Prepping for Parenthood

Can I die laughing? I stole this from a new friend on Facebook. I very rarely friend people I've never met, but today I did. The comments on my college friend's page were just too much for either of us to resist. So fun! I'll probably never even meet this person! But we obviously share a sense of humor, as seen below:

FOLLOW THESE 14 SIMPLE TESTS BEFORE YOU DECIDE TO HAVE CHILDREN.

Test 1 - Preparation
Women: To prepare for pregnancy:-
1. Put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front.
2. Leave it there.
3. After 9 months remove 5% of the beans.

Men: To prepare for children:-
1. Go to a local chemist, tip the contents of your wallet onto the counter &
tell the pharmacist to help himself
2. Go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their
head office.
3. Go home. Pick up the newspaper & read it for the last time.

Test 2 - Knowledge
Find a couple who are already parents & berate them about their methods of
discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels & how they
have allowed their children to run wild. Suggest ways in which they might
improve their child's sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners &
overall behavior.
Enjoy it. It will be the last time in your life that you will have all the
answers.

Test 3 - Nights
To discover how the nights will feel:
1. Walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag weighing
approximately 4 - 6kg, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious
sound) playing loudly.
2. At 10pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight & go to sleep.
3. Get up at 11pm & walk the bag around the living room until 1am.
4. Set the alarm for 3am.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2am & make a cup of tea.
6. Go to bed at 2.45am.
7. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs in the dark until 4am.
9. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up when it goes off.
10. Make breakfast.
Keep this up for 5 years. LOOK CHEERFUL.

Test 4 - Dressing Small Children
1. Buy a live octopus & a string bag.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that no arms hang out.
Time Allowed: 5 minutes.

Test 5 - Cars
1. Forget the BMW. Buy a practical 5-door wagon.
2. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone & put it in the glove compartment. Leave it
there.
3. Get a coin. Insert it into the CD player.
4. Take a box of chocolate biscuits; mash them into the back seat.
5. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Test 6 - Going For a Walk
Wait
Go out the front door
Come back in again
Go out
Come back in again
Go out again
Walk down the front path
Walk back up it
Walk down it again
Walk very slowly down the road for 5 minutes.
Stop, inspect minutely & ask at least 6 questions about every piece of used
chewing gum, dirty tissue & dead insect along the way.
Retrace your steps
Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbours come
out & stare at you.
Give up & go back into the house.
You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.

Test 7
Repeat everything you say at least 5 times.

Test 8 - Grocery Shopping
1. Go to the local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can find
to a pre-school child - a fully grown goat is excellent. If you intend to
have more than 1 child, take more than 1 goat.
2. Buy your weekly groceries without letting the goat(s) out of your sight.
3. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.
Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having
children.

Test 9 - Feeding a 1 year-old
1. Hollow out a melon
2. Make a small hole in the side
3. Suspend the melon from the ceiling & swing it side to side
4. Now get a bowl of soggy cornflakes & attempt to spoon them into the
swaying melon while pretending to be an aeroplane.
5. Continue until half the cornflakes are gone.
6. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the
floor.

Test 10 - TV
1. Learn the names of every character from the Wiggles, Barney, Teletubbies &
Disney.
2. Watch nothing else on television for at least 5 years.

Test 11 - Mess
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out:
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa & jam onto the curtains
2. Hide a fish behind the stereo & leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds & then rub them on clean walls. Cover
the stains with crayon. How does that look?
4. Empty every drawer/cupboard/storage box in your house onto the floor &
leave it there.

Test 12 - Long Trips with Toddlers
1. Make a recording of someone shouting 'Mummy' repeatedly. Important Notes:
No more than a 4 second delay between each Mummy. Include occasional
crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet.
2. Play this tape in your car, everywhere you go for the next 4 years.
You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Test 13 - Conversations
1. Start talking to an adult of your choice.
2. Have someone else continually tug on your shirt hem or shirt sleeve while
playing the Mummy tape listed above.
You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child
in the room.

Test 14 - Getting ready for work
1. Pick a day on which you have an important meeting.
2. Put on your finest work attire.
3. Take a cup of cream & put 1 cup of lemon juice in it
4. Stir
5. Dump half of it on your nice silk shirt
6. Saturate a towel with the other half of the mixture
7. Attempt to clean your shirt with the same saturated towel
8. Do not change (you have no time).
9. Go directly to work

You are now ready to have children.

