Hey, it's been a while. Gotta post an incredible deal. This is my size of yard, plus good room sizes. The word "foundation" will probably scare most people away. I wish I could jump on it, because it's right where we'd want to live, truly. For a ridiculously good price, too. I'm not sure how good of "fixers" we are, though. I mean, bribing your friends with pizza and beer has got to get old at some point...
House in Silver Lake
Monday, August 31, 2009
More informal home advice from Robin
Our friend Robin has been sending these lists out. Please pardon the grammar, it's all she can do to get it out there to other people, and a service I'm glad she's providing. It does provide a lot of food for thought. And it makes me really glad I have my boys in scouts.
Please keep in mind I am typing these as if I’d be speaking to you, short, brief, slang, to the point, no messin’ around…I’m tired, short of time but I do want to share what I have learned that might be of support to you.
Pray for me as I do for you, robin
11. Boys, boy’s boys: what do you do with your boys and how come very few families home school their older boys!
Robin Reply:
(I JUST sent mine into the mountains and told my husband to put them each atop a DIFFERENT hill and tell them, ‘good luck boys, come back men!!”)
Ok, I hear ya sister! There is nothing like boys; their kiss on the cheek, their bringing mom a flower at age 2, 12, or 22 is unforgettable, their smile, and now, as I have older ones, their ability to care for me and their sisters, the pride they exude when brining the fire wood and setting the fire, fixing the broken bike or lifting a heavy box for me; best yet, how my oldest son awaits in the car for me after the gym cuz mom is chatting; he leans over to open the door for me as a sign of his honor.
Ahhh, boys, I do treasure then and thank God for them as hard as it is cuz as much joy and passion as they stir in me that is good and noble, I often question if the irritation and frustration and SMELL far outweighs the joy that I may be showing! J
Boys are challenging and different and we, as woman, don’t have a natural sense to give them what they need; we need to work at it. It is our responsibility to work at it and it’s well worth our effort to work at it. I’m not saying to replace the father or male figure, but, just as we need to recognize we once were premenstrual therefore we need to forgive the hormone highs and lows of our daughters and NOT get caught in a cat fight for we are the ones who will look like a fool (what they are doing is NORAML, what we are doing is childish and dysfunction – I’ve been there), we also need to be able to step back and accept our boys for where they are at, in fact, to thank God they are moving through the prepubescent boyhood into man hood; allow it, praise it, honor it and often send ‘it’ far into the woods! J
I also believe not all boys are the same of course and I also find that boys, coming consecutively, vs. a girl thrown in there to balance out the hormone/testosterone influx, also makes for a very different dynamic. (i.e.: I have mostly boy, girl, boy girls, but the one time I had two boys in a row...WOW…VERY different dynamic! ) Then, depending on mom’s temperament, the size of the house and the makeup of the dad; all varying possibilities to the depth of dirt, intensity of the smell and regularity of the surprises a mom is going to find herself asked to endure! J
Two books I highly recommend are: A Parent’s Guide to preventing Homosexuality and Wild at Heart. They go hand in hand; the short message is, boys/men are different and woman/wives/mothers need to recognize this and honor this. we also need to provide the environment for them for their ability to live out /carry out what they need to become strong noble men; we need to inspire them and support them which means, as always, picking our battles. IT means making sure they have a good strong father figure and male figures to ‘hang with’ and to emulate. It means sacrificing to make sure they have their ‘time in the woods’, even if this time means taking over part of the house to play games, have a pizza party and learn to play poker and eat only chips and root beer – possible also ‘hot tamales’. IT also means when Dad decides to keep them out later or rough house with them past their bed time; relax mom, walk away, let them have their way and trust this is bonding that will encourage strength, courage, nobility and manhood. This is not to say a mother/wife cannot and should not discuss her preference and encourage sound decision by her husband other male figures, I’m just saying, if you read these two books, your attitude will change from one of irritation and resentment towards one’s husband for taking care of his masculine needs and for nurturing your son, to an attitude of gratitude for the support you are given for YOU can never replaces this male figure you can only do your best to understand it, support it and to invite noble male models into the lives of your sons.
I just counseled a mother of four boys; on her list of ‘irritations’ was how they take 3-5 pumps of soap and stay in the bathroom ‘trashing’ it for so long and peeing around the toilet. My example included; encourage the soap and the bubbles and the creative things they can do with those but for the sake of raising noble men to be loved by their wives or welcomed into a monetary; demand good toilet manners!!! Seat wiped, lid down and floor mopped up but have a 'hay day' with those bubbles and use all the soap you want; just leave the bathroom cleaner than you found it. What mom does not know won’t hurt; usually.
Aside: for all obviously reasons, (if they are not obvious, reply to me privately) we have an open door policy, room a few boys together at least at once and we keep the boys downstairs for schooling. Schooling takes most of the day hence, by the time schooling responsibilities are cared for there is little to no more time to be ‘alone’ in the room; some privacy is necessary but TOO much idle time and guaranteed privacy is leading growing boys into temptations; girls do not have this same risk.
To reply to the question of home school homes cool boys; NOW I GET IT! I see why so few actually home school their boys through high school! Those boys are becoming young men and it makes sense that a MAN is their mentor more often than a woman; I’d think this to be normal and healthy. So, yes, I have home school one son through high school and another son is graduating this spring (presumably...its only the start of the school year nowJ) But we live in a very inconvenient place to send them to running start or coops, or, I KNOW I would do it more or at least consider it son by son whereas I might not feel as much the need to make these sacrifices for the girls. Of course, any time we ‘set them free’ there are risks but in my opinion, if you focus on a strong foundation, and if setting them up with some outside support in the high school years is doable then this will allow them to utilize the tools you have provided. If, on the other hand, you are not able to provide that schooling support outside of the home, I recommend investing in sports, scouts, or other opportunities that your boys are able to bond with growing young men and to have other male mentors and above all encourage, inspire and support your husband’s time away from home with the boys!
12. Husband traveling waah, ‘woe is me’.
Again, I hear ya sista….but now I’m feeling very different that you probably are right now. Why? Well, long ago I realized that in my little family my husband’s main role is to provide the cash and to play with my kids, then as the boys get older to really invest time with them, to ‘date’ my girls and to fix an occasional leaky toilet, fell a tree or clean the gutters and in that order. Now, the later ‘house work’ part, because he bonded with the boys by teaching them how to do it, is mostly done by my boys. My husband travels to Europe when he does travel so at times he is gone 2-3 weeks sometimes doing this 4-5 times a year. Do to economic times this is slowing down but my point is, I’ve had some experience here. The main message I am sending is this, IF your husband’s job is calling him away, and you two feel this job is where God is calling him then it is imperative that you, or you support him and figure out what God is asking of you i.e.; get over it J, lessen expectations, hire help, simplify. We want to see the expectations of Dad diminished to just ‘being’ wit the family to relives the load from him. God will provide and we as moms/wives need to accept that IF God is asking our husbands to be gone that much then there must be other ways of doing things that we once thought was the ‘right’ way for we are blessed to home school, we are blessed to have support husbands and there are many creative ways to accomplish one’s responsibilities as mother, teacher and wife….having a pity party or resenting our husbands is NOT one of them. The time away for my husband can end up being a time that my kids actually speak to him one on one more than when he is home. We make sure we have set times to talk, he makes sure to speak to each one before bed, we all write to him via email and we await his arrival….all good things. Moreover, I do my very best (often not reaching my goals as completely as I wish but I do try) to welcome him home with joy and thanksgiving for his efforts – vs. my earlier years, a ‘woe is me’ type ‘you left me’ attitude. Traveling is NOT easy, it is tiring and they always pay for it before they leave and when they come home at the office; they don’t need us whining and complaining atop the other stress; as I have OFTEN done! Shame on me.
All that being said, consult other friends who have husband who travel; have a short pity party/ share your struggle and invite their words of support, ask your friends to inspire you, open your mind to ways to get support, ask for help, consider what help you need and, of course, if you try everything and your school, home and marriage are suffering, it is only right to take this challenge to Adoration, to spiritual direction together and to consider alternative jobs for him.
33. As I'm getting organized for school to begin, I'm trying to figure out what to do with all of last year’s school stuff. What of your children's work do you keep each year? I don't want to be a pack-rat, but I also don't want to throw something away and regret it later. Are there things your children enjoy looking back on or that you like to reference? Do you need to keep any work for "record keeping" purposes? Thank you!
Short reply by Robin Betz
Are you enrolled in MODG; if yes, then I’d recommend keeping very little. If NO< then, hmmmm, maybe we should solicit someone else but my instinct is still to keep very little!:) picture your children and your children’s children browsing through these ‘keep sakes’…..biology results, NOT, self made bible with illustrations YES! J
I keep all of their ‘stuff’ that seems really ‘dear’ and also that will keep easily i.e.: their blank books that they have illustrated their poetry, their science journals, their creative writing; you get the picture. But, boring math, NO WAY!
NEXT EMAIL:
13. Some kids in home schooling, some at conventional schooling:
I can’t say how much I empathize with those who have kids in both homeschooling and public or private schooling, at the same time; I understand the need to do this at times. We, too, did this for 2 years and it was a tremendous burden, but one that we felt God was calling us to turn into His cross and buckle down and do so heroically until other plans could be made. I did a wretched job of it; homeschooling was the last thing I did, homeschooling was so burdensome and my child who was homeschooling felt it. My lack of confidence and strength is doing less for the school and more for my school kids in order to bring the appropriate balance was great; I did my home school child a great disservice.
Diving ones’ energy between home and school is a great task. As you know, having kids in school means not only that ‘routine’ but all the many relationships and extra commitments and temptations. So, it is often necessary but it’s important to prepare in all ways for this and allow it to enhance your life, seeing it as the blessing that it is, allow it to strengthen your marriage and family, or, admit this is NOT where you are called. Learn from my mistakes! J
14. Prayer time in home:
You as a family may find prayers traditions that are workable and easy to obtain and these traditions may stay in place for…ever. Or, you may find that these commitments are just not doable any longer; accept this, alter this, seek councel and make a new plan that you see (and your spiritual directors sees) is set up for success.
Mom’s prayer life, apart from the family’s spiritual commitment should include:
- seeking objective direction and setting goals for the season from Spiritual Director and other wise mom’s
-Simple doable commitments – too big, you’re set up for failure
-. I aim for my daily prayer time to reach, one hour a day (including family rote prayers), one hour a week, one hour a month in Adoration and one day a year in retreat.
When there are signs that something is lacking, my defects are outpouring. With humility I pray now that God make clear to me early on when I am slipping. I must take the time to examine my spiritual life. At one point that I was struggling and I was clearly in need of spiritual strength, I took the time to examine my life; I realized I did not have an intimate relationship with Christ or with Mary. I wanted one. I needed one, so I sought one with expectant faith. I was doing a lot for God (or was I) but I was not close to him, I was not sure I was really doing what He wanted. I committed to building intimacy with Christ and with Mary in some way. In time I was rewarded. I knew I needed to be able to seek Christ during the day, pour my heart out to Mary AT the time of need not just at the start and close of the day and during ‘rote’ prayers with my family.
I needed to learn to rely on my spiritual strength when I needed it most; all day long and often during the night! This took my humility to admit my weakness, my effort to seek council and direction and the hope and faith that if I persevered I would be rewarded. In time, during my prayer time, I started to see Mary, in the Pieta. I saw her with her son atop her in her arms. I went to her, laying my woes in her lap. Someone later told me that Mary is depicted in the Pieta exponentially larger than Jesus, to show her ability to take on the weight of the world. Next came a scene of Mary and Joseph in their humble abode; I was sitting with them. I was able to just listen, to chat; the perfect scenario for conversation – me with coffee in hand and Mary with herbal tea! I was indeed given the opportunity for a close and intimate relationship with our Lady and with Jesus; the sweetest rewards
I still fall and lose sight of a rich prayer time, but, because I once had a fruitful prayer time, I can quickly resume this relationship with little effort. It simply takes me admitting I’m falling and choosing to make my prayer time a priority.
Lastly, I connect often with the vision of Divine Mercy and Mary; in both cases, their arms out stretched, their love and mercy outpouring. I am inspired to show this love and mercy to my husband, my children, extended family, to strangers and each person I am in contact with. If my personal prayer life is suffering, I must be very careful not to get distracted by outside opportunities. I must prioritize and choose to take the time to be with God and with Mary, I envision Jesus in the Divine Mercy, Our Lady in the Pieta, all reaching out to help and to guide me.
If ALL I do is pray and connect with God and Mary in the ways I explained, this is what I believe will be the best way for me to carry out Gods will for my family for my specific calling. In doing so, I feel a great spiritual presence and peace. I’m able to pray in a moment’s notice, at time of frustration and joy. I am now able to feel peace and joy amidst chaos! I’ve listed in my notes some examples of what is currently working for me. Find what works for you, stick with it until you, through self examination, or perhaps a good friends or husband’s honesty, points it out to you that the defects of an ineffective prayer life are coming across to those you love. Admit this, seek council, turn to God and anticipate with expectant faith an answer to your efforts to better serve him as mother as wife.
Family Spiritual:
With the other areas on life in order it’s much easier to discern what our priorities should be for our family.
Be a calm and dedicated example open to change in your family routine to make sure what you do emulates the virtue you wish to instill. One decade prayed with the ability to guide the toddler and maintain order is better than an entire rosary with tension and chaos. Keep in mind, the chaos may be perpetuated by mom! We invite the children to come be part of our prayer time, and we also excuse them to pray in their rooms until they can come and be reverent.
Take the time at your weekly and monthly prayer time to evaluate who to set your family up for success and to be consistently fed spiritually as a family. Be realistic so you are able to follow through. As I see it, dinner is time for mom to provide for her husband a pleasant experience and her children the opportunity to learn manners and dinner table conversation, similarly, family prayer time and Sunday mass is not necessarily time for mom to be fed in the same way as her own contemplative time. Make your personal prayer time a priority and then feed your children the gift of prayer during the day.
Keeping family prayer time a priority yet accepting where we are at, many years we have opted to pray Holy minutes at the top of each hour from 9-3pm, ending with the Divine Mercy and then we only pray one decade of the rosary at night. The demands of the school day and the rigor of chores and outside activities, nursing baby, chasing toddler, listening to teens, all important needs to be met, can diminish the opportunity for family prayer to almost nothing if we let it.
Choosing a child to set a timer and walk through the house announcing ‘holy minute’, everyone stopping to pray, can be a far more fruitful prayer time than making sure we all gather for family rosary. We’ll usually close our day then with one decade and private prayers while tucking in. In the summer, on the other hand, the days are longer, we stay up later, and stopping at the top of the hour is not practical!
The point is, we make it a priority; we set realistic goals and persevere to see them come into fruition, all the while, seeking objective council to determine if we need to make adjustments.
Included in my notes are examples of others ideas that have worked for us.
Foster the Faith in your Children:
Here is answer the questions posed to me about fostering the faith in my children. A strong faith life for my children is going to first come from a mother who emulates virtue. Attitude is everything. One’s frame of mind is everything. I can become overwhelmed by all the many devotions and liturgical celebrations I’m neglecting, or, recognize that if I can just manage the mundane tasks of this stage of my vocation right now, I’m way on my way to sanctity. Moreover, if I’m in the right frame of mind my responses to the needs of my family will ‘is this all He’s asking of me? Or, if I’m lacking strength, it’s ‘woe is me, why is he asking so much of me?”
One of the greatest piece of advice from a wise friend was this ‘pray for them one toilet paper roll at a time!” Her pet peeve was rolling and rerolling the toilet paper roll! This comment made a deep impression on me; whether it be picking up the toilet paper roll again, changing the diaper AGAIN, rotating the laundry AGAIN, picking up my husband’s clothes that lay on the floor NEXT to the dirty laundry hamper AGAIN, finding my chocolate nibbled on AGAIN, my latte cold AGAIN, the seemingly simple every day things that IF we are spiritually sound with our priorities in order, we can almost chuckle while counting our blessings as we move through and beyond that task yet AGAIN. But, if we are out of balance I can react as if I’m a victim, put upon living a life of drudgery, monotony, imprisonment. I admit I’ve felt this way!
These daily hassles are our opportunity to sacrifice, our road to sanctity, our cross to carry with Christ, NOT to become burdensome. I must pick up the cross God gave to me especially, He has promised to pave the way and give me the grace to carry a cross as He did. Or, I can fall into near despair and see these opportunities as burden if I don’t keep my priorities in order.
I’ve learned to pray out loud ‘Lord, thank you’ ‘Lord help me”! “Mary help me be like you!”’ ST Anthony, please help me find this thing, I want to bring God glory!” I pray this way for myself; to better remember and be influenced but also as an example to my children so they know prayer is what the core of my day is. They do not see me go to daily mass anymore, or even get to the chapel for a holy hour so I go out of my way to show them creative ways to still make God the center of my life; the core of my being, the foundation of my thinking and actions.
