 12 Days of Christmas in a large homeschooling family.

Doggy + Baby = EW.

We're babysitting a poodle for the next three days. She's really cute and gray and her name is Suzette. Great poodle name, no?

I brought all her stuff over today, and in a bag were two little stuffed animals she likes to chew on (you can tell by what they look like).

Dominic thinks he's a dog and he's 19 months old. He got down and picked up the stuffed cat in his mouth and walked around with it. Suzette and Dominic are having some jealousy issues. The next thing I know, the dog leaps up and grabs the toy right out of the baby's mouth! I'm SO glad Suzette doesn't bite, so I can get my kids used to her before we get our own dog. That way I can teach them gradually how to act without them having facial scarring! The baby and the dog are also fighting over who my lap belongs to. It obviously does not belong to me.

In other news, the neighbors and I had an impromptu snow-shoveling party down the driveway from us. It's a real steep hill and some folks have been stuck a while, and since someone needed a push anyway, we got out three shovels and some bags of sand, and whooosh! the hill is now maneuverable. Why did we not do this before? Because we THOUGHT it would MELT! It's not supposed to be around anymore. It is way overdue, and I think we got two more inches this afternoon. Then we turned around and shoveled enough to get our beater back in the carport. It took an awful lot of head starts and fishtailing, but in the end, it is back in there, where it belongs, never to leave again til more melting occurs.

Time to cook dinner... laters!

My thoughts exactly. Only better.

The Common Room had this link and I clicked on it. It cracked me up. Especially the very last line...