Notre Dame Response

There's been a lot in the paper about Notre Dame inviting President Obama to their commencement tomorrow. There's also been a lot of stupid commentary. Several news commentators think that some "rogue Catholics" are trying to tell the US president how to think, even though he's not Catholic. No, we are not. We are asking a Catholic University to uphold Catholic teaching. We are not asking non-Catholics to do anything. The bishops and archbishops are shepherds of Catholics, not everyone, and they know that. By keeping silent, they are letting their flock be mislead. They've been patient a long time, perhaps thinking people would come around, but it's only gotten worse. Many people think that the few students who've decided to protest and not attend their own graduation are a bunch of lunatics. They are not. They apparently went to a Catholic university on purpose, not because it was The Fighting Irish. It's not just for the football, people.

I don't know where this is going, but it's going somewhere. We are not infringing on others' opinions, we are simply asking Catholic institutions to BE Catholic, and if they don't want to be, then please feel free to leave. Flaunting the request of bishops is not at all the job of a university president. I know academia has gotten into the habit of disobedience, but it has got to stop.

Another fun thing I keep seeing in comments after news articles is that "the Catholic Church's biggest worry should be that it will be a much smaller church if all these people leave." YES! It WOULD be! I don't remember the Bible asking us to keep a certain number of followers of Christ. It asks us to be faithful. If we cannot do that, there are many other churches to belong to, and that's ok. If that's their journey of faith, let them follow it. What I'm tired of is people trying to "liberalize" the Church. It's the body of Christ! Christ isn't modern enough because he doesn't go along with what the world wants? Since when??
Anyway, I'm done with that soapbox... for now. Let us continue to be "a sign of contradiction."

Please enjoy this video from NDresponse.com

Save Poca

This is quite a story, yet another from my great state of WA. We were foster parents, and we had great social workers. I hope whoever has a power trip loses their job. This is very sad, and not completely unheard of. Too bad it has to get to the Today Show to get the governor to intervene. Go Dick and Amy!!

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Please pray for this mom

Facebook sure does get the news out quick. Someone I knew in high school, Melissa Westley, posted that her son "was killed" the night before Mother's Day. She said no more about it except how much pain she was in. She is a single mom with two other kids, both girls. I can't imagine her pain. Today there was finally an article in the local paper.

http://www.dailyastorian.com/main.asp?SectionID=2&SubSectionID=398&ArticleID=60827

That he died right in front of her is impossible to fathom as a mom. Please pray for healing and hope on the other end of the darkness she is in right now, and for all those affected.

And thank God if your family is alive and well.

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day! Nine years ago, I got a present for Mother's Day, and also flowers all the way from Gonzaga, because I couldn't be there for my friends' graduation, I was busy giving birth exactly one year after my own college graduation! I have to say, I was not predicting that!!

But I'm so glad my oldest child is here, alive and well. We sure were panicked when he showed up, but it all turned out well. I wish more people knew that it all gets better if you just work hard and make good, right, and sometimes hard decisions. To the moms who do that every day, and the dads who help them, Happy Day to YOU!

I'm stealing this today for your Mother's Day quote from President Teddy Roosevelt. Good man, good man.

http://donotbediscouraged.blogspot.com/2009/05/happy-mothers-day.html

And from Organic and Thrifty, we have an intro to the fun of Farmer's Markets this summer: http://oreganicthrifty.blogspot.com/2009/05/to-market-to-market-we-go.html

AND, this was an awesome video. Actually, I will just link you to this blog, too. The 9 minute video is worth watching, to see how someone totally transformed their yard and now they have 6000 lbs of produce from about 1/8 of a football field per year. The only sad thing for me is OF COURSE they can do that! They live in Pasadena! But still, it is beautiful, and I'm working on my own jungle paradise here.

http://salesianity.blogspot.com/2009/05/living-real-simple-life.html

Here's to a beautiful summer!

Snapshot of now

Every once in a while, I like to do a kind of diary entry. So here goes.

1. I'm pregnant. I will be for six more months, God willing. The progesterone levels are staying good, so maybe if they are excellent next Wed. I'll experiment with getting off. If they drop, I get back on. The dr. said I can run it myself, and so I shall. At least I have last time's data to go on.