I still fall, I still am led into temptation to carry a bad attitude, but, I try to emulate with each sacrifice if this is how God wants for me to be refined; bring it on!
I was asked; how do you nurture prayer as a sacred and special time with your family?
My view is this: during family prayer time, as with meals, my job is not to be fed but to guide and set an example. This is why I carve out other time of the day to pray and to be contemplative. My older children learn to lead and focus while I get up, discipline, gently guiding, holding the child with an encouraging whisper, ‘look, see how Johnny is praying so reverently, I know you can do this too!”
Having regular battles in trying to get to daily mass for instance means one of two things, either you are not organizing well enough to get there, or, you are not called to go. If evening rosary is a battle zone; change the time of day. If I know my patience is low, we do what we call the ‘tunnel rosary’ upstairs. The girls and the boys rooms are separated by a hall way; the needs are in the ‘tunnel’ in between praying so both rooms can hear and I walk from room to room praying and rubbing backs; we’re set up for success.
If the dynamics of a large family with a lot of little ones overwhelm you, examine your attitude, this is the perfect opportunity for your older children to learn reverence and perseverance in prayer and in avoiding distraction. If your kids are exposed to a prayerful setting, in time, they’ll want to be like the others, to be part of the team. Reward the good, ignore the bad, and discipline the unspeakable!
15. Book cases:
A mom wanted some practical advice on books shelves; you know the routine reply ‘a homeschooler can never have enough book shelves!”. Well, taken with a grain of salt, that is SO true. But, lately, I’ve encountered some mom’s who have been blessed with an abundance of books, or ‘bookaholics’ perhaps! You know, looking at the book with through the eyes of ‘oh, this is a great book, its free, or its inexpensive, I’ll take it!” vs. ‘do I need this book any time in the near future? Do I already have 1-2 books on this subject?” In my opinion, less is better and orderliness with our school things is essential to a smooth running operation!
I change things up and around every so often when I need to but for the most part I have all of the essential school books for my children in one room; a library. I have other picture books in all the areas that will entice the children to pick them up and to read them or where they have their quiet time i.e.: a stack in the living room and a stack in each bedroom. I keep board books handy for the 6mo. – 2 year old until they are trained to respect the books. Having too many books is like having too many clothes for ones husband or boys; they wear whats on top each day anyhow so unless you rotate them you might as well just have TWO! J
As for the ‘series books’ those are ones that I will move to the room that is age appropriate i.e.: I want my 8 year old to eat up the hardy boys so I place them in his room. I want my daughter to ‘eat up’ the American girl’s books so I place them nicely near her bed. Atop this invitation both from me and visually, the books look nice and signify the character of my child at that time; I like that.
I have liturgical books in whatever area that I will be ‘hanging with my kids’ i.e.: right now they are upstairs in the girls room cuz our routine right now is for me to pray the final rosary prayers and to read to all of the kids from the rocking chair. But, after baby is born, I might move them downstairs near the couch where I will probably read to them after breakfast while I nurse the baby. One of my favorite things is to read and to learn about the liturgical year with my kids; something I put off for too long to get housework and ‘real’ school out of the way; a big mistake on my part!
As for our school books and library of literature; I have boxed up or tucked away yet labeled well the curriculum we are NOT using for the coming year. I do NOT keep very much that I do not KNOW for certain that we are not going to use. It feels better to me that someone else is using it and that I have that extra space. Cramming and piling books, like anything else, will encourage ‘cramming’ and piling to a greater degree and will NOT encourage the child to put the book back where it belongs.
We label each book with a sticker that includes the person who is using this year and the grade they are in. the front sticker will read, “Susie , 9th, 2009/10”. On the back of the book I have a sticker that does NOT change from year to year i.e.:
Lincoln A photo biography
Civil War
5th grade history
Week 27
“Us history and geography for 9th grade
Weeks 17-22
This label includes the title of the book, the time period it is used for, and the grades I will be using it for.
So, someone asks me if they can borrow a book, instead of having to look up my ‘plan’ I can look on the back of the book and let them know yes, or no. If I find the book lying around I know where it goes and who to charge for leaving it out. …you can see the benefit of setting this up this way. I aim to put these labels on each time I make an order and the books arrive. The success of this plan has inspired me to keep up on this.
Please keep in mind I am typing these as if I’d be speaking to you, short, brief, slang, to the point, no messin’ around…I’m tired, short of time but I do want to share what I have learned that might be of support to you.
Pray for me as I do for you, robin
11. Boys, boy’s boys: what do you do with your boys and how come very few families home school their older boys!
Robin Reply:
(I JUST sent mine into the mountains and told my husband to put them each atop a DIFFERENT hill and tell them, ‘good luck boys, come back men!!”)
Ok, I hear ya sister! There is nothing like boys; their kiss on the cheek, their bringing mom a flower at age 2, 12, or 22 is unforgettable, their smile, and now, as I have older ones, their ability to care for me and their sisters, the pride they exude when brining the fire wood and setting the fire, fixing the broken bike or lifting a heavy box for me; best yet, how my oldest son awaits in the car for me after the gym cuz mom is chatting; he leans over to open the door for me as a sign of his honor.
Ahhh, boys, I do treasure then and thank God for them as hard as it is cuz as much joy and passion as they stir in me that is good and noble, I often question if the irritation and frustration and SMELL far outweighs the joy that I may be showing! J
Boys are challenging and different and we, as woman, don’t have a natural sense to give them what they need; we need to work at it. It is our responsibility to work at it and it’s well worth our effort to work at it. I’m not saying to replace the father or male figure, but, just as we need to recognize we once were premenstrual therefore we need to forgive the hormone highs and lows of our daughters and NOT get caught in a cat fight for we are the ones who will look like a fool (what they are doing is NORAML, what we are doing is childish and dysfunction – I’ve been there), we also need to be able to step back and accept our boys for where they are at, in fact, to thank God they are moving through the prepubescent boyhood into man hood; allow it, praise it, honor it and often send ‘it’ far into the woods! J
I also believe not all boys are the same of course and I also find that boys, coming consecutively, vs. a girl thrown in there to balance out the hormone/testosterone influx, also makes for a very different dynamic. (i.e.: I have mostly boy, girl, boy girls, but the one time I had two boys in a row...WOW…VERY different dynamic! ) Then, depending on mom’s temperament, the size of the house and the makeup of the dad; all varying possibilities to the depth of dirt, intensity of the smell and regularity of the surprises a mom is going to find herself asked to endure! J
Two books I highly recommend are: A Parent’s Guide to preventing Homosexuality and Wild at Heart. They go hand in hand; the short message is, boys/men are different and woman/wives/mothers need to recognize this and honor this. we also need to provide the environment for them for their ability to live out /carry out what they need to become strong noble men; we need to inspire them and support them which means, as always, picking our battles. IT means making sure they have a good strong father figure and male figures to ‘hang with’ and to emulate. It means sacrificing to make sure they have their ‘time in the woods’, even if this time means taking over part of the house to play games, have a pizza party and learn to play poker and eat only chips and root beer – possible also ‘hot tamales’. IT also means when Dad decides to keep them out later or rough house with them past their bed time; relax mom, walk away, let them have their way and trust this is bonding that will encourage strength, courage, nobility and manhood. This is not to say a mother/wife cannot and should not discuss her preference and encourage sound decision by her husband other male figures, I’m just saying, if you read these two books, your attitude will change from one of irritation and resentment towards one’s husband for taking care of his masculine needs and for nurturing your son, to an attitude of gratitude for the support you are given for YOU can never replaces this male figure you can only do your best to understand it, support it and to invite noble male models into the lives of your sons.
I just counseled a mother of four boys; on her list of ‘irritations’ was how they take 3-5 pumps of soap and stay in the bathroom ‘trashing’ it for so long and peeing around the toilet. My example included; encourage the soap and the bubbles and the creative things they can do with those but for the sake of raising noble men to be loved by their wives or welcomed into a monetary; demand good toilet manners!!! Seat wiped, lid down and floor mopped up but have a 'hay day' with those bubbles and use all the soap you want; just leave the bathroom cleaner than you found it. What mom does not know won’t hurt; usually.
Aside: for all obviously reasons, (if they are not obvious, reply to me privately) we have an open door policy, room a few boys together at least at once and we keep the boys downstairs for schooling. Schooling takes most of the day hence, by the time schooling responsibilities are cared for there is little to no more time to be ‘alone’ in the room; some privacy is necessary but TOO much idle time and guaranteed privacy is leading growing boys into temptations; girls do not have this same risk.
To reply to the question of home school homes cool boys; NOW I GET IT! I see why so few actually home school their boys through high school! Those boys are becoming young men and it makes sense that a MAN is their mentor more often than a woman; I’d think this to be normal and healthy. So, yes, I have home school one son through high school and another son is graduating this spring (presumably...its only the start of the school year nowJ) But we live in a very inconvenient place to send them to running start or coops, or, I KNOW I would do it more or at least consider it son by son whereas I might not feel as much the need to make these sacrifices for the girls. Of course, any time we ‘set them free’ there are risks but in my opinion, if you focus on a strong foundation, and if setting them up with some outside support in the high school years is doable then this will allow them to utilize the tools you have provided. If, on the other hand, you are not able to provide that schooling support outside of the home, I recommend investing in sports, scouts, or other opportunities that your boys are able to bond with growing young men and to have other male mentors and above all encourage, inspire and support your husband’s time away from home with the boys!
12. Husband traveling waah, ‘woe is me’.
Again, I hear ya sista….but now I’m feeling very different that you probably are right now. Why? Well, long ago I realized that in my little family my husband’s main role is to provide the cash and to play with my kids, then as the boys get older to really invest time with them, to ‘date’ my girls and to fix an occasional leaky toilet, fell a tree or clean the gutters and in that order. Now, the later ‘house work’ part, because he bonded with the boys by teaching them how to do it, is mostly done by my boys. My husband travels to Europe when he does travel so at times he is gone 2-3 weeks sometimes doing this 4-5 times a year. Do to economic times this is slowing down but my point is, I’ve had some experience here. The main message I am sending is this, IF your husband’s job is calling him away, and you two feel this job is where God is calling him then it is imperative that you, or you support him and figure out what God is asking of you i.e.; get over it J, lessen expectations, hire help, simplify. We want to see the expectations of Dad diminished to just ‘being’ wit the family to relives the load from him. God will provide and we as moms/wives need to accept that IF God is asking our husbands to be gone that much then there must be other ways of doing things that we once thought was the ‘right’ way for we are blessed to home school, we are blessed to have support husbands and there are many creative ways to accomplish one’s responsibilities as mother, teacher and wife….having a pity party or resenting our husbands is NOT one of them. The time away for my husband can end up being a time that my kids actually speak to him one on one more than when he is home. We make sure we have set times to talk, he makes sure to speak to each one before bed, we all write to him via email and we await his arrival….all good things. Moreover, I do my very best (often not reaching my goals as completely as I wish but I do try) to welcome him home with joy and thanksgiving for his efforts – vs. my earlier years, a ‘woe is me’ type ‘you left me’ attitude. Traveling is NOT easy, it is tiring and they always pay for it before they leave and when they come home at the office; they don’t need us whining and complaining atop the other stress; as I have OFTEN done! Shame on me.
All that being said, consult other friends who have husband who travel; have a short pity party/ share your struggle and invite their words of support, ask your friends to inspire you, open your mind to ways to get support, ask for help, consider what help you need and, of course, if you try everything and your school, home and marriage are suffering, it is only right to take this challenge to Adoration, to spiritual direction together and to consider alternative jobs for him.
33. As I'm getting organized for school to begin, I'm trying to figure out what to do with all of last year’s school stuff. What of your children's work do you keep each year? I don't want to be a pack-rat, but I also don't want to throw something away and regret it later. Are there things your children enjoy looking back on or that you like to reference? Do you need to keep any work for "record keeping" purposes? Thank you!
Short reply by Robin Betz
Are you enrolled in MODG; if yes, then I’d recommend keeping very little. If NO< then, hmmmm, maybe we should solicit someone else but my instinct is still to keep very little!:) picture your children and your children’s children browsing through these ‘keep sakes’…..biology results, NOT, self made bible with illustrations YES! J
I keep all of their ‘stuff’ that seems really ‘dear’ and also that will keep easily i.e.: their blank books that they have illustrated their poetry, their science journals, their creative writing; you get the picture. But, boring math, NO WAY!
NEXT EMAIL:
13. Some kids in home schooling, some at conventional schooling:
I can’t say how much I empathize with those who have kids in both homeschooling and public or private schooling, at the same time; I understand the need to do this at times. We, too, did this for 2 years and it was a tremendous burden, but one that we felt God was calling us to turn into His cross and buckle down and do so heroically until other plans could be made. I did a wretched job of it; homeschooling was the last thing I did, homeschooling was so burdensome and my child who was homeschooling felt it. My lack of confidence and strength is doing less for the school and more for my school kids in order to bring the appropriate balance was great; I did my home school child a great disservice.
Diving ones’ energy between home and school is a great task. As you know, having kids in school means not only that ‘routine’ but all the many relationships and extra commitments and temptations. So, it is often necessary but it’s important to prepare in all ways for this and allow it to enhance your life, seeing it as the blessing that it is, allow it to strengthen your marriage and family, or, admit this is NOT where you are called. Learn from my mistakes! J
14. Prayer time in home:
You as a family may find prayers traditions that are workable and easy to obtain and these traditions may stay in place for…ever. Or, you may find that these commitments are just not doable any longer; accept this, alter this, seek councel and make a new plan that you see (and your spiritual directors sees) is set up for success.
Mom’s prayer life, apart from the family’s spiritual commitment should include:
- seeking objective direction and setting goals for the season from Spiritual Director and other wise mom’s
-Simple doable commitments – too big, you’re set up for failure
-. I aim for my daily prayer time to reach, one hour a day (including family rote prayers), one hour a week, one hour a month in Adoration and one day a year in retreat.
When there are signs that something is lacking, my defects are outpouring. With humility I pray now that God make clear to me early on when I am slipping. I must take the time to examine my spiritual life. At one point that I was struggling and I was clearly in need of spiritual strength, I took the time to examine my life; I realized I did not have an intimate relationship with Christ or with Mary. I wanted one. I needed one, so I sought one with expectant faith. I was doing a lot for God (or was I) but I was not close to him, I was not sure I was really doing what He wanted. I committed to building intimacy with Christ and with Mary in some way. In time I was rewarded. I knew I needed to be able to seek Christ during the day, pour my heart out to Mary AT the time of need not just at the start and close of the day and during ‘rote’ prayers with my family.
I needed to learn to rely on my spiritual strength when I needed it most; all day long and often during the night! This took my humility to admit my weakness, my effort to seek council and direction and the hope and faith that if I persevered I would be rewarded. In time, during my prayer time, I started to see Mary, in the Pieta. I saw her with her son atop her in her arms. I went to her, laying my woes in her lap. Someone later told me that Mary is depicted in the Pieta exponentially larger than Jesus, to show her ability to take on the weight of the world. Next came a scene of Mary and Joseph in their humble abode; I was sitting with them. I was able to just listen, to chat; the perfect scenario for conversation – me with coffee in hand and Mary with herbal tea! I was indeed given the opportunity for a close and intimate relationship with our Lady and with Jesus; the sweetest rewards
I still fall and lose sight of a rich prayer time, but, because I once had a fruitful prayer time, I can quickly resume this relationship with little effort. It simply takes me admitting I’m falling and choosing to make my prayer time a priority.
Lastly, I connect often with the vision of Divine Mercy and Mary; in both cases, their arms out stretched, their love and mercy outpouring. I am inspired to show this love and mercy to my husband, my children, extended family, to strangers and each person I am in contact with. If my personal prayer life is suffering, I must be very careful not to get distracted by outside opportunities. I must prioritize and choose to take the time to be with God and with Mary, I envision Jesus in the Divine Mercy, Our Lady in the Pieta, all reaching out to help and to guide me.
If ALL I do is pray and connect with God and Mary in the ways I explained, this is what I believe will be the best way for me to carry out Gods will for my family for my specific calling. In doing so, I feel a great spiritual presence and peace. I’m able to pray in a moment’s notice, at time of frustration and joy. I am now able to feel peace and joy amidst chaos! I’ve listed in my notes some examples of what is currently working for me. Find what works for you, stick with it until you, through self examination, or perhaps a good friends or husband’s honesty, points it out to you that the defects of an ineffective prayer life are coming across to those you love. Admit this, seek council, turn to God and anticipate with expectant faith an answer to your efforts to better serve him as mother as wife.
Family Spiritual:
With the other areas on life in order it’s much easier to discern what our priorities should be for our family.
Be a calm and dedicated example open to change in your family routine to make sure what you do emulates the virtue you wish to instill. One decade prayed with the ability to guide the toddler and maintain order is better than an entire rosary with tension and chaos. Keep in mind, the chaos may be perpetuated by mom! We invite the children to come be part of our prayer time, and we also excuse them to pray in their rooms until they can come and be reverent.
