How Many Parents Do I Have Again??

This is one of those "you had to be there" kinds of posts, but I think some people will find it funny anyway. It sure is funny to us. And it's a good thing we don't take conversations too seriously when we have them with people under age 10.

Information needed to understand what they are talking about:

1. We have four kids, ages 8,6,4 and 1.
2. We have done foster care and the six year old is adopted.
3. We have friends we see every week who are currently doing foster care, and their foster kids, ages 3 and 5, often talk about their two moms and one dad who they are genetically related to. You don't EVEN want to know the whole story at all, there are a lot more children involved than just these two. The case is almost two years old with no real end in sight. Luckily for you, I'm not allowed to tell you what I do know, and there's plenty more I do not know. Suffice it to say, my children hear a lot about "our real parents" and their names very often. The names of these parents are becoming household names in our house as well as our friends, the foster parents', house.

Our daughter, age 4, plays with their daughter, age 5, who talks about Mommmy M, Mommy J, and Daddy M. Our daughter now wants to know who HER real parents are.
We tell her, "Honey, we ARE your real parents." "NOooooooo! Who are my OTHER parents, my NORMAL parents?"

May I add that we are driving to church right now?

"Honey, you and two of your brothers only have us for parents. Your other brother has birth parents, and M and J do, too, but you only have us, just like the other two."

The adopted child then has to pipe in, "Remember when I was baptized?" and inserts the fact that they all have godparents, too, and we run down the list. I had to explain previously about three times, usually at bedtime, that she has godparents who pray and help her love God, to which she says, "I already DO love God." I say, "Oh good, it sure is a good thing they pray for you then."

So now we have godparents, birth parents, foster parents and regular old fashioned parents. I try to insert here that the usual, normal thing is to have one set of parents. Not that all the other ways are bad, but really, normal is two parents. Something has to happen to make all these other parents happen in one's life.

I was hoping this was over, until the adopted one pipes up, "I wish I was in foster care again." Keep in mind he doesn't remember being is foster care, because he was only 2.5 when the final adoption happened. He has pictures of visits though, and they involve toys and food, as well as birth parents he doesn't remember. And if you are wondering, no, we don't see them, because it isn't safe. He is free to go looking for them when he is 18. Other background: He does have a sister, and we do see her from time to time.

"You wish you were in foster care?? But then you wouldn't live with us, you'd live with strangers. Why do you want to be in foster care?"

"Because."

"Not a good answer. Why do you REALLY want to be in foster care?"

"Because there were toys."

Um... wow. "So you'd rather live with strangers so you can have more toys?"

"Yes." Commence small tantrum in the back seat as laughing from big brother kicks in, not to mention bewildered giggling from parents. Like this child has no toys... obviously, we deprive him horribly.

Me: "Dear, I'm going to chalk this one up under weird things our kids say we should not be offended by." "Good idea."

Our daughter is still having an identity crisis, but we're ok with that. Have you ever tried to convince a four year old of a Fact that she doesn't believe? It's really not worth it. So we've explained this about four times now, and I guess we'll just keep at it until it sinks in or she gives up.

Nobody ever taught us this one in foster parent training.

:)