2. We are three weeks away from the end of the homeschooling year. Yay us! Brandon is technically done with kindergarten, but I try to play with his brain anyway. Gabe is slogging through the end of fourth grade. He'll be nine years old tomorrow. Yes, I know the age and grade do not match, but that's where we are at. He is doing a lot of whining today, but I reminded him that if he gets it done today, tomorrow he can enjoy his birthday. Noooooooooo....! Yeah, get on with it, kid. I think I'll start Grace on real kindergarten next year. I'd like to let her try an actual preschool next year, while she still can, outside the home, but I will have to see if we have two cars then, because I can't bet on having a car if we're still sharing, due to shift changes every three months. She says she wants to go to "little girl school". Hilarious.

3. My DH came up with something just wonderful. We took the entire Financial Peace University course with Dave Ramsey (thank you Ray and Elizabeth!), and I was really struggling to make mvelopes.com work, and I couldn't really make a paper budget work either, but finally, my amazing, smart, awesome husband came up with an Excel spreadsheet of the Dave Ramsey allocated spending plan. THANK GOD! Because now, guess what?? I don't have to do MATH! I can totally enter numbers, so long as I don't have to crunch them! So I just enter the numbers, and three months of budget changes magically!! We have May, June and July, and we added things like going to a wedding, soccer camp, and computer parts, so we know ahead of time if it's going to work or not, instead of crossing our fingers. Also, what we both like best is that we aren't going to fight about it. I used to say, "Honey, there is NO MONEY for what you want to buy, no matter how much we need it!" and he'd say, "Oh, come one, there has to be!", and being really lame with numbers, I couldn't really show him why, but I was sure of it. Now, he can look for himself, re-crunch the numbers if necessary, and happily prioritize what we'll buy during what month. For instance, running shoes are needed, but won't be bought til well into June. Yay us! Thank goodness my husband is not just like me. This is an excellent invention. Right now he's trying to tweak it so that I can enter what I've actually spent, day by day, vs. the goal for that paycheck. We'll see how that turns out, but right now I'm super happy with this the way it is!

4. I really need to get the oil changed and the wheels done at Toyota of Kirkland. Do I want to go down there with all the kids today, or shall I put it off til next week? I'm thinking next week, but the oil change needs to happen today. We're 2000 miles over, and that makes me uncomfy as we are rapidly approaching the 100K mark on this wonderful 2001 Toyota Sienna XLE. I love my car. Too bad it's the commuter car for now, til we can buy a real commuter car. We used to use the bus, but it's impossible now for my husband to do, so we're kind of stuck sharing again. At least we are good at it. This must change, though, before the baby comes. And it very likely will. We have plans.

5. Summer is almost here. My garden is growing, it's supposed to be beautiful tomorrow, and park days for homeschoolers have started as of yesterday. I love summer around here. There is sooooo much we can do.

6. My friend Jennifer Wagner Estes passed away from cancer after six years' fight last week. I am sad, but glad for her that it's over. I think some of her closer friends are having a harder time than I am, and I pray for them. It is hard. She was such a beautiful person.

7. I'd like to ask prayers for a friend of mine whose marriage is already rather shaky, her housing is a bit shaky, and her fourth child is probably going to be diagnosed with autism. She has to wait three months for a full eval. This is going to be very hard on them, I think. Having rather extensive experience with autism and the effect on families as a whole, it's going to really be quite a cross for this family in particular. I kind of thought so after babysitting the child in question last fall, and I'm really glad they are getting help while he's still about 3 years old. God bless them!

8. I'd just like to say a prayer for families whose families of origin can't or won't agree to be on friendly terms. We have issues in our families just like everyone else, but I wish they were better. Sometimes I read amazing stories of families getting better, of a horrible father finally realizing his problem and becoming a great dad after 10 or 20 years, things like that. And I realize I'm not supposed to give up on anyone. But how can I hope when some people are completely unreasonable, and over the last ten years it has only gotten worse, to the point where we barely communicate and don't want to expose our children to the brainwashing craziness? It's really hard to want your kids to know a family member, but to think it mentally unsafe to strengthen that shaky bond. Where do you decide to break the cycle, and where do decide to forgive and forget over and over and over? I guess there's nothing really to do except pray.

9. My husband has bad cholesterol, and so that diet post from last time is something we're working on. My numbers are fantastic, but his are not, and a lot of it is genetic. He really got the short end of the stick in his family genetic code. Diet and exercise are of course a start, so we're working harder on both, and those Microsoft benefits are awesome. He gets a nutritionist! Yay! It's not like we eat out already, but if there are changes to be made, we'll make them. I made a heck of a Trader Joe's run yesterday.