Take the time at your weekly and monthly prayer time to evaluate who to set your family up for success and to be consistently fed spiritually as a family. Be realistic so you are able to follow through. As I see it, dinner is time for mom to provide for her husband a pleasant experience and her children the opportunity to learn manners and dinner table conversation, similarly, family prayer time and Sunday mass is not necessarily time for mom to be fed in the same way as her own contemplative time. Make your personal prayer time a priority and then feed your children the gift of prayer during the day.
Keeping family prayer time a priority yet accepting where we are at, many years we have opted to pray Holy minutes at the top of each hour from 9-3pm, ending with the Divine Mercy and then we only pray one decade of the rosary at night. The demands of the school day and the rigor of chores and outside activities, nursing baby, chasing toddler, listening to teens, all important needs to be met, can diminish the opportunity for family prayer to almost nothing if we let it.
Choosing a child to set a timer and walk through the house announcing ‘holy minute’, everyone stopping to pray, can be a far more fruitful prayer time than making sure we all gather for family rosary. We’ll usually close our day then with one decade and private prayers while tucking in. In the summer, on the other hand, the days are longer, we stay up later, and stopping at the top of the hour is not practical!
The point is, we make it a priority; we set realistic goals and persevere to see them come into fruition, all the while, seeking objective council to determine if we need to make adjustments.
Included in my notes are examples of others ideas that have worked for us.
Foster the Faith in your Children:
Here is answer the questions posed to me about fostering the faith in my children. A strong faith life for my children is going to first come from a mother who emulates virtue. Attitude is everything. One’s frame of mind is everything. I can become overwhelmed by all the many devotions and liturgical celebrations I’m neglecting, or, recognize that if I can just manage the mundane tasks of this stage of my vocation right now, I’m way on my way to sanctity. Moreover, if I’m in the right frame of mind my responses to the needs of my family will ‘is this all He’s asking of me? Or, if I’m lacking strength, it’s ‘woe is me, why is he asking so much of me?”
One of the greatest piece of advice from a wise friend was this ‘pray for them one toilet paper roll at a time!” Her pet peeve was rolling and rerolling the toilet paper roll! This comment made a deep impression on me; whether it be picking up the toilet paper roll again, changing the diaper AGAIN, rotating the laundry AGAIN, picking up my husband’s clothes that lay on the floor NEXT to the dirty laundry hamper AGAIN, finding my chocolate nibbled on AGAIN, my latte cold AGAIN, the seemingly simple every day things that IF we are spiritually sound with our priorities in order, we can almost chuckle while counting our blessings as we move through and beyond that task yet AGAIN. But, if we are out of balance I can react as if I’m a victim, put upon living a life of drudgery, monotony, imprisonment. I admit I’ve felt this way!
These daily hassles are our opportunity to sacrifice, our road to sanctity, our cross to carry with Christ, NOT to become burdensome. I must pick up the cross God gave to me especially, He has promised to pave the way and give me the grace to carry a cross as He did. Or, I can fall into near despair and see these opportunities as burden if I don’t keep my priorities in order.
I’ve learned to pray out loud ‘Lord, thank you’ ‘Lord help me”! “Mary help me be like you!”’ ST Anthony, please help me find this thing, I want to bring God glory!” I pray this way for myself; to better remember and be influenced but also as an example to my children so they know prayer is what the core of my day is. They do not see me go to daily mass anymore, or even get to the chapel for a holy hour so I go out of my way to show them creative ways to still make God the center of my life; the core of my being, the foundation of my thinking and actions.
I still fall, I still am led into temptation to carry a bad attitude, but, I try to emulate with each sacrifice if this is how God wants for me to be refined; bring it on!
I was asked; how do you nurture prayer as a sacred and special time with your family?
My view is this: during family prayer time, as with meals, my job is not to be fed but to guide and set an example. This is why I carve out other time of the day to pray and to be contemplative. My older children learn to lead and focus while I get up, discipline, gently guiding, holding the child with an encouraging whisper, ‘look, see how Johnny is praying so reverently, I know you can do this too!”
Having regular battles in trying to get to daily mass for instance means one of two things, either you are not organizing well enough to get there, or, you are not called to go. If evening rosary is a battle zone; change the time of day. If I know my patience is low, we do what we call the ‘tunnel rosary’ upstairs. The girls and the boys rooms are separated by a hall way; the needs are in the ‘tunnel’ in between praying so both rooms can hear and I walk from room to room praying and rubbing backs; we’re set up for success.
If the dynamics of a large family with a lot of little ones overwhelm you, examine your attitude, this is the perfect opportunity for your older children to learn reverence and perseverance in prayer and in avoiding distraction. If your kids are exposed to a prayerful setting, in time, they’ll want to be like the others, to be part of the team. Reward the good, ignore the bad, and discipline the unspeakable!
15. Book cases:
A mom wanted some practical advice on books shelves; you know the routine reply ‘a homeschooler can never have enough book shelves!”. Well, taken with a grain of salt, that is SO true. But, lately, I’ve encountered some mom’s who have been blessed with an abundance of books, or ‘bookaholics’ perhaps! You know, looking at the book with through the eyes of ‘oh, this is a great book, its free, or its inexpensive, I’ll take it!” vs. ‘do I need this book any time in the near future? Do I already have 1-2 books on this subject?” In my opinion, less is better and orderliness with our school things is essential to a smooth running operation!
I change things up and around every so often when I need to but for the most part I have all of the essential school books for my children in one room; a library. I have other picture books in all the areas that will entice the children to pick them up and to read them or where they have their quiet time i.e.: a stack in the living room and a stack in each bedroom. I keep board books handy for the 6mo. – 2 year old until they are trained to respect the books. Having too many books is like having too many clothes for ones husband or boys; they wear whats on top each day anyhow so unless you rotate them you might as well just have TWO! J
As for the ‘series books’ those are ones that I will move to the room that is age appropriate i.e.: I want my 8 year old to eat up the hardy boys so I place them in his room. I want my daughter to ‘eat up’ the American girl’s books so I place them nicely near her bed. Atop this invitation both from me and visually, the books look nice and signify the character of my child at that time; I like that.
I have liturgical books in whatever area that I will be ‘hanging with my kids’ i.e.: right now they are upstairs in the girls room cuz our routine right now is for me to pray the final rosary prayers and to read to all of the kids from the rocking chair. But, after baby is born, I might move them downstairs near the couch where I will probably read to them after breakfast while I nurse the baby. One of my favorite things is to read and to learn about the liturgical year with my kids; something I put off for too long to get housework and ‘real’ school out of the way; a big mistake on my part!
As for our school books and library of literature; I have boxed up or tucked away yet labeled well the curriculum we are NOT using for the coming year. I do NOT keep very much that I do not KNOW for certain that we are not going to use. It feels better to me that someone else is using it and that I have that extra space. Cramming and piling books, like anything else, will encourage ‘cramming’ and piling to a greater degree and will NOT encourage the child to put the book back where it belongs.
We label each book with a sticker that includes the person who is using this year and the grade they are in. the front sticker will read, “Susie , 9th, 2009/10”. On the back of the book I have a sticker that does NOT change from year to year i.e.:
Lincoln A photo biography
Civil War
5th grade history
Week 27
“Us history and geography for 9th grade
Weeks 17-22
This label includes the title of the book, the time period it is used for, and the grades I will be using it for.
So, someone asks me if they can borrow a book, instead of having to look up my ‘plan’ I can look on the back of the book and let them know yes, or no. If I find the book lying around I know where it goes and who to charge for leaving it out. …you can see the benefit of setting this up this way. I aim to put these labels on each time I make an order and the books arrive. The success of this plan has inspired me to keep up on this.
Homeschooling, ready or not...
Hello!
Today is a Monday. In two days, we will try two days of homeschooling. I'd start tomorrow, but there's a fair to be had. I do it Friday, but there are grandparents to visit. Today is my husband's weekend, so we'll avoid weekends anyway, and I plan to use a basic four day week with a couple of subjects on the fifth. In fact, a very cool person I know thought we could do science together this year, and then another cool person apparently has a whole box of experiment supplies, and then there's this fourth person who loves doing science with kids even if hers aren't very old. So it looks like Wed mornings will work for that, and that means that we will spend that day as our "fifth day" so we can do science and not mess everything else up. Gabe, doing fifth grade this year, will have to read history and do math and practice piano that day as well.
I'm very excited about this year, but also wondering if I'm crazy. I will try homeschooling a fifth grader, a first grader, and a kindergartner. I am supplementing with Mr. 1st grader so much, the syllabus doesn't matter much. Here are the programs we're going to use to supplement with him:
Sing, Spell, Read, Write (1998 ed.)
and:
Math U See Alpha level
The science we're using is this: Apologia Science
It is part of a series, and pretty in depth. It is also creationist, which is very interesting for me to tackle. I'm really on the fence on that particular argument, and it's worth a post of its own. Really. But suffice it to say, it appears easier to supplement creationism than to teach Darwinism and keep saying "but it's not completely proven" all the time. Like I said, it's worth at least one post of it's own. But if you want to start on it yourself, this is the book I'm reading right now:
The Politically Incorrect Guide To Science
Have a great year, homeschooler or not!
Today is a Monday. In two days, we will try two days of homeschooling. I'd start tomorrow, but there's a fair to be had. I do it Friday, but there are grandparents to visit. Today is my husband's weekend, so we'll avoid weekends anyway, and I plan to use a basic four day week with a couple of subjects on the fifth. In fact, a very cool person I know thought we could do science together this year, and then another cool person apparently has a whole box of experiment supplies, and then there's this fourth person who loves doing science with kids even if hers aren't very old. So it looks like Wed mornings will work for that, and that means that we will spend that day as our "fifth day" so we can do science and not mess everything else up. Gabe, doing fifth grade this year, will have to read history and do math and practice piano that day as well.
I'm very excited about this year, but also wondering if I'm crazy. I will try homeschooling a fifth grader, a first grader, and a kindergartner. I am supplementing with Mr. 1st grader so much, the syllabus doesn't matter much. Here are the programs we're going to use to supplement with him:
Sing, Spell, Read, Write (1998 ed.)
and:
Math U See Alpha level
The science we're using is this: Apologia Science
It is part of a series, and pretty in depth. It is also creationist, which is very interesting for me to tackle. I'm really on the fence on that particular argument, and it's worth a post of its own. Really. But suffice it to say, it appears easier to supplement creationism than to teach Darwinism and keep saying "but it's not completely proven" all the time. Like I said, it's worth at least one post of it's own. But if you want to start on it yourself, this is the book I'm reading right now:
The Politically Incorrect Guide To Science
Have a great year, homeschooler or not!
Friday, August 28, 2009
What to write at 5am
My dear daughter got up at 3:30 am to tell me how someone was killing her with tweezers. I think this may have something to do with having put a rivet up her nose recently, and having had to go to the ER to get it out after Mom and Dad tried with tweezers but were worried they were doing more harm than good. Turns out, if you push their little noses into piggy position, you can reach up there and the scrunching up keeps them from moving their nose while you work. Took all of 30 seconds for the doctor to get it. Sigh. So she had a nightmare, perhaps several, and then around 4:45 I thought I'd go downstairs and just say hi to my husband before he leaves for work around 5am, which I never do. I just stay in bed. But even a whole Rosary did not put me back to sleep this time. I'll just be glad I went to sleep around 9:30. That means I did get six hours of sleep, which is just on the border of ok. My husband says during naptime I must go to bed today. Hm.. that would be if anyone in this house is interested in napping instead of a singing and dancing routine up there this time. Maybe a long movie this afternoon is in order. Say, the Incredibles.
Yesterday, I did too much. But it was fun. I went blackberry picking on the bike trail near my house with two friends, immediately followed by our homeschooler beach day, the last one. Then two hours at home and out the door for soccer. Brandon was plumb tired by 9pm. I should back up and say he just spent the night this week with his big sister by birth, Nicole, whom he adores. He is almost 7, she is 14. She is doing fantastic. We try to get together, but it doesn't happen as much as we'd like, her being a very busy teen with working parents, and us, well, not. But they had a great, great time, and he was sure tired. And I'm happy to report he actually did want to come home. I was kind of wondering if he'd pull his usual "I want to live with someone else", but somehow this time I think he was happy to see his bed. Maybe he knows where he belongs. I also found out, upon going to dinner, that his sister does not have as many birth family pics as we do. I find this out five years later? Well. I do believe I have a fair amount of scanning and prints to order before we see them at Brandon's birthday in a couple of weeks. She was glad to hear I even have a picture of her at birth, and how that ended up in Brandon's baby book, I have no idea. I'm glad it was mentioned!
So, planning. I need to make lists. Lots of lists. I think I will start with the one I hoped my husband would make, but he did the dishes instead, and who's going to complain about that? I need to make a list of what we expect to pay for that is outside the budget until the end of the year. This Dave Ramsey stuff really makes you want to think ahead. Shockingly adult of me, I know!
September (jeesh, coming right up)
Go to local fair
trip to Astoria for three days -- mostly gas
Brandon's birthday -- presents, cake, maybe a family outing
date nights if we go out
Buy chains for both cars, just in case
October
Go to see parents and also my friend and her maybe fiance. Must see boy. Very important.
Three birthdays in one week -- mine, Grace's and my father in law's
Halloween
snacks for soccer
buy popcorn off our own scouts (seems to happen every year)
(Put MODG check in savings, or use for Christmas? Hmmm....)
November
End of soccer parties and coach gifts
Thanksgiving
Baby (but no medical bills we know of, hooray!)
December
Christmas!
Yesterday, I did too much. But it was fun. I went blackberry picking on the bike trail near my house with two friends, immediately followed by our homeschooler beach day, the last one. Then two hours at home and out the door for soccer. Brandon was plumb tired by 9pm. I should back up and say he just spent the night this week with his big sister by birth, Nicole, whom he adores. He is almost 7, she is 14. She is doing fantastic. We try to get together, but it doesn't happen as much as we'd like, her being a very busy teen with working parents, and us, well, not. But they had a great, great time, and he was sure tired. And I'm happy to report he actually did want to come home. I was kind of wondering if he'd pull his usual "I want to live with someone else", but somehow this time I think he was happy to see his bed. Maybe he knows where he belongs. I also found out, upon going to dinner, that his sister does not have as many birth family pics as we do. I find this out five years later? Well. I do believe I have a fair amount of scanning and prints to order before we see them at Brandon's birthday in a couple of weeks. She was glad to hear I even have a picture of her at birth, and how that ended up in Brandon's baby book, I have no idea. I'm glad it was mentioned!
So, planning. I need to make lists. Lots of lists. I think I will start with the one I hoped my husband would make, but he did the dishes instead, and who's going to complain about that? I need to make a list of what we expect to pay for that is outside the budget until the end of the year. This Dave Ramsey stuff really makes you want to think ahead. Shockingly adult of me, I know!
September (jeesh, coming right up)
Go to local fair
trip to Astoria for three days -- mostly gas
Brandon's birthday -- presents, cake, maybe a family outing
date nights if we go out
Buy chains for both cars, just in case
October
Go to see parents and also my friend and her maybe fiance. Must see boy. Very important.
Three birthdays in one week -- mine, Grace's and my father in law's
Halloween
snacks for soccer
buy popcorn off our own scouts (seems to happen every year)
(Put MODG check in savings, or use for Christmas? Hmmm....)
November
End of soccer parties and coach gifts
Thanksgiving
Baby (but no medical bills we know of, hooray!)
December
Christmas!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Two posts in honor of the beginning of the homeschooling year
Both of these came from my homeschooling yahoo group for the greater area in which I live. The second one has some real gems in it. Feel free to pass it along! And have a wonderful schooling year no matter which kind of schooling you choose!
This was too funny (and too true!) to pass up.
Here is a letter by Teresa Dear, a homeschool mom of four. Yes she is being humorous and reminding all of us in this newsletter as to why homeschooling is just sooooo important. I thought you guys would get a kick out of it,especially the title. The article is titled "12 Reasons to just ditch homeschooling altogether."
Homeschool-Articles .com
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Top 12 Reasons to Just Ditch Homeschooling Altogether
Submitted: August 14, 2009 | Author: Teresa Dear | Posted in: Homeschooling: Doing It Well
There are some good reasons to quit homeschooling your children, but most of them break down to one common denominator: to live a life free of responsibility for the quality of your child's education, and to not have to answer to others for the schooling he received. Here are 12 reasons to just ditch homeschooling altogether and send them off each day to be educated elsewhere:
1.) You can blame your child's behavior and bad habits on his peers: they're not his siblings.
2.) You can blame his teacher when your child is "behind:" you're not the teacher.
3.) You would not have to grade papers or keep track of important educational documents or create a transcript.
4.) You would suddenly find yourself having more in common with the people you meet.
5.) You would be relieved of the responsibility to choose the best curriculum for your child.
6.) You could focus on your own personal hobbies or begin to work outside the home.
7.) You would substantially increase the likelihood of having a clean home if no one was in it all day.
