Foster care thoughts

I've been mulling over this for a couple of days, and I think I'm ready to write it down. We'll see what really happens here...
First of all, I want to say that our experience of foster care was worth it, and that, given a bigger house, we might (I say, MIGHT) consider doing it again. We have one adopted child and three biological children. We did foster care on and off from late 2001 until the present, when I personally am still on record as having a respite license. During that time we have had four actual placements, and two of those were for only a few days. One we kept. One we didn't. Her name is Nikkole, and she is six. She is probably somewhere between Arlington and Everett, and I hope she's not back in foster care, but no social worker who knows anything will call me back. So I keep praying instead. As it is, she wouldn't fit well into our family if we did get her back, and we have no room right now anyway. So I should probably not obsess. However, it still feels like a loss. We wonder if she's ok and we miss her. We had several other respite placements, a week or a few days at a time, and they have been adopted and all is going well!
I don't want people to get the wrong impression of how things go. Here's what you most need to know: The POINT of foster care is to GIVE THEM BACK to their parents. The point is not to adopt them. If that happens, great! If you are going into foster care with the intent to adopt, that's also great. One great feature is that it is free. We fronted $600 for the adoption, and got a check reimbursing us the next week. BUT, you might not get to keep a kid placed in your care. You need to go into it knowing that. Otherwise, you are setting yourself and that child up for nothing good. There are many books written on this subject, and your library or www.tapestrybooks.com is a good place to start. If you are in it to adopt, try to adopt a child who is already legally free, with paperwork terminating parental rights (TPR). Northwest Adoption Exchange has a website and it's a very honest one. I'm glad, because a lot of these kids have serious problems.
Now, the personal part of this post is about a certain family who has two foster kids right now. They have had them for nearly a year. They have done an amazing job as foster parents, and they are completely and utterly aware of the chance that one or both of these children may go back. But they continue to shower them with love and affection, and take pictures like crazy people, as if they were legally their children. Recent conversations have led us to believe that it is possible that one of the children will go back to a birth parent, and one of them won't. This is going to be tremendously hard on the kids, because once a child goes back, the foster parent may not want to be in touch with that birth parent. Many reasons for this exist. Most cases of foster care include drug or alcohol abuse, lack of normal social boundaries, or domestic violence. These are not people you want to share your address and phone number with. And so siblings do lose contact. This is very hard on children, but sometimes it is necessary. The hard part with this situation also is that these children now have lots of friends. Because of privacy laws, we really can't stay in touch with any kid who is returned. So all of our friends in our prayer group will not be able to see them anymore, and our kids will be sad about this. We will have pictures and memories, but no visits.
One thing that can and does happen (our godchild is a prime example), is that a child, once returned, comes back into foster care within a year. The parents try and fail again. Usually, the state will call the last known foster parent, but not always (as in our case with Nikkole). It's possible this child will come back.
If you ever want to experience and roller coaster of emotions, this is definitely it.
Is it worth it? YES. We are making a difference to these children. It is not, ultimately, about us. It is about them. If they had even a year of normal family life, then they at least know what they are looking for and know what can be. Someday they may find it again.
Meanwhile, for readers who know what I'm talking about, please pray for the girl I'm referring to. We hope God's will be done, but we don't know what or why it is. There is no way to know until the judge signs the final papers, and if they are returned, that still might not be the end.
Keep up the hard work, all you foster parents out there. It's a good, hard, worthy road.