10. Our will arrived at the front door yesterday. If you need a will, I recommend our college friend Jeremy Yates at Ascension Law in Seattle. He is a good guy and did a great job. We have a paper copy and a CD of everything. Thanks, Jeremy! And for our friends who might get our kids if anything happens, don't worry, we intend to stay alive. Doubling your family size overnight is not a nice thing for us to do to you! :)

Ok, all done now. Now, extra coffee, or no more, you're cut off.... that is the question.

I went to the Catholic homeschooling conference....

... and I hardly spent any money! Yay me! It takes a lot of will power not to spend at least $300 while there, but since I didn't even have $50, well, that wasn't so hard, now, was it?

What I did come away with was... new blogs to haunt! Heaven!

I also came away with a profound respect for the other moms and dads who maneuver this tiny subculture we have. The funny part is, it doesn't feel tiny to me, because the people I hang out with most are part of it. Generally, we're all like the book "Crunchy Cons" and our priorities move in those circles more or less. So, most of us homeschool, most of us actually believe in what the Catholic Church teaches, to each letter of the Cathecism of the Catholic Church (CCC), including our use of NFP. We generally lean toward hippie-like tendencies, like organic food, city chickens, camping, etc. Now, some of us would be offended by the label "hippie", but if that's being good stewards of the Earth, then we are doing that, a la the book of Genesis. :) We are all trying to create our own, fairly innocent, well-formed Garden of Eden. And then we'll see where that goes from there.

That all said, there were a healthy mix of opportunities when it came to the speakers at the conference. The website for the conference is www.nwcatholicconference.com and it will have lots of notes on it in a jiffy from all the speakers. I'm very thankful for this, because I couldn't get there before noon, and when I was there, I could hardly hear or was mightily distracted by four children. They were actually very good, I might add, most of the time. We did have a stealing incident, but that was well taken care of by a personal apology and note. Happily, I know the vendor, and she has nine kids and 21 grandkids! She says she's been there, done that. And Mr. Six Year Old was suitably embarrassed, which was a big relief to me. They had a great time with all kinds of kids their age and other ages. Gabe learned lots of chess, soccer, football and Catholic trivia, and we all learned my kids are very, very attracted to small plastic knights from China and also the math program Math U See. Which is expensive, but just might be worth it for aforementioned six year old. He was all over it. Happily, someone I know will be letting me borrow the lowest level. Thank goodness for the generosity of homeschoolers!

I have a few websites for you. Ready? Get set? GO.

Think organic is too expensive? This lady has got some great tips and stories for you! Search around. She swears raw milk saved her small son from nastiness. Very good reading:

Organic and Thrifty

Meredith Henning on incorporating the Liturgical Year into your home. Mondays with Mary is her first book, and it's adorable. Here is her blog:


http://happyheartsmom.typepad.com/

and here is where you can order her book(think tea and crumpets with Marian Holy Days): https://www.lulu.com/commerce/index.php?fBuyContent=6582999


Robin Betz's notes from her talk called "Prioritizing With Blinders On":

http://www.nwcatholicconference.com/Notes/PrioritizingWithBlindersOnByRobinBetz.pdf

Cooking "Traditional Foods", meaning stuff we ate before we refined everything last century:


http://www.cookingtf.com/


And lastly, I need to mention the absolutely coolest homeschooling book I have read in ages. It deserves (and will likely get) its own post. It doesn't just talk about socialization for kids, it spells out socialization for families, meaning parents! And how to do it, and NOT do it. Let's just say I've run over her most important rule, oh, I don't know, constantly? But that doesn't mean I don't agree with her. She's right. I just have a very weak spot when it comes to fairly innocent gossip and then putting my foot in my mouth so it's not so innocent, and if I just shut my mouth altogether like she says, I'd never get my foot in there.... sigh. That's why they invented Confession. :P

Here is the book and the link to her blog. Buy the book if you can. It's worth it!

Cottage Blessings: A Haystack Full of Needles

I think my favorite part of the book is that socialization was why she was most opposed to homeschooling in the beginning, and now she thinks that might be its best strength! From what she wrote, I agree with her! Thank you, Alice, for writing this... we all need it! Even those whose kids are not being homeschooled. If you are a parent, it's a great read. Esp. a Catholic parent, but really, any parent.

Ok (puff, puff), think I've blogged enough today. Phew! Thanks for sticking with me, and happy hunting!!