8.) You could just complain about your child's environment, teacher, peers, and curriculum instead of being personally responsible for changing or repairing it.
9.) Your public school tax dollars would finally be at work for your family.
10.) You could stop having to justify or prove that your educational choices could be at least as productive as the public alternative.
11.) You could read books that don't use the word "education," "Charlotte Mason," "Trivium," or "self-discipline" in them.
12.) You never again have to answer the question "What about socialization?
AND ALSO:
10 Burnout Busters
>Marybeth Whalen
>The Old Schoolhouse
>
>Let thine eyes look right on, and let thine eyelids look straight before thee. Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established. Turn not to the right hand nor to the left: remove thy foot from evil. (Proverbs 4:25-27)
>
>Burnout.
>
>In my ten-plus years of experience, I think I have met only one homeschooler who claimed to never struggle with it. Whether burnout occurs as a result of financial stress, major life change, marital struggles, difficulties with a child, or just plain old exhaustion, most of us are bound to encounter burnout at some point in our homeschooling journey. The question isn,t whether we will face burnout, but rather what we can do about it when we do.
>
>Below are ten Burnout Busters I have found helpful to me at different points along my homeschooling journey:
>
>1. Don't subscribe to the dangerous grass is greener syndrome.
>
>If you have a friend whose kids are in school and you find yourself envying her freedom, read the verse I included at the beginning of this article. These are the times when we must keep our focus on God and on His calling on our lives, not looking to the right or the left. Instead of lamenting your lot in life, focus instead on the benefits of the life you have. Don't circle past the local public school and cast longing glances. Don't ask your kids what they would think about going to school. This is a slippery slope that leads to a declining attitude and much lost ground in the end. When this thought pattern invades your mind, this is the time to ramp up your prayer life and find another homeschool mom to encourage you,even if that is just a blogger who encourages you through her written words. I know I have several blogs I read to encourage me via the miracle of the Internet.
>
>2. Bookend each day with prayer.
>
>Greet the day with a Hello, Lord, what do you have for me and my children this day? Living a life that looks for God's activity and His answers leads to the life of abundance that Jesus spoke of in John 10:10. End the day with a time of praise for what He did in your lives, as well as asking for any needs that arose during the day.
>
>3. Each day after school is over, spend a few minutes assessing the day and planning for the next. This is a good time for reflection and preparation while the day is still fresh on your mind. What went wrong? What went right? What needs to be done differently? You can keep a journal and jot notes in it each day which books to look for at the library, craft ideas you want to try, and any moments you want to remember from your day.
>
>4. Open several Bibles around the house so that you can glean from the Word as you go about your day. Keep your mind fixed on Truth, so that lies have no place in your thought life. You can also write Scripture on index cards and post them around your home. (Don't forget about the kitchen, your bedroom, the bathroom, and the school area.) Write down any verses that ministered to you when you first began homeschooling.
>
>5. Work toward establishing order in your life.
>
>If you are struggling with disorganization and a messy house, that can add to the feeling of being overwhelmed. Consider purchasing a book on organization to help you if this is an area you struggle with. I love The Complete Guide to Getting and Staying Organized by homeschooling mom Karen Ehman. Take time off from schoolwork and designate a week (or two if necessary) to get your home in order. Involve your kids; this is all-important life skill training!
>
>6. Create a rhythm to your day.
>
>I am not advocating a strict schedule unless you think that would work for you. For me, just a fluid rhythm to my day where both my children and I know what to expect is good. This includes time for meals, rest, and play, as well as school.
>
>7. Take a few minutes to plan your meals.
>
>This might sound silly, but it will go a long way toward helping you feel more on top of your day. There is something about already knowing what's for dinner that makes the day feel more do-able! I work on my meal plans on the weekend, posting my list on a write-on/wipe- off board on my refrigerator. I also do my shopping during the weekend so that all the ingredients I will need are in the house for the week. This is a big time saver during the week and is definitely worth the effort I put forth on the weekend when I don't have schooling responsibilities.
>
>8. Get outside. Go for a walk. Go to a park. Look for bugs and rocks and leaves. If you want to make it educational, then use a guide to identify what you find and let your kids take turns sketching these things or just take a photo and keep an inexpensive photo album of your findings. Getting outside and appreciating God's vast creation never fails to give me a fresh perspective and a renewed energy level. If nothing else, just carry a blanket out to your backyard and do schoolwork outside, or read aloud on the deck, patio, or in the hammock!
>
>9. Take time to be alone. It's okay to need, as one friend put it, just a few hours where nobody calls me Mama! from time to time. I like to have a nice leisurely lunch all by myself with just a good book for company. Or join other homeschooling moms at my church group's moms night out. Or venture to a bookstore with my planning notebook for some time to plan and read and pray over what we are doing for school.
>
>10. Don't forget to laugh! Don't be so teacher-oriented that you forget that you are first and foremost a mom. Enjoy your kids. Laugh when they say funny things. Make jokes and be silly. Appreciate the sheer joy that can be found just by looking into their eyes and hearing the sweet things they say. Recently I wrote across the top of my goals for this year: Be joyful! Motherhood is a gift, not a burden!Why is it that sometimes I forget that simple truth? He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the Lord. Psalm 113:9 My hope is that some of these ideas will infuse you with new life, new perspective, and new hope for your homeschool!
This was too funny (and too true!) to pass up.
Here is a letter by Teresa Dear, a homeschool mom of four. Yes she is being humorous and reminding all of us in this newsletter as to why homeschooling is just sooooo important. I thought you guys would get a kick out of it,especially the title. The article is titled "12 Reasons to just ditch homeschooling altogether."
Homeschool-Articles .com
Articles by Homeschoolers for Homeschoolers! HomeAuthorsFor AuthorsFor PublishersContactPr ivacy Policy
Top 12 Reasons to Just Ditch Homeschooling Altogether
Submitted: August 14, 2009 | Author: Teresa Dear | Posted in: Homeschooling: Doing It Well
There are some good reasons to quit homeschooling your children, but most of them break down to one common denominator: to live a life free of responsibility for the quality of your child's education, and to not have to answer to others for the schooling he received. Here are 12 reasons to just ditch homeschooling altogether and send them off each day to be educated elsewhere:
1.) You can blame your child's behavior and bad habits on his peers: they're not his siblings.
2.) You can blame his teacher when your child is "behind:" you're not the teacher.
3.) You would not have to grade papers or keep track of important educational documents or create a transcript.
4.) You would suddenly find yourself having more in common with the people you meet.
5.) You would be relieved of the responsibility to choose the best curriculum for your child.
6.) You could focus on your own personal hobbies or begin to work outside the home.
7.) You would substantially increase the likelihood of having a clean home if no one was in it all day.
8.) You could just complain about your child's environment, teacher, peers, and curriculum instead of being personally responsible for changing or repairing it.
9.) Your public school tax dollars would finally be at work for your family.
10.) You could stop having to justify or prove that your educational choices could be at least as productive as the public alternative.
11.) You could read books that don't use the word "education," "Charlotte Mason," "Trivium," or "self-discipline" in them.
12.) You never again have to answer the question "What about socialization?
AND ALSO:
10 Burnout Busters
>Marybeth Whalen
>The Old Schoolhouse
>
>Let thine eyes look right on, and let thine eyelids look straight before thee. Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established. Turn not to the right hand nor to the left: remove thy foot from evil. (Proverbs 4:25-27)
>
>Burnout.
>
>In my ten-plus years of experience, I think I have met only one homeschooler who claimed to never struggle with it. Whether burnout occurs as a result of financial stress, major life change, marital struggles, difficulties with a child, or just plain old exhaustion, most of us are bound to encounter burnout at some point in our homeschooling journey. The question isn,t whether we will face burnout, but rather what we can do about it when we do.
>
>Below are ten Burnout Busters I have found helpful to me at different points along my homeschooling journey:
>
>1. Don't subscribe to the dangerous grass is greener syndrome.
>
>If you have a friend whose kids are in school and you find yourself envying her freedom, read the verse I included at the beginning of this article. These are the times when we must keep our focus on God and on His calling on our lives, not looking to the right or the left. Instead of lamenting your lot in life, focus instead on the benefits of the life you have. Don't circle past the local public school and cast longing glances. Don't ask your kids what they would think about going to school. This is a slippery slope that leads to a declining attitude and much lost ground in the end. When this thought pattern invades your mind, this is the time to ramp up your prayer life and find another homeschool mom to encourage you,even if that is just a blogger who encourages you through her written words. I know I have several blogs I read to encourage me via the miracle of the Internet.
>
>2. Bookend each day with prayer.
>
>Greet the day with a Hello, Lord, what do you have for me and my children this day? Living a life that looks for God's activity and His answers leads to the life of abundance that Jesus spoke of in John 10:10. End the day with a time of praise for what He did in your lives, as well as asking for any needs that arose during the day.
>
>3. Each day after school is over, spend a few minutes assessing the day and planning for the next. This is a good time for reflection and preparation while the day is still fresh on your mind. What went wrong? What went right? What needs to be done differently? You can keep a journal and jot notes in it each day which books to look for at the library, craft ideas you want to try, and any moments you want to remember from your day.
>
>4. Open several Bibles around the house so that you can glean from the Word as you go about your day. Keep your mind fixed on Truth, so that lies have no place in your thought life. You can also write Scripture on index cards and post them around your home. (Don't forget about the kitchen, your bedroom, the bathroom, and the school area.) Write down any verses that ministered to you when you first began homeschooling.
>
>5. Work toward establishing order in your life.
>
>If you are struggling with disorganization and a messy house, that can add to the feeling of being overwhelmed. Consider purchasing a book on organization to help you if this is an area you struggle with. I love The Complete Guide to Getting and Staying Organized by homeschooling mom Karen Ehman. Take time off from schoolwork and designate a week (or two if necessary) to get your home in order. Involve your kids; this is all-important life skill training!
>
>6. Create a rhythm to your day.
>
>I am not advocating a strict schedule unless you think that would work for you. For me, just a fluid rhythm to my day where both my children and I know what to expect is good. This includes time for meals, rest, and play, as well as school.
>
>7. Take a few minutes to plan your meals.
>
>This might sound silly, but it will go a long way toward helping you feel more on top of your day. There is something about already knowing what's for dinner that makes the day feel more do-able! I work on my meal plans on the weekend, posting my list on a write-on/wipe- off board on my refrigerator. I also do my shopping during the weekend so that all the ingredients I will need are in the house for the week. This is a big time saver during the week and is definitely worth the effort I put forth on the weekend when I don't have schooling responsibilities.
>
>8. Get outside. Go for a walk. Go to a park. Look for bugs and rocks and leaves. If you want to make it educational, then use a guide to identify what you find and let your kids take turns sketching these things or just take a photo and keep an inexpensive photo album of your findings. Getting outside and appreciating God's vast creation never fails to give me a fresh perspective and a renewed energy level. If nothing else, just carry a blanket out to your backyard and do schoolwork outside, or read aloud on the deck, patio, or in the hammock!
>
>9. Take time to be alone. It's okay to need, as one friend put it, just a few hours where nobody calls me Mama! from time to time. I like to have a nice leisurely lunch all by myself with just a good book for company. Or join other homeschooling moms at my church group's moms night out. Or venture to a bookstore with my planning notebook for some time to plan and read and pray over what we are doing for school.
>
>10. Don't forget to laugh! Don't be so teacher-oriented that you forget that you are first and foremost a mom. Enjoy your kids. Laugh when they say funny things. Make jokes and be silly. Appreciate the sheer joy that can be found just by looking into their eyes and hearing the sweet things they say. Recently I wrote across the top of my goals for this year: Be joyful! Motherhood is a gift, not a burden!Why is it that sometimes I forget that simple truth? He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the Lord. Psalm 113:9 My hope is that some of these ideas will infuse you with new life, new perspective, and new hope for your homeschool!
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Very sweet
Again, from the Common Room:
http://heartkeepercommonroom.blogspot.com/2009/08/sweetness.html
The reason this is so sweet to me, is that we have so many kids who know each other right now, and are good friends, as are their parents. This kind of thing could happen to us, and while we are already blessed and don't deserve it, I truly look forward to seeing this kind of thing happen at least once to someone. With nearly 60 kids involved in our Rosary Group, well, it's sure to happen at least once.
God bless them. The girl you see in the picture with glasses on is having the first baby in September. I can't wait for the joy on their blog then!
http://heartkeepercommonroom.blogspot.com/2009/08/sweetness.html
The reason this is so sweet to me, is that we have so many kids who know each other right now, and are good friends, as are their parents. This kind of thing could happen to us, and while we are already blessed and don't deserve it, I truly look forward to seeing this kind of thing happen at least once to someone. With nearly 60 kids involved in our Rosary Group, well, it's sure to happen at least once.
God bless them. The girl you see in the picture with glasses on is having the first baby in September. I can't wait for the joy on their blog then!
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Bursting Bubbles and other thoughts
Oddly enough, The Common Room found this beauty:
http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/story/29127316/the_great_american_bubble_machine/
from Rolling Stone of all places. It's long, but well worth reading. I really wonder what all will come to pass and how history will end up rendering it. Sigh...
On that same note, this is an awesome book I highly recommend: The Politically Incorrect Guide to Science.
I put these things up not to scare people, but to get them to notice so they can think about it, instead of being spoonfed gluttonous amounts of one-sided information. It's good to be informed, bad to be scared and decide not to learn so you can sleep at night. If all this makes a person too nervous, it might be a good time to remember who's in charge: GOD. Then, spend some time with Him in prayer, and let it go.
http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/story/29127316/the_great_american_bubble_machine/
from Rolling Stone of all places. It's long, but well worth reading. I really wonder what all will come to pass and how history will end up rendering it. Sigh...
On that same note, this is an awesome book I highly recommend: The Politically Incorrect Guide to Science.
I put these things up not to scare people, but to get them to notice so they can think about it, instead of being spoonfed gluttonous amounts of one-sided information. It's good to be informed, bad to be scared and decide not to learn so you can sleep at night. If all this makes a person too nervous, it might be a good time to remember who's in charge: GOD. Then, spend some time with Him in prayer, and let it go.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
HPV vaccine dangers
Quite a long time ago, I remember either posting or facebooking that this was a problem. Everyone who decided not to use the HPV Gardasil vaccine "against cervical cancer" was considered a nut job. Why? Because this particular kind of cervical cancer is caused by sex with different partners. So, if we live what we conservative types have been taught, and stay monogamous, then we don't need this vaccine. So then we were told, well, NOBODY stays monogamous, and what if your daughter doesn't? And won't you feel bad if she dies of cancer because you were such a prude?
Oh, the insult to my intelligence knew no bounds. And since my daughter is four, it didn't really matter to me personally. But there were signs early on that this vaccine was dangerous. The medical community pushed for it anyway. There was a huge ad campaign. It was crazy.
And now, today, this: http://abcnews.go.com/Health/CancerPreventionAndTreatment/story?id=8356717
Pushing things through too fast seems to be a trend in quite a few places: government, economics, etc. I'm so not getting that swine flu shot unless it really looks like the cost benefit analysis wins out. So far, it sounds like they are not testing it much and letting rhetoric win again. Personally? I'd rather take my chances without at this point. But that will be another post.
I really feel bad for the families of these girls. This is very sad, indeed.
Oh, the insult to my intelligence knew no bounds. And since my daughter is four, it didn't really matter to me personally. But there were signs early on that this vaccine was dangerous. The medical community pushed for it anyway. There was a huge ad campaign. It was crazy.
And now, today, this: http://abcnews.go.com/Health/CancerPreventionAndTreatment/story?id=8356717
Pushing things through too fast seems to be a trend in quite a few places: government, economics, etc. I'm so not getting that swine flu shot unless it really looks like the cost benefit analysis wins out. So far, it sounds like they are not testing it much and letting rhetoric win again. Personally? I'd rather take my chances without at this point. But that will be another post.
I really feel bad for the families of these girls. This is very sad, indeed.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
breech baby?
I have lots of time this morning because my neighbor's car made a click click click noise this morning as he was, poor man, trying to start it. I thought his daughter was still here to help him start it, but alas. It was 5:50, as usual (he's not very quiet and should have hearing aids big time, but oh well... a very nice neighbor to have). I got out the cables and tried to get close to the car, but the batteries are on opposite sides, so we finally ended up putting it in neutral and backing it up, and voila! it started right up. Magic! So now I'm awake and the kids are not, and I'm really quite happy about that.
Yesterday we had what we call Medical Monday. It's silly, but the best day to go is when the husband is not at work. I really must stop doing that. In any case, the chiropractor and the OB were our stops. We went together for it all, and I took the kids on purpose the the OB this time, because he keeps a small ultrasound machine in his office. The kids wanted to see, and the baby is getting kinda big to fit on the screen anymore, so I wanted to get in there. They liked it. Grace especially, since her Berenstain Bears book shows about seeing an ultrasound. She was only Dominic's age for Dominic, so she doesn't remember his.
At my 20 week ultrasound at the "real" place, they did all those measurements and stuff, but they also found just one very minor potential problem. My placenta is positioned only 2 cm. away from the way out of my body. If it covered that area, and it could, I would have placenta previa. That would be very bad, and definitely result in a c-section, along with a lot of illness while waiting for the baby to be big enough to be born. So thank you, God, for not letting that happen. My mom had that for my middle sister, who was born naturally with five minutes to spare at the hospital, but it wasn't a good situation.
My baby appears to really like the breech position, and I wish she'd turn around while she's still got room, but so far, no good. I asked the OB if we could try convincing her to turn around by hand positioning techniques I've heard of, and he said we could, they do work, but sometimes, just sometimes, that baby is breech for a reason. And if they are breech because of the placenta being placed low, well, that might be something we don't want to mess with. I'd rather have the c-section without the illness and risk of placenta previa (toxemia). Of course, I'd much rather not have the c-section at all, but I don't think a breech birth sounds all that super, either.
I'm hoping she'll just turn around if it's safe to do so. It's only 26 weeks, and there's still lots of time.
Come on, baby!!
Meanwhile, I'm going to learn something about c-sections, just in case...
Yesterday we had what we call Medical Monday. It's silly, but the best day to go is when the husband is not at work. I really must stop doing that. In any case, the chiropractor and the OB were our stops. We went together for it all, and I took the kids on purpose the the OB this time, because he keeps a small ultrasound machine in his office. The kids wanted to see, and the baby is getting kinda big to fit on the screen anymore, so I wanted to get in there. They liked it. Grace especially, since her Berenstain Bears book shows about seeing an ultrasound. She was only Dominic's age for Dominic, so she doesn't remember his.
At my 20 week ultrasound at the "real" place, they did all those measurements and stuff, but they also found just one very minor potential problem. My placenta is positioned only 2 cm. away from the way out of my body. If it covered that area, and it could, I would have placenta previa. That would be very bad, and definitely result in a c-section, along with a lot of illness while waiting for the baby to be big enough to be born. So thank you, God, for not letting that happen. My mom had that for my middle sister, who was born naturally with five minutes to spare at the hospital, but it wasn't a good situation.
My baby appears to really like the breech position, and I wish she'd turn around while she's still got room, but so far, no good. I asked the OB if we could try convincing her to turn around by hand positioning techniques I've heard of, and he said we could, they do work, but sometimes, just sometimes, that baby is breech for a reason. And if they are breech because of the placenta being placed low, well, that might be something we don't want to mess with. I'd rather have the c-section without the illness and risk of placenta previa (toxemia). Of course, I'd much rather not have the c-section at all, but I don't think a breech birth sounds all that super, either.
I'm hoping she'll just turn around if it's safe to do so. It's only 26 weeks, and there's still lots of time.
Come on, baby!!
Meanwhile, I'm going to learn something about c-sections, just in case...
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Why I may not post as much and what I'm reading
It appears my home improvement gig had a glitch. In my back. Ow.
In 1995-96, I was a varsity rower. Yup. Free trips to CA in spandex and everything. It was great to be in great shape. Problem is, I'm 5'3". That's a lot shorter than the usual of say... six feet? So I tried to overcompensate. They did tell me not to, but I just could not figure out how to row in unison any other way. So of course, I hurt myself.
The same injury is back. Problem is, I'm not exactly losing weight here. I went to my doc and then to physical therapy. They said I can sit on a ball and I can wear a pregnancy belt, and since it's the only comfy position, I need to lay down once every couple of hours. I can do that some days. I just am annoyed that I can't drive much. I'd like to go see my folks about five hours from here, but one hour just about killed me last weekend, so I guess NO is the answer. Sigh. Not likely to get much better til oh... December? But if it does, I'm spending my birthday with my parents.
Sitting is the worst by far. This is a problem because I love sitting when I am pregnant. It's hard to type lying down. And I am going to grade papers this year. Guess I'd better get creative. Standing is better than sitting. Oh boy.
I've been reading the biography of St. Gianna Beretta Molla, who died in 1962 after choosing her baby's life over her own. It's sad, but also she lived her life with such joy and prayer and amazing trust in Providence. I shall have to keep the book around. I'm not really aiming for the martyrdom part, but I can aim for the holiness part. I think that virtues are going to be a major goal this year. Just around the house with my own family. It's a constant struggle to be a good person when I'm tired, and I really need to stop whining and get on with it. St. Gianna is a great example of what a person can be if Heaven is their goal.
Another part which is of interest to me and which makes me think this book will be a present to my wonderful Catholic woman doctor, is that she was a working mom. Yes, we have a married mother around age 40 who worked right up til her fourth pregnancy, which did not go well. She lived and loved with every fiber of her being, and her husband could see how being a doctor was her way of loving Jesus in every person, so she remained working and a mother. What amazing grace. I love this part, because I find the infighting between stay at home moms and working moms as completely callous on the part of both, when we women should support each other as much as we can, not drag each other down. I'm so glad she was made a saint.
The website dedicated to St. Gianna Molla
In 1995-96, I was a varsity rower. Yup. Free trips to CA in spandex and everything. It was great to be in great shape. Problem is, I'm 5'3". That's a lot shorter than the usual of say... six feet? So I tried to overcompensate. They did tell me not to, but I just could not figure out how to row in unison any other way. So of course, I hurt myself.
The same injury is back. Problem is, I'm not exactly losing weight here. I went to my doc and then to physical therapy. They said I can sit on a ball and I can wear a pregnancy belt, and since it's the only comfy position, I need to lay down once every couple of hours. I can do that some days. I just am annoyed that I can't drive much. I'd like to go see my folks about five hours from here, but one hour just about killed me last weekend, so I guess NO is the answer. Sigh. Not likely to get much better til oh... December? But if it does, I'm spending my birthday with my parents.
Sitting is the worst by far. This is a problem because I love sitting when I am pregnant. It's hard to type lying down. And I am going to grade papers this year. Guess I'd better get creative. Standing is better than sitting. Oh boy.
I've been reading the biography of St. Gianna Beretta Molla, who died in 1962 after choosing her baby's life over her own. It's sad, but also she lived her life with such joy and prayer and amazing trust in Providence. I shall have to keep the book around. I'm not really aiming for the martyrdom part, but I can aim for the holiness part. I think that virtues are going to be a major goal this year. Just around the house with my own family. It's a constant struggle to be a good person when I'm tired, and I really need to stop whining and get on with it. St. Gianna is a great example of what a person can be if Heaven is their goal.
Another part which is of interest to me and which makes me think this book will be a present to my wonderful Catholic woman doctor, is that she was a working mom. Yes, we have a married mother around age 40 who worked right up til her fourth pregnancy, which did not go well. She lived and loved with every fiber of her being, and her husband could see how being a doctor was her way of loving Jesus in every person, so she remained working and a mother. What amazing grace. I love this part, because I find the infighting between stay at home moms and working moms as completely callous on the part of both, when we women should support each other as much as we can, not drag each other down. I'm so glad she was made a saint.
The website dedicated to St. Gianna Molla
Saturday, August 8, 2009
My political spectrum quizeroo
I'm laughing, I really am. This was on facebook.
My Political Views
I am a centrist moderate social authoritarian
Left: 0.28, Authoritarian: 1.6
Political Spectrum Quiz
My Political Views
I am a centrist moderate social authoritarian
Left: 0.28, Authoritarian: 1.6
Political Spectrum Quiz
Really?
Wow. How come I suddenly have triple the number of hits on my blog this week? I wonder if it will stay that way? That's really neat! Thanks, guys!! :)
Who do you trust? :)
Ha ha ha... CNN poll:
Quick Vote
Who do you trust more to overhaul the U.S. health care system?
Democrats 43% 69282
Republicans 13% 21621
Neither 44% 70313
Total Votes: 161216
read related article »
This is not a scientific poll
I voted neither.
Quick Vote
Who do you trust more to overhaul the U.S. health care system?
Democrats 43% 69282
Republicans 13% 21621
Neither 44% 70313
Total Votes: 161216
read related article »
This is not a scientific poll
I voted neither.
Soccer begineth, among other things
Woo hoo! We just heard from both soccer coaches. We have soccer on Tuesday and Thursday for Gabe, across town, from 4:30-5:30, and so far on Tuesdays for Brandon from 5:30-6:30, on this side of town. Uh ohs. I'm SO GLAD we have this:
For the first time in six years, we have a truly wonderful, reliable, loveable second car. I also have a husband who will be home by 4pm for the next few months, which will make soccer season possible at least til the end of October, at which point I may have to shout for help on occasion, depending on what shift he gets next.
Yay for a Prius 3! Hooray, hooray, huzzah!
And now to get ready for the chaos that is fall:
1. Soccer = two boys who love it til November something. Practices once or twice a week plus games on weekends.
2. Scouts = selling popcorn (and competing with Nathan and now Joseph, too?!) Religious awards encouragement, too.
3. Baby due Nov. 22. After this particular chaos, but that should slow down my holidays real good.
4. MODG = I'm going back to grading after a year hiatus. I have my student list of 15 students (10th grade history and one solitary religion), and I have a laptop that is getting it's operating system and software installed, and then I will "start over" and be more picky about what I keep on it. Hence, my students shall have a wait a bit longer for me to contact them. I'm going to keep it all in one place!!
5. A friend and I are probably going to assume leadership of our local homeschooling group, just because no one else wants to, and the ladies who are doing it SERIOUSLY need a break. It's one Sunday a month.
6. I'm considering helping start an American Heritage Girls group to coincide with our cub/boy scouts. In fact, if they met during those meetings, that would really be convenient for our larger families. Still researching that. American Heritage Girls
7. Homeschooling. What's that? Oh dear. Still ordering some curriculum for science and for Brandon's hopefully learning to read maybe this year. I hate to spend this much money, but I think we'll both enjoy ourselves more with Sing, Spell, Read, Write, which I'm missing parts to and must order.
8. Working on setting up a schedule for our weekdays. Need chores, prayer, cooking, shopping, and dating the husband on the list. And exercise. I think I'll just sit here with my straitjacket for a while... be back later. :)
So there you go. Now you all can just sit back, relax, and watch the madness. :) I refuse to start school til the day after Labor Day. So there.
For the first time in six years, we have a truly wonderful, reliable, loveable second car. I also have a husband who will be home by 4pm for the next few months, which will make soccer season possible at least til the end of October, at which point I may have to shout for help on occasion, depending on what shift he gets next.
Yay for a Prius 3! Hooray, hooray, huzzah!
And now to get ready for the chaos that is fall:
1. Soccer = two boys who love it til November something. Practices once or twice a week plus games on weekends.
2. Scouts = selling popcorn (and competing with Nathan and now Joseph, too?!) Religious awards encouragement, too.
3. Baby due Nov. 22. After this particular chaos, but that should slow down my holidays real good.
4. MODG = I'm going back to grading after a year hiatus. I have my student list of 15 students (10th grade history and one solitary religion), and I have a laptop that is getting it's operating system and software installed, and then I will "start over" and be more picky about what I keep on it. Hence, my students shall have a wait a bit longer for me to contact them. I'm going to keep it all in one place!!
5. A friend and I are probably going to assume leadership of our local homeschooling group, just because no one else wants to, and the ladies who are doing it SERIOUSLY need a break. It's one Sunday a month.
6. I'm considering helping start an American Heritage Girls group to coincide with our cub/boy scouts. In fact, if they met during those meetings, that would really be convenient for our larger families. Still researching that. American Heritage Girls
7. Homeschooling. What's that? Oh dear. Still ordering some curriculum for science and for Brandon's hopefully learning to read maybe this year. I hate to spend this much money, but I think we'll both enjoy ourselves more with Sing, Spell, Read, Write, which I'm missing parts to and must order.
8. Working on setting up a schedule for our weekdays. Need chores, prayer, cooking, shopping, and dating the husband on the list. And exercise. I think I'll just sit here with my straitjacket for a while... be back later. :)
So there you go. Now you all can just sit back, relax, and watch the madness. :) I refuse to start school til the day after Labor Day. So there.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Home improvement, and the people who made it possible!
Thank you, thank you, thank you, oh people who worked super hard for beer and pizza or nothing at all. You know we'll be there when you call us for help! :)
Our home remodel at last...
Ah ha!! Preview and hide preview do help with this picture posting thing!
These are the "before" shots of our home. Notice the popcorn ceiling. There was gray carpet, but we started removing it quite some time ago. It smelled awful, looked awful, and we knew from our friends that you can successfully paint and walk on your subfloor. So we did.
These are the "before" shots of our home. Notice the popcorn ceiling. There was gray carpet, but we started removing it quite some time ago. It smelled awful, looked awful, and we knew from our friends that you can successfully paint and walk on your subfloor. So we did.
This one deserves its own post.
I wish Blogger was more fun to download pics to. I probably don't know something really obvious. If anyone knows what that is, please enlighten me!
This is how hot it was during our hot spell. This is Not Normal anywhere near Seattle, any time.
This is how hot it was during our hot spell. This is Not Normal anywhere near Seattle, any time.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Priorities
I am reminded of something over and over, and it's in this book and on this website:
http://www.mothersruleoflife.com/
Disclaimer: Very important: Do NOT read this book in order to find "the perfect system". It is for you to read to make your own system, and to keep your priorities in order. Everyone wants to skip them, including me, and that is why people dismiss this book. In fact, the first half of the book is largely about the individual level of spiritual warfare the author had to deal with first, and that may be more important than the rest of the book.
She also has a question/answer website, and a workbook pdf you can buy online if that helps.
Remember the Five P's. THEY ARE IN ORDER. If you screw up the order, you shoot yourself in the foot. DO NOT try to argue with yourself about the order. You will only prolong the process, I promise.
The Five P's are: PRAYER, PERSON, PARTNER, PARENT, PROVIDER.
NOT the other way around, which is very, very often what we are doing. Which is why we are frustrated. You can't reach the level God asks you to reach as a person without prayer, you can't be a good partner to your spouse if you aren't taking care of yourself first, you can't be a good parent in the fullest way if you are neglecting any of the first three P's, and you are going to be one frazzled provider if you aren't doing the first four. When we put provider first, we sometimes neglect things that will be more important in 20 years, even if they don't seem important now.
So go give some thought and prayer to that, and chew on it a while. :)
http://www.mothersruleoflife.com/
Disclaimer: Very important: Do NOT read this book in order to find "the perfect system". It is for you to read to make your own system, and to keep your priorities in order. Everyone wants to skip them, including me, and that is why people dismiss this book. In fact, the first half of the book is largely about the individual level of spiritual warfare the author had to deal with first, and that may be more important than the rest of the book.
She also has a question/answer website, and a workbook pdf you can buy online if that helps.
Remember the Five P's. THEY ARE IN ORDER. If you screw up the order, you shoot yourself in the foot. DO NOT try to argue with yourself about the order. You will only prolong the process, I promise.
The Five P's are: PRAYER, PERSON, PARTNER, PARENT, PROVIDER.
NOT the other way around, which is very, very often what we are doing. Which is why we are frustrated. You can't reach the level God asks you to reach as a person without prayer, you can't be a good partner to your spouse if you aren't taking care of yourself first, you can't be a good parent in the fullest way if you are neglecting any of the first three P's, and you are going to be one frazzled provider if you aren't doing the first four. When we put provider first, we sometimes neglect things that will be more important in 20 years, even if they don't seem important now.
So go give some thought and prayer to that, and chew on it a while. :)
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
check in
Hello All,
Please do enjoy perusing the amazing stuff below. I really enjoyed reading it. I have also been enjoying this book to death, and it has helped me come across this plan I think I may try out... Managers of Their Chores. You can get a set of four chore packs when you order the book. Perfect!
Here is the Duggar's website: http://www.duggarfamily.com/
Their life story is more amazing than I knew. You can also watch short clips from their reality tv documentaries on TLC/Discovery Health Channel. Unlike some reality stars, these folks saw it as God asking them to spread God's word and inspire people in a small way, and they were well grounded people before the tv crews came around. I think they were very blessed in that regard. It's hard to keep your head on straight otherwise!
Can you tell I'm working on organization?
Our floor is almost done, by the way. We had men and beer and pizza here til 11pm last night, and we hope for a repeat today. It shouldn't take too long... we just are afraid to use the saw ourselves.
Pictures will come, I promise!
Please do enjoy perusing the amazing stuff below. I really enjoyed reading it. I have also been enjoying this book to death, and it has helped me come across this plan I think I may try out... Managers of Their Chores. You can get a set of four chore packs when you order the book. Perfect!
Here is the Duggar's website: http://www.duggarfamily.com/
Their life story is more amazing than I knew. You can also watch short clips from their reality tv documentaries on TLC/Discovery Health Channel. Unlike some reality stars, these folks saw it as God asking them to spread God's word and inspire people in a small way, and they were well grounded people before the tv crews came around. I think they were very blessed in that regard. It's hard to keep your head on straight otherwise!
Can you tell I'm working on organization?
Our floor is almost done, by the way. We had men and beer and pizza here til 11pm last night, and we hope for a repeat today. It shouldn't take too long... we just are afraid to use the saw ourselves.
Pictures will come, I promise!
Monday, August 3, 2009
A small bit more from Robin...
Here's the last bit...
These replies are not as thorough as some of the rest but they are ‘there’…let me know if you have more questions. I’ll continue to send the replies as I get them and then I’ll send the doc upon its completion. rjb
8. Order of the year: do you take time off? How do you motivate all year long?
Reply by Robin Betz: I do take A LOT Of time off. I tend to work like this:
Mid august start school year for some of all; always my middles and youngers. If I start my older kids I’ll start with math and probably the reading for some of their history and religion. Also, keep in mind, much of their summer reading is the required reading for the upcoming year; setting them up for success.
So, then, we often take a break by the end of September to get one last camp out in at the ocean. (Not always)
We always take the entire week of Thanksgiving off.
By Christmas we are week 16 and we take at least 2 weeks off.
We then take 3 weeks off at Easter; TWO before to clean and prepare our hearts leaving all of Holy week for the 'spiritualness' of it all. Then Easter week to play rest and begin gardening.
In doing this we are still able to take another week off if need be and still be done with school by testing the last week of May. We try to go away as a family that week leading up to testing before things get busy for the summer. We plan the summer fun; discuss what school we’ll be doing for the summer and any big changes.
During the summer we usually do 2 subjects per child; either lightly to brush up on things or wholly to replace something they’d be doing next year to lighten their load. Or, sometimes if they got behind they’ll be ‘catching up.’
9. Getting the entire subject covered?
Reply by Robin Betz:
As stated above; I think by making a plan and making sure one takes breaks; either longer ones like I do or shorter breaks more often, and stick to this plan to the best of your ability, you will feel more confident and more inspired to do so. I believe it is the times when we just go along, stopping for what ‘seems’ important that home school mom’s can feel a constant pressure yet also a constant temptation to sway from the plan. So, yes, we sometimes have issues getting the entire subject covered but I’m fully aware this is happening, it is a conscience choices and sometimes it’s perfectly acceptable, to stop short of completion depending on the subject and the demeanor of my child.
10. Several mom’s spoke of the challenge to be open to change; they spoke of being orderly and like to plan ahead.
Reply by robin bezt:
More often than not I meet idealistic mom’s , maybe my personality attracts these kinds of women, but the fact is, with so few boundaries and so many gifts and possibilities in homeschooling and in parenting in general, I believe we can fall into despair more easily than a mother who has a tendency to aim low or to procrastinate.
Mix Catholic, mother, wife and homeschooling with the tendency towards idealism and you have the potential for a rich life bringing forth Godly children; we also have the potential for neglecting our marriages and deep spiritual connection with God.
Homeschooling can either by our road to sanctity (and sanity J) or our downfall. We, as responsible adults should all be making plans and consulting God and other wise people who have gone before us for advice, however, we simultaneously must be open to change.
These replies are not as thorough as some of the rest but they are ‘there’…let me know if you have more questions. I’ll continue to send the replies as I get them and then I’ll send the doc upon its completion. rjb
8. Order of the year: do you take time off? How do you motivate all year long?
Reply by Robin Betz: I do take A LOT Of time off. I tend to work like this:
Mid august start school year for some of all; always my middles and youngers. If I start my older kids I’ll start with math and probably the reading for some of their history and religion. Also, keep in mind, much of their summer reading is the required reading for the upcoming year; setting them up for success.
So, then, we often take a break by the end of September to get one last camp out in at the ocean. (Not always)
We always take the entire week of Thanksgiving off.
By Christmas we are week 16 and we take at least 2 weeks off.
We then take 3 weeks off at Easter; TWO before to clean and prepare our hearts leaving all of Holy week for the 'spiritualness' of it all. Then Easter week to play rest and begin gardening.
In doing this we are still able to take another week off if need be and still be done with school by testing the last week of May. We try to go away as a family that week leading up to testing before things get busy for the summer. We plan the summer fun; discuss what school we’ll be doing for the summer and any big changes.
During the summer we usually do 2 subjects per child; either lightly to brush up on things or wholly to replace something they’d be doing next year to lighten their load. Or, sometimes if they got behind they’ll be ‘catching up.’
9. Getting the entire subject covered?
Reply by Robin Betz:
As stated above; I think by making a plan and making sure one takes breaks; either longer ones like I do or shorter breaks more often, and stick to this plan to the best of your ability, you will feel more confident and more inspired to do so. I believe it is the times when we just go along, stopping for what ‘seems’ important that home school mom’s can feel a constant pressure yet also a constant temptation to sway from the plan. So, yes, we sometimes have issues getting the entire subject covered but I’m fully aware this is happening, it is a conscience choices and sometimes it’s perfectly acceptable, to stop short of completion depending on the subject and the demeanor of my child.
10. Several mom’s spoke of the challenge to be open to change; they spoke of being orderly and like to plan ahead.
Reply by robin bezt:
More often than not I meet idealistic mom’s , maybe my personality attracts these kinds of women, but the fact is, with so few boundaries and so many gifts and possibilities in homeschooling and in parenting in general, I believe we can fall into despair more easily than a mother who has a tendency to aim low or to procrastinate.
Mix Catholic, mother, wife and homeschooling with the tendency towards idealism and you have the potential for a rich life bringing forth Godly children; we also have the potential for neglecting our marriages and deep spiritual connection with God.
Homeschooling can either by our road to sanctity (and sanity J) or our downfall. We, as responsible adults should all be making plans and consulting God and other wise people who have gone before us for advice, however, we simultaneously must be open to change.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Home/homeschooling management advice (long!)
Last May, I went to a Catholic homeschooling conference in our area. A mom I've known for about eight years volunteered to be on a panel of "experienced" moms, and had such a positive response that she opened up her house to mommies with questions about every gosh darned thing you can imagine in a homeschooling family, or heck, just a family. We had quite a turn out. I was one of two vans who carted people from my town to theirs for the evening, and that was fun in itself!
After the meeting, Robin took down questions and started compiling answers. The following is the email we received if we wanted to be on her mailing list. It may not be well organized, but the notes are there, take whatever you can get from it. Robin and David are parents of 11 children, two in heaven, and one on the way about a month before me. She's the first to say she's learned a lot by not listening to hints from God the first time. It was a delight to hear her stories and visit her home. While none of us should strive to BE her, she's well worth learning from. The reason I say that, is that we should all learn to be OURSELVES. As God intended.
Here are the notes, before I lose them!
Dear interested J
I have been working on the questions that some of you have posed. I was going ot wait and send one doc. When it was complete but it is taking me longer than I planned. I thought I would send to you the questions as a comlete a few at a time and then I will send to you the doc in its entirety. I realized it might be easier to also read a few questions at a time then receiving a longer document.
I am not focusing on grammar or order as much as I am getting my thoughts onto paper for you; excuse the lack of quality there and do let me know if you have any questions.
Prayers for you and yours as you prepare for the coming year.
Please pray for me and for my family!
Robin
Homeschooling questions
Some of the main questions posed included:
These questions were submitted to me either via email or via the meetings:
1. I have a 13 year old son and 10 year old daughter. I switched to Saxon Math from Modern Curriculum Press when my son was in 4th grade, and it's worked very well for us so far. My son just finished Saxon 8/7. I have heard from two or three people not to use Saxon for Algebra. I was wondering if others share this opinion, and if so, what your recommendations for Algebra are. I will appreciate any advice you can share.
Reply from robin betz:
My experience has been this; to pick a program and to stick with it. We follow MODG as much to the’t’ as we are able for all practical purposes. I would definitely sway from this if I felt a need; thus far, except for this year, I have never felt that need. (This year we are having our son who was in the accident do 'teaching text books' for algebra II instead of Saxon ONLY because he was only 2/3 of the way through the book when the accident happened. After he recovered enough to study a bit, we did NOT want to overwhelm him /punish him and have SO much school left for the duration of the summer or to add to his next year. So, we let him do the bare basics, which was up through lesson??? And then told him he could be finished. That being said, Teaching Text books is far less rigorous and has an easier program to follow so we rectified the situation by having him use TT this year for Algebra II. Make sense?) So, this is our 'formula for math':
-we do ABeka work books up through 3rd grade math ( I say this cuz most of my kids do abekka 3 in 2nd grade, so adjust this according to the grade your child would be doing it in, the point is the order I do it in and the general age)
- Then starting in 4th grade level, we switch to Saxon, (which for my kids is usually in 3rd grade)
- In 7th grade we DO include Algebra 1/2 (some families skip this. I figure I'd rather have them have a sound /strong concept than to be so far ahead. We can discuss this if this does not make sense).
-We do alg 1/2, alg 1 then, Jacobs Geometry (I sign the kids up for the chat class via MODG for Geometry; we've had two kids without the class and one child has taken the class. We felt the class was worth the time and money; they use a ‘white board’ on their computers and meet 2x a week. It feels good to have MODG as the 'moderator' for this class. I still work with my kids about 2 hours a week when in geometry quizzing them and letting them do a bunch orally.
- Then following Geometry we do Algebra II in 11th leaving 12th grade for any other kind of math class depending on where the student is heading for college.
- keep in mind we also expect the kids to show ALL of their work and to bring their work to me as soon as they are finished. They then make their changes corrections in a timely manner.
- We keep a grading sheet at the front of the binder to make it easy to calculate their grades.
-BUT, let me add, we DO purchase the DIVE cd's that go with the Saxon work. Our formula for daily lessons is this:
Students do ALL the practice problems. They do half of the lesson, one day 1-15, and the next day 16-30 of the NEXT lesson. If they seem to have trouble then I might ask them to do the remainder of a lesson. If they are struggling I first ask, 'did you read the chapter?", then I ask, 'did you watch the DIVE?" thus far, if my child does all of this, we're left with little to no issues.
Let me show you an example in case this is foggy;
Monday lesson 1 all practice and problems 1-15
Tues lesson 2 all practice problems and problems 16-30
Wed lesson 3: all practice and problems 1-15.
#2
I'm looking for any help organizing my time and schooling with only 'littles'. My children are 6, 4, 2, and 6mos. Especially since #4 was born I feel I can only handle the house or the schooling, never both. Any suggestions on how and when to focus on schooling would be great. I've enjoyed Fly lady and the Large Family Logistics site. I'm also the 3rd oldest of 10 from a homeschooling family so you'd think I'd be able to figure it out, but I'm at a loss as to how to manage it all with children who mostly need me to walk with them every step of the way. Any insites would be great.
Reply from robin betz:
In short, you should only NEED to be schooling about 60-90 minutes a day…is that about what you are doing? If not, let’s discuss that. If you are but you are still feeling overwhelmed, let’s talk about any extras that might need to be altered.
Are you making sure prayers are a priority?
Are you making sure exercise is a priority?
Is marriage a priority?
Are you distracted by the computer or phone or unexpected interruptions?
Is there some sense of order to your day? To your home?
Are there too many things around?
Are there things that are making your life a big mess? i.e.: so many toys that when you finally do school the kids trash the place and the work load is unmanageable?
Are your chores organized so you feel a sense of accomplishment but NOT always working with nothing to show for it?
Let’s start there; just take a minute to consider the above and I bet you’ll be able to hone in on where the issues lie. It will give us a place to start.
3. From looking at your schedule it looks like you have time scheduled each day for your children, is this doable?
Reply from robin betz:
I do have time with my kids each day, this is what I’ve found: about 1 hour a day per child once in school is ideal to plan for and this is why (I’d say more like 90 minutes the first year they are learning to read would be fair to plan for) :
Before the year they are ready to learn to read, which is anywhere from age 4+ to 5+, I just give busy stuff here and there and feed their desires. I work throughout the day on formation, obedience, joy, chores, learning to put things away, doing chores correctly, going to bed and staying there, getting up and getting dressed promptly, learning that what mommy says, mommy means! (Yesterday my 18 month old, as I emphatically told her she must stay on her bed, she pouted back at me ‘Robin, you’re mean!’. I was affirmed more than ever that I was doing the right thing; I lacked NO confidence!
The year they are ready to read until about 3rd grade ,I sit with them and do ALL of their school; basically I get it out of the way, including ; phonics, reading, handwriting, math, religion, and poetry. I’ll combine them with other kids or have other siblings oversee their science, geography, music etc.
4-6th grade I spend about an hour a day ‘going over’ their work, making sure they did it, grading etc. these are the years I have a tendency to let them soar and become very independent, which is good in many ways, but, this can lead them into temptation to lie and cheat as well. It can come along very innocently; when asked if they completed a paper or assignment, a vague ‘yes’ might really mean…’I plan on starting it!” The time I give to this age of child will often be broken up but it is scheduled i.e.; they might go off and do their math and science, bring it to me when it is complete, I will correct it while they work on their worldly wise and Latin. They will STAY there and correct their mistakes in math and science so it is finished for the day, then stay there and complete WW and Latin; ending with me quizzing them in Latin and hearing their poetry. That, all together took probably 30 minutes. They’d then leave to do the rest of their school, coming back to me at a set time to do the same. By the end of the day, they are DONE, we are finished and I know they are on track.
7th – 12th, I sign them up for as much support as we can afford/be part of through MODG. I still save that hour a day to read/go over:
7th grade: grammar and history/religion
8th /9th: check that they are on top of things, read some religion and history with them, correct math, go over papers and essays
10th: quiz them in geometry 3-4 days a week to help them to move along, read over religion and history
11th – 12th: religion and history; check that they are on track, read over papers before they send them into their TA.
So, I have been spending about 8 hours HANDS on with my kids for the last few years and it will be this way for the next decade at least but I’ve had 8 kids actively in school for the last few years. Every time one leaves, at least one more joins the schoolers! J My point is, I think it is safe to say to budget about 5-6 hours a day for hands on schooling if you have 5 kids.
4. It looks like you do summer school, is that true and why?
Reply by robin betz:
As for summer school: for the most part, I find that having them have some sort of schedule is really helpful. I try to evaluate in the spring what we can let go and what we should work on. And, I try to move ahead in some subject I find more challenging so the kids feel ‘ahead’ (and so I do too) so we can slow down later on. Some things, it seems, we can move ahead exponentially if we can just hone in on them. If we do them mixed in with 7 other classes or more, it can feel overwhelming.
And, this fall I am going to have a baby so I felt it would be a good summer to really focus on school. I am paying my daughter carlike to help me!
5. it looks like you have your children read each day, how long do the little ones read?
Reply by robin betz:
As for the amount of time I have the little kids read: when just learning to read, oh, the usual time to get through one reader while reading to me or a sibling. Then, we have a quiet time EACH day for 1-3 hours. It usually goes like this:
First hour (or 45 min.) quiet reading. Usually the school required book
Second hour: playing legos quietly or reading to one another, or finish that early and let them watch a video if they were angelic
Note: My boys do NOT find a passion for reading as early as my girls, but, then when it catches on, I can’t get a book out of their hands. And, they will hide a ‘leisure’ book inside a school book. I have found at about 3rd and 4th grade if you can get them hooked on a series of books i.e.: hardy boys, box car, Betsy Tacy Tibs, then this will go far. This is the age, if they do NOT like to read, to let them read at a lesser level in that they can find the joy in reading. Invest in books that bring their passions out: sports or adventure for boys perhaps, horse books or fantasy ….you know what I mean.
Reply by Meredith Henning:
By not knowing what age your "little ones" are is a bit difficult to answer, but once my children are able to read somewhat fluently on their own (anywhere from 4 - 7 years old) then I have them read aloud to me for about 10 minutes each day (or less, depending on the material). Anyone older than 7 will read for 1/2 hour - 1 hour independently as well as their reading during school/learning hours. This can also happen spontaneously throughout the day. I also make sure the new readers are present at the time when I am reading aloud so they can continue to build their "ear" towards hearing good books read with inflections and proper enunciations, etc.
Reply by Julia Fogassy:
For most of the kids, reading has never been an issue. Once they could read, they read well and often without any prompting. For one of our children, reading did not “happen” until he was nearly ten years old. Even at ten years, it would have been cruel and unusual punishment to require him to read for ten minutes per day. And the other children didn’t need any requirements--so we didn’t have any.
As the children were first learning to read, we did have regular reading time. They read aloud to me from beginning-level books like the Mad and Tab Readers. Depending on the child, it might be ten minutes, or it might be an hour. Some kids could read an entire little book in a few minutes, while others were exhausted after only four pages. Because each child is so different, I think it is necessary to set a pace that matches the child’s ability rather than to think in terms of a set number of minutes each day. For all the children--including the one who did not read until he was age ten--the best motivation was their own personal interest. Once they discovered something that they really wanted to know about or enjoy, they really wanted to read.
6. Meal planning; do I plan out meals, do mega cooking etc?
Reply by robin betz:
Do I plan out my meals each week: yes but sometimes very loosely. The reason I can do this loosely is that I DO have a lot of food stored in the freezer. This is what has transpired and has worked for our family for years. I have frozen soup, burritos, chili, spaghetti sauce, enchiladas, muffins, cookies, in the freezer, so, for a meal, I just warm up a complete dinner and add to it to the best of my ability for that day i.e.: on a busy day, ‘here, enjoy your burrito and carrot sticks, eat up!!” on a slower day, I set out lettuce, salsa sour cream, and guacamole! Make sense? I spend an average of 15 minutes preparing a meal but I’m able to present to my family a nutritious appealing table. We do sit down for 3 meals. I forgo snacks most days; except for me and the older kids! Famished kids will eat anything and a closed kitchen means the kids are doing their school or chores! J
-I rarely MEGA cook in the sense of how some woman do this VERY planned out once a month or every other month.
- I do Mega cook when it seems right, in very large quantities – about 2x a year.
- I ALWAYS ‘mega cook’ in at least large enough quantities for 2-3 meals about 2 times a week.
- Cooking like this can fill your freezer very quickly and it won’t feel so overwhelming on the budget or the body!
- when we do our big mega cook I usually choose 5-7 meals that are faves and are good for that season and we make 6-8 meals of both. I have 8 ‘men’ eating at each meal and 5-7 girls depending on if my daughter is home. Its allot to cook for! I might do this right before school starts and again later winter. I usually spends some time organizing, talk to my husband about money (he always budget an extra $500.00 2 x a year for this but sometimes it gets ‘eaten’ into! Pardon the pun!)
Then I ask him or a few of my teens/tweens to help me to shop and to be ready to help me to manage the food when I get home. Sometimes this means chopping, bagging or frying up beef or cooking off chicken breast.
Then the next day I cook all day ending late in the evening when my husband will help me to put it safely into the freezer. I do things to ‘rush’ the job like making homemade chili but I’ll plan to throw in two big bags of corn to cool it off fast!
-Other than that, I make usually about 2 ‘big’ meals a week
- I make two ‘baked goods’ a week.
- I make at least 2 hardy salads like a chicken salad with a lot of celery, grapes, maybe brown rice to stretch it. Another favorite is a quinoa salad with alto of herbs, veggies and later in the week I might add in some chicken.
- For breakfast we have oatmeal about 4 mornings a week. Other morning we’ll have homemade French fries and homemade turkey meat balls, homemade granola or homemade muffins with a shake of some kind.
- Lunch and dinners are about the same. Usually for about 2 lunches we’ll have left over’s and for dinners, usually about one dinner is left over’s.
-Fridays are almost always tuna or nachos for lunch and a veggie soup or burritos for dinner. We always have a big salad or steamed broccoli w/it.
-we make a lot of homemade protein cookies or muffins packed with nutrition that I often eat 2x a day with a latte or tea.
- by having the homemade muffins and cookies on hand and the home made hearty salads, I can pack a cooler very quickly when we are leaving to go somewhere to make sure we have hearty food, are not tempted to eat out and are not too cranky!!
- I spend money on clear bags and containers. We bag almost all of our meals in gallon bags and label them. Freeze them flat and stack them flat. I purchase the clear single serving or quart containers from cash and carry to package food to go in; these I also use to put left over’s in. by seeing what is in the container I find I save time and waste less. We re-use all of these containers as much a practically speaking.
- I am happy to share more specifics and recipes with you. I have tried to notate the changes I’ve made through the year to accommodate for a large family.
- you should also know that I asked our local grocery store if I could purchase in bulk there and I’d bring all/most of my shopping to them. They were thrilled; they let me purchase anything I want by the case for cost plus 10%. It’s amazing savings. I found a few families to share stuff with me and we have an extra fridge. I.e.: we purchase a huge case of bananas for less than $20.00, if some start to go bad I just freeze them and then we do a mega cook of healthy banana muffs. Ideally one would have compost so you could more easily rid of any waste, but, for now we don’t. In purchasing this way we have a lot of fresh veggies and fruit on hand and we are saving a lot of money. My next goal is to switch to organic.
- I also shop at:
Costco 2x a month: mostly toilet paper, paper things, sour cream, salsa, olive oil, raisins, coffee, rice crackers, carrot juice,
Azure standard 1x a month chips, tea, peanut butter, nuts, quinoa, flax meal, cereals, dried fruit,
Cash and carry every other month: oat meal in the 25# bag but we buy 2 usually, coffee syrups, storage containers both heavy duty for storing grains and the disposable kind.
Shaklee 1 x month: we purchase all of our cleaners, proteins and vitamins, shampoo, face cleansers etc
7. Health issues; dealing with going to doctors and hospital often:
Reply by robin betz
It was a bitter sweet realization how many homeschooler are struggling with this dilemma. On the other hand, homeschooling is truly a blessing when it comes to shuffling it all to fit in all that is required when there is chronic illness to deal with. At the same time, it is most often best to home school all, or have all in traditional school of some kind; that being said having all of the other kids to take care of while running around and caring for the ill child is the real issue!
The financial situation and practical helper situation will be different for each family but the fact is; those of us with medical issues on going in our family need more help of some kind. What kind of help is the question? Always going back to the advice of making prayer and exercise for mom and dad the core of one’s day will enable each family to determine what their needs are. One will also be able to see more clearly what stage you are at; a stage of letting all things go for this is a time of ‘getting by’ or a stage of staying firm in ones plans, sensing that this family needs stability right now.
If you are like me you are constantly being fed from other well meaning homes cool peers, ‘relax, put the books away, there’s time for that later, take care of the family now!” well, with situations like ours that would mean indefinitely. If our child was in a life threatening stage (we’ve been there) we’d do that but for the most part, the routine and the schedule and the consistency of schooling brings about greater peace for all.
We do need to accept that we cannot participate in committed activities like others can, for the most part. It would not be prudent to set up for failure that way; making 2 out of 10 practices or meetings; my gut tells me this world not be profitably or esteem building for anyone. It’s not practical to bring school to the hospital; the expensive and necessary supplies are devoured by the van and the waiting room. A note pad for writing letters, a stack of flash cards or inexpensive readers on the other hand are ideal; so what if you never see them again.
Consider hired help period. I thought we could not afford it until I was on my deathbed. Viola; we found the money. Find it. Budget for it. Pray for it. jump at any opportunity that has possibility i.e.: a gal just came my way in need of money, she has a baby attached, she is a strong catholic and I felt I could talk to her right away; there was a peace. Her baby is attached and her first suggestion of what she’d like to earn per house was over double what I planned to pay her. I continued the dialogue; although it is NOT ideal, there are so many ‘pros’ to this that I’m going to invest in this possibility. If I invest and this does not work out; I’ll trust this is God’s will.
Make plans, lists and schedules that are easy for others to take on while you are away. For example, a huge help for me is when someone else will walk through my kids ‘tick’ lists with them. Their lists include chores, music and other daily responsibilities. I ask the person who has kindly offered to help me out, ‘will you please move through this list, have the child prove to you that they have done these things with integrity. Don’t just ask the child, but have them show you proof!” by my taking the time to write this up, this enables someone else to take my role. Type up expectations for each chore; we have a list of ‘to do’s in the bathroom inside the bathroom cupboard listing my expectations for a clean bathroom. When the child says, ‘I’m supposed to clean the bathroom.’ The helper can use the list as the ‘bad guy’. Too often things get out of whack and we fall behind because so much is done half way when I’m not around. After a long day of caring for a child, going from hospital to clinic, and coming home to piles of laundry and partially accomplished chores; it’s disheartening yet those at home felt they did the best they could with what they had to work with.
Planning and clearly scheduling sets everyone ups for success. Clearly state the consequences for those who do not comply.
Write out a general routine for the day so the helper can follow through to keep stability in the home in this way.
When people offer to bring food, suggest a variety of things include paper goods but exclude dessert; feeding your kids who are yearning for you sugar and letting them indulge in videos on a regular basis is not a gift to anyone in the long run. We must keep in mind this is not a short lived crisis time; this is an ongoing chronic situation and we must adjust our lives accepting that we are chosen, unique and therefore our lives will not be like the friend who does NOT have a child, or children with these needs. Period. Pray for enlightenment, pray for creativity, pray for the wisdom to know what your family really needs.
Maintain the weekly intimate dates and also the ‘business’ time with your husband; you need this NOW more than ever, NOT less. Again, if it was a crisis week that is one thing but for most of us this is ongoing. We need this date and exercise and prayer time more than ever!
25. I have a 13 year old son and 10 year old daughter. I switched to Saxon Math from Modern Curriculum Press when my son was in 4th grade, and it's worked very well for us so far. My son just finished Saxon 8/7. I have heard from two or three people not to use Saxon for Algebra. I was wondering if others share this opinion, and if so, what your recommendations for Algebra are. I will appreciate any advice you can share.
Reply from robin betz:
My experience has been this; to pick a program and to stick with it. We follow MODG as much to the’t’ as we are able for all practical purposes. I would definitely sway from this if I felt a need; thus far, except for this year, I have never felt that need. (This year we are having our son who was in the accident do 'teaching text books' for algebra II instead of Saxon ONLY because he was only 2/3 of the way through the book when the accident happened. After her recovered enough to study a bit, we did NOT want to overwhelm him /punish him and have SO much school left for the duration of the summer or to add to his next year. So, we let him do the bare basics, which was up through lesson??? And then told him he could be finished. That being said, Teaching Text books is far less rigorous and has an easier program to follow so we rectified the situation by having him use TT this year for Algebra II. Make sense?) So, this is our 'formula for math':
-we do ABeka work books up through 3rd grade math (I say this cuz most of my kids do abekka 3 in 2nd grade),
- Then starting in 4th grade level, we switch to Saxon,
- In 7th grade we DO include Algebra 1/2 (some families skip this. I figure I'd rather have them have a sound /strong concept than to be so far ahead. We can discuss this if this does not make sense).
-We do alg 1/2, alg 1 then, Jacobs Geometry ( I sign the kids up for the chat class via MODG; we've had two kids with and 2 kids w/out this. it feels good to have MODG as the 'moderator' for this class. I still work with my kids about 2 hours a week when in geometry quizzing them and letting them do a bunch orally.
- Then following Geometry we do Algebra II in 11th leaving 12th grade for any other kind of math class depending on where the student is heading for college.
- keep in mind we also expect the kids to show ALL of their work and to bring their work to me as soon as they are finished. They then make their changes corrections in a timely manner.
- We keep a grading sheet at the front of the binder to make it easy to calculate their grades.
-BUT, let me add, we DO purchase the DIVE cd's that go with the Saxon work. Our formula for daily lessons is this:
Students to ALL the practice problems. They do half of the lesson, one day 1-15, and the next day 16-30 of the NEXT lesson. If they seem to have trouble then I might ask them to do the remainder of a lesson. If they are struggling I first ask, 'did you read the chapter?", then I ask, 'did you watch the DIVE?" thus far, if my child does all of this, we're left with little to no issues.
Let me show you an example in case this is foggy;
Monday lesson 1 all practice and problems 1-15
Tues lesson 2 all practice problems and problems 16-30
Wed lesson 3: all practice and problems 1-15.
26. First of all, you mentioned that you include Algebra 1/2 in 7th grade. Does this mean in addition to Math 8/7? My son just finished 7th grade and we used Math 8/7. Would you recommend doing Algebra 1/2 in 8th grade or go right to Algebra 1? Please bear in mind that he does not like math at all, so even though he does fairly well, it's a struggle for him.
Reply from robin betz:
As for doing algebra 1/2 in 7th grade, NO, NOT in addition, I had mentioned earlier that my kids usually start abbeka 3 in 2nd, then Saxon 5/4 in 3rd, and so on; hence, by 7th grade they are ready for algebra 1/2. (4tth grade they are in 6/5, 5th grade they are in 7/6, 6h grade they are in 8/7, 7th grade they are in alga 1/2.) I think once we strayed from this but the most important point I was trying to make was the order of what we did, namely, INCLUDING algebra 1/2, whereas some families choose to opt out. Perhaps if you KNEW your child was headed for advanced math, if you or your husband were math whizzes, then I could see moving at a faster pace, otherwise, I recommend going slower. You don't want your child to be in high school and because they are so far advanced they HAVE to take really advanced math classes simply cuz you chose to push them. Make sense?
And, noting that your child does NOT like math, again, I'd recommend going slower by including alg 1/2 regardless of what grade he does it in. make sense?
27. The other thing I wanted to know is if you have any kids in college. The reason I had been given for not using Saxon for Algebra is that it doesn't prepare them well enough for college level courses. Have you heard this or found it to be true? I would prefer to stay with Saxon since I think the "incremental approach" is helpful for my son; but I don't want to put him at a greater disadvantage than he may already be because of his dislike for the subject.
Reply from robin betz:
I have two in college right now. I have not heard that it does NOT prepare one; the only thing I DID hear was depending on what grade they are in when they are taking Geometry, get it in BEFORE the 11th grade testing PSAT and moving on into SAT /ACT etc.
28 How do you manage a child that has a lot of pride? They don't like to be taught, scolding doesn't work, lecturing doesn't work, incentives don't work to motivate them, punishment (i.e. taking things away) doesn't motivate them, physical punishment doesn't motivate them, etc. What else is left???? How do you get this child to be "on your side?"
Reply by robin betz:
I've learned a lot through the years about possible reasons behind WHY a particular child is acting a certain way. Above all, maybe we'll never know, and maybe, even if a doctor or other person labels them something, we'll find out they were way off. All I do know is I two kids of whom NOTHING seemed to work until I tried a few particular things. I will go into detail but first I'll list a few characteristics that might build my credibility and one's confidence to at least try to always start here.
I have kids who, even with the most calm environment, can be distracted by just a thought or they will begin drawing on their paper or who will still NOT be able to move forward (and are usually distracting others!) I have kids who so very extremely feel/see that there is ONE way of doing things i.e.: start at a certain place on the paper, use a particular pen or pencil, and sit in a particular chair. I have a child who will just sit there and say, ‘I can’t do it’. I can list reward after reward and you can see the desire to do it, but they are frozen! I really feel their inability, they are trapped...by what? It’s scary sometimes!
I have a child who is seemingly a perfectionist, I say seemingly because it really is not consistent, but it is present most of the time. In fact, the perfectionist part is so extreme, it's scary, and I feel as if I want to free him from this demon! But, there are times that he's lackadaisical about a particular request, so why is that? I believe that all the things that bring about security for this child are in order; I sense it, I see the results and I feel like hollering, ‘ok, what I did I do RIGHT this time! Lord, help me hone in on this so I can do it over and over again!”
I don’t know if I or any specialist will ever have the 'right' answer or antidote but I do know, in ALL of these cases, I have seen progress when I have these things in order:
- my prayer times and quiet times to really put things in God's hands, to pray for my kids by name and ask to see/feel/sense what is right/best. 'Give me the confidence Lord.' Have you looked at some suggestions from the outline; giving oneself contemplative prayer and family prayer sprinkled throughout the day.
-for the particular child, but all if you are able, (hone in on the ones who are out of balance) give them 15 minutes a day of 'eye to eye' I try to call it; which means really listening. They truly have a 'fear' if that letter’d’ is NOT written the way it should be. This fear is not rational but they are not feeling secure. They need security they are just not sure why; I'd call it anxiety. I believe with all of my heart it is mostly stemming from ME, yes me. As mother, main provider of care and stability; in my case probably my temperament that is not calm and secure with a sense of panic moving from one thing to the next always rushing and reminding that we're going to be late (cuz there is so much to do!). Or other mom's, maybe cuz they are helter skelter and don't have a routine, distracted by the phone or computer and perhaps their house is un-orderly, sometimes to a shocking state. This can wreak havoc on the child's ability to feel secure and it will have to come out somehow!
- Try to get inside the mind and heart of the child; read Brain Lock by Jeffrey M. Schwartz M.D. was an interesting book to read. It was good for me to read because I was trying other things at the same time this book was recommended to me by a person who has ALWAYS been on in evaluating me and my children. She is/was 'on' in guiding me with some of my obsessive kids too but in this case, although the book was helpful, it actually also affirmed some of the other things I was doing.
The 3 main things I recommend doing are: 1. One's own prayer life, 2. Evaluate the balance in one's home/get advice from someone else who, to you, seems balanced and be open to their evaluation, 3. 15 minutes a day of 'one on one', 'eye to eye'. It won't help to ask, 'why do you feel that way?" - they don’t know.' but 'what are you feeling?" 'You know yesterday when it was so important to you to have things you way. I know you didn't like the punishment and I know you didn't like disappointing mommy, and I know you know that sometimes you just have to do what you are told, but you didn't. I want to help you to be happy and to feel good about minding mommy, let's talk about this ok, just you and me." I stand at my child's bed who is in the top bunk, or I take him for a walk away from others so he can be on my lap, so I do mean physically 'eye to eye'.
The touch from parent to child is so important. If they are not open to it (or if you are not naturally this way!) persevere and build that ability to touch and to be close to this child; they need it more than any others! Encourage dad to do the same. Encourage dad to do the 15 min. a day especially if you are feeling taxed and can't do it.
It should be encouraging for you to know that when I've had a child like this (its been more than once) it was bitter sweet for I also saw it as a reason to force myself to give each child 15 minutes; its yet to happen, in fact, after a few weeks of doing this with the one troubling child, we see progress so I begin to forgo my commitment. I used to feel badly about this, but now I don't. I feel like, 'you know, I'm hear 24.7. Hence I'll see the red flag coming and I have; we just right back into the same routine. And, it is encouraging to know this is a ‘bump’ to move over, all the while it is a tendency this child will have into adulthood possibly.
I alert my husband; 'hey, this child needs 'eye to eye', 'one on one'. I'm telling you we often never get to any root or hear any specific 'fears', but we see progress. Simultaneously I am working on my own prayer life and the temperaments of the house. Tadah...progress regardless of completely wiping out a problem. It’s a beautiful progressive cycle instead of a vicious, out of control cycle which we, as moms, especially, are drained by!
So, you've build up this close bond with this child, it's time for school, the attitude starts, all I need to say is, 'so, child, I see you are struggling, (I put my arm around him JUST like I did the day before and the day before that, sometimes taking him into my lap), remember our last talk, remember how you told me _______, you can trust me. I need you to trust me right now, do what I ask and as soon as this assignment is complete, we'll __________, or I'll allow you to take 10 minutes to ________. (Follow through but also bring them right back to move through the next assignment).
I have NEVER had a child NOT melt at the desire to please me and to be free from their fears. They will and you will see this progress and this will feel good to all of you! Keeps this cycle going. If the child does Not comply, or at some point chooses to back slide; I would still follow through with consequences but immediately give them that attention meaning this 'eye to eye' I’m talking about is NOT conditional on their follow through and good behavior; it is atop any discipline etc. i.e.: maybe it's this , 'child, ok, this is wasting your time and mine, I need for you to come and do some chores with mommy to make up for this.' during this chore time, talk if they are open, pray, but after the 10 minutes of chores are done, try to take a few minutes (keep in mind if the 15 minutes of 'eye to eye' is consistent then at times like these, 2-5 minutes can be very satisfying. Take that time right after the discipline time and sit, 'listen, I know your choices not to obey did not bring happiness to you or to me, I believe in you, you've trusted me before, I know you can do this. common', I'll be near you and I'll be here when you succeed and get this assignment completed, ok!?" time like these will get further between.
Lastly, we use homeopathy. I believe homeopathy, constitutionally focused for these kids is a big part of our success.
Back to Brain Lock; here's how I see it. I think his ideas are great and I think they have saved lives, marriages and families; that is awesome. But I felt, from my experience, it was taking this to a certain level, I felt there is so much more, don't settle for that! and, I felt like it was a lifelong remedy of rules to follow for everyone in their life when ideally, the person would grow stronger and grow out of this pattern, only falling back into this patter occasionally. I repeat, the suggestions and information was still helpful and it was especially helpful to get into the mind of kids/ people like this.
Have you ever watched "monk'. Rent a series; even if our kids/ love done are never diagnosed with OCD, like with ADD and ADHD, whose kid are not this way sometimes! In getting into the minds of others we can better anticipate their actions, better feel compassion and empathy for their feelings thus behavior thereby providing us with a clearer sense of where to start and breaking the cycle.
I will close with this; these kids are the ones I’ve most often lost my temper with and spanked in anger instead of control; I’ve felt remorse, gone to confession and sought counseling. I was wrong to lose control but I’m human and I’ve learned. I often thank God for so many kids so I feel like a have a 2nd, 4thn ad 10 chance to prove myself! I am closer to these particular kids than I ever thought I could be to a child; this is a gift. Try to avoid my mistakes but when you fall or when you are so frustrated just remind yourself that God gave these particular children to you, these will be the kids that refine you, challenge you and enable you to enter heaven earlier than another because IF you pick up the cross and see this as a ‘job’ you didn’t plan on but God clearly entrusted to you, you’ll be able to embrace it. take care of yourself and your marriage and you will be easily see this as a challenge and specific task that God has chosen especially for you and it will feel more like an honor vs. a burden!
30. How much do your older kids help?
Reply by Robin Betz:
We believe in earnest that is it our responsibility to empower our children to be functioning members of our family, to contribute from a very early age. My 18 month old, although a rare case, puts the dishes way and most of them away in the correct place! Granted, she is NOT on the chore list but we do include her and tell her ‘we need you”! We believe much of the problems today in our culture are from idle time and the feeling of inadequacy, too much time on their hands, and the lack of belonging. Moreover, the children need to learn the skills, learn what they are good at, where they are lacking, work on some areas and also accept their strengths and weaknesses. They also need to come to understand how their actions effect others, how the timeliness of completing a chore is of value; they must feel the pain if indeed they do not follow through.
We change the chores as needed but in general, about 2 times a year. If a child HATES their chore, I tell them ‘once you have mastered it, and kept up on it for a few weeks at least, I’ll consider switching for you. Inevitably this child has been slacking cuz they dread the chore. If the chore is so gruesome to them that they continue to neglect it, I’ll replace that chore with TWO harder chores; the grass is not greener!
See number 33 for our ‘hire a maid chart’. And here is a sample of our current chore chart for summer. The oldest child at home is listed at top, Tony, moving down to our youngest child on the list age 4.
Summer Chores
Mom checks chores at lunch and after dinner.
2.00 For every daily job that is missed, 5.00 for it not getting done by the end of the day.
10.00 for not getting a weekly job done and add 2.00a day to that each day it is not done
20.00 For every monthly job that does not get done and 5.00 for each day until it complete.
Kids ages:
Tony 18, danny 16, tessa 14, evan 12, gemma 11, willy 9, eliza 7, Julian 6, warren 4, may grace 18 months
Dishes away: gem
Dishes washer Tessa
Floors: Evan
Food: tues: Gem yogurt Thurs: Gem celery and carrot sticks
Rotating laundry Sort/fold and put into bins: 3 loads rotated and 3 baskets put into baskets AND laundry person must also put away the ‘random’ basket including linens etc.
Mon: Danny Tony puts away tony and dad’s and mom’s
Tues: mom
Wed: Tessa Tess puts away w. clothes/bibs/rags into cleaning bins
Thus: Evan gemma puts away May’s clothes
Friday: Gemma
Saturday: Willy Warren puts away bath towels daily
Sunday: Eliza
Julian puts away Julian and hand towels, wash clothes and bibs
Sweeper: am: Gemma, lunch: Evan, Dinner: Danny
Dogs/play/brush and poop scoop –
mond/willy Tues/ Willy wed/gemma thur/evan frid/Dan sat/ Eliza sun/ gem and daddy
Daily, Weekly and Monthly Chores:
Tony: Daily: garbage’s, put away dad, mom and your laundry, Weekly: Mond: organize and take out recycleTues. Garb/recd down Wed match sox Thurs: sweep and mop all downstairs floors including apartment, laundry room, bathroom, hard woods Friday: Vac up, Month by the first sat: front fridge/freezer and car port with Daniel
Daniel: Daily: feed dogs, laundry away, vitamins, piano and guitar
Weekly: Mon: laundry Tues. vacuum up and stairs Wed: vac out dryer Thurs: wipe down all computers Frid. Vacuum Downstairs and organize back apartment including videos/games, dogs. Monthly by the first sat: back fridge and freezer and wipe down apartment kitchen well and car port w/ Tony
Tessa: Daily: take vitamins, pocket bathroom in a.m., dishes all day, piano and violin
Weekly: Mon. clean bins Tues: dust downstairs and organize piano/violin stuff Wed. laundry Thurs: organize pantry Frid. Big van Sat: Monthly by the first sat: clean school room (1 hour)
Evan: Daily: vitamins, laundry down, sort and start a load, floors all day and swiff when needed, put away your laundry, piano Weekly: Mon: organize snack cupboard and pantry Tues: my desk Wed: orgnanize cd’s and piano/violin stuff Thurs laundry and dogs Frid. Deck Monthly by the first sat: organize work bench and garage
Gemma: Daily: Laundry, vitamins, garbage at each meal, put dishes away all day, put Mays’ clothes, piano and violin Weekly: Mon. junk drawer Tues: match all female shoes and make yogurt wed: sort all toys in living room and organize front closet and dogs Thurs. C &c sticks Fri. laundry and match socks for 45 minutes Sun: dogs
monthly by the first Sat. Make granola and deep clean the kitchen
Willy: Daily your clothes away, vacuum living room before bed and wipe down boys bathroom at quiet time and counter after each meal, piano and violin Weekly: Mon: drawers under counter and dogs Tues: silverware drawer, dogs wed: front patio Thurs: cupboards under stove Frid. Covered porch sat: laundry monthly first sat: find all scissors, org pencils and sharpen/ pens and fill calendar with pens (at least 20) and vacuum out both dryer vents in the laundry room and under the house.
Eliza: Daily before bfast your bed, pledge of allegiance, girls bathroom, all appliances Weekly: Mon: match socks, tues: dust upstairs wed junk drawer organize Thurs: fill/organize fruit/potatoes/onions etc Frid mini van w/ Warren’s help Sat. dogs Sun: launrdy
Monthly by the first sat: clean out all bath drawers with Julian
Julian: Daily: hand towel, cloth and bibs drawers, make bed Weekly: Mond: fill holy water fonts Tues: organize and wipe our honey/peanut butter cupboard Wed: sharpen pencils in kitchen and school room Thurs: tidy coffee /tea cupboard Friday: Clean out under all beds in girl’s room and silverware drawer
Monthly: help Eliza clean out all bath drawers
Warren: make bed, put away all entry and basket of shoes before bfast, wipe down all chairs and tables after meals, put laundry away fold and put bath towels away
Weekly: mon: sort and organize all boys shoes except dads Tues: organize snack cupboard Wed: straiten books in living room Thurs:stock toilet paper, disperse, unwrap etc Friday: clean out under boys beds and help Eliza with min van
Monthly: scrub out dishwasher
Reply by Julia Fogassy:
Before we started homeschooling, all the older children already had assigned chores. Once homeschooling started, that trend continued. We had a chart on the kitchen wall that showed who-did-what-when. The chores included emptying the garbage, washing the kitchen floor, doing the dishes, cleaning up the table and counters. Sometimes the kids traded jobs if they had a schedule conflict, but they generally kept to the plan. Because we had enough children to go around, no one had to do the same job twice in one week.
Most of the time, things went well. Some children were notoriously lazy and did a poor job, but other children would come along the next day and do a superior job, so as far as the housekeeping went, things were fairly well maintained. We never really did manage to perfect everyone’s character, but at least they learned how to do housework and had the experience of being responsible for regular chores.
I recently met an older woman who was aghast at the thought of requiring children to do regular chores. In her home, she had done all the work and “let her children be children.” She was even very concerned about harming a child’s psyche if you required him to clean his own bedroom and she used her own children as an example of how successful her methods were. Her adult children are good upstanding citizens who clean their own rooms and make their own way in the world and she is sure that they would not have done as well if she had “burdened” them with household chores. When I suggested that she had a very different case because she only had two children, she replied, “Well my dear, I never thought it was a good idea to burden my children with chores that rightly belong to a housewife, and I’ve never thought it was a good idea to burden the world with more than two children.” I just smiled and nodded.
Reply by Meredith Henning: My older kids do help, our age split is 13 (girl) 10 (boy) 7 (boy) and 4 (boy so we often pair up one older with one younger for certain times of the day. I also have quite a bit of laundry help from my daughter, she does most of the folding and putting away and even takes care of any ironing that her father might need :) One of the things that I have found most helpful with the older ones is to make sure they get plenty of chat time with me throughout the day so that when I need them to help with the little list, it's not so much of a drain on them. They are also quite happy to engage in Lego or tea party play to occupy a younger one while I work one on one with someone else for a little while (usually 15-20 minutes spans).
31. How do you explain staying open to life? With such serious medical problems, we have been told that we have a 50/50 chance of them having the same complication with future children. (Even my own mom asked which one of us "was getting fixed" after the birth of my last child.) Ugh!)
Reply by robin betz:
I don’t. Period. I used to but now I don’t. I try to always come back with questions to them if I must, ‘I’m not sure what you are asking?” I’m not sure what you are saying. If I’m brought to it, ‘are you saying you would have aborted Susie if it were you?” ‘Oh, then what were you saying?” I have not had a time that I didn’t pose a question to someone, with charity and sincere awe that the person in question did not end up fumbling and realizing their comments and pointed questions were out of line, inappropriate and in most cases, they themselves, had not thought through what they were saying to me. Do your best to always speak with charity, never malice for they are ignorant of the truth and without the gifts you have. But, I must add, this charity will not come without your choosing to take time to pray and to be fed by your heavenly Father! Their comments will take you by surprise and you’ll spit out something you will regret. If you pray and admit the truth about the culture of death, although sad, you’ll be prepared and armed and ready to spread the message of life and they’ll sense it about you, see it on your face and benefit from your sincere desire to reply to their ignorance.
32. How do you approach the medical community when you have multiple kids with the same problem?
Reply by Robin Betz: IN general I remain distant. I try to spend time contemplating their position; their ignorance. I pray for them. I can feel under attack at time, even by my own family, even my own community (unfounded but true, Satan I’m sure). I do my best to remain strong spiritually and physically when going into the public eye, to the doctor etc and most of all around family who does not support/understand, (nor do they care to). If I’m strong I can sense the appropriate things to say. Sometimes with as bogged down as we get we can end up turning to almost anyone who asks and ‘sharing’. Come to find out later, these just happened to be people in our path and we should have actually, out of prudence, refrained from being completely forthcoming.
It is not phony to aim to show the medical community your joy, and rarely your sorrow. Refrain from complaining or whining to them; call me, call someone else who will understand and free yourself from a well deserves chat session about how difficult life can be with kids with special needs like this. Be prudent in what you say and when you say it to the public medical community.
33. How have you motivated your children (mine are 6, 5, and 1 and maybe one on the way) to complete their morning routines without constant reminders? My children get distracted by many things in the morning. I'd like to have all of our morning routines completed by a certain time each morning.
Reply by Robin Betz:
We eat meals as a family; we don’t eat until all chores are complete and house is tidy; period. Keep in mind ones expectations must be realistic and Mom MUST be around, aware, present and ready to guide, praise and support.
For instance, I might have a list for my kids that age and all, expect the 1 year old, are old enough to look at that list and work through it, but, if I’m on the computer or out running I’m asking for trouble, vs. if I’m in the kitchen cooking or tidying the house while my kids are also doing their chores then we are set up for success. Mom should not nag or prod but perhaps say, ‘so, have you checked your tick list? It’d be nice to have milk with that cereal today, sure hope you decide you want that and choose to get your chores completed in a timely manner!” or,
Make some sort of a list but at the same time don’t make it a burden on you; hold the kids accountable at an early age. For daily prep responsibilities like tidying house, making bed, getting dressed etc I hold steadfast to the ‘food’ thing, and of course anything else that we’d like to do that is enjoyable i.e.: we’d cancel a play date if their responsibilities were not taken care of. If not a meal then something else. If the only thing you have planned for the day is school, meals and chores, you see my point; we all have a sense of hunger and want to satisfy this. The point is, we work as a team, what YOU do make a different to the whole, we’ll all gather when the home is in order. I’d say 20-30 minutes to run through morning chores, throw a load of laundry in, make beds, do one or two random chores, and tidy the bedrooms (cuz you went to bed with a clean house the night before right?)
But if it is a random chore, daily chore etc likes ‘Tuesdays, mike sweeps the front porch’, we move on, I say little but he feels the pain. If he does not do this, I say nothing, but I charge/take money from their savings. My kids from an early age pay for almost all of their needs beyond food, shelter and bare basic clothing. But, we DO give an allowance 1 dollar a year per month starting at age 4.
. This is how we see it; you can do your chore and participate in brining order and harmony to the family or, help to hire a ‘maid’. I, as mom/leader, determine what I’ll do with that situation i.e.: I might hire a sibling to do the chore, I might hire that same child back (at a lower wageJ) to do the chore a different time, I might let the chore go knowing I have some extra cash to do with what I’d like. The fact that they feel the pain of their choice is a must. We repeat the message, ‘you are an important part of this family, we need you, and things will not run as smoothly without you. It’s like the body of Christ - what one does or does not do effects the whole.
Mom checks chores at lunch and after dinner.
2.00 For every daily job that is missed, 5.00 for it not getting done by the end of the day.
10.00 for not getting a weekly job done and add 2.00a day to that each day it is not done
20.00 For every monthly job that does not get done and 5.00 for each day until it complete.
Reply by Meredith Henning:
We like to set a timer and see who can finish their appointed task before the timer goes off. This can include things like getting dressed, making beds, brushing hair, teeth, washing faces, etc. I imagine it's mainly for the 6 and 5 year olds and perhaps they would like to create their own chore charts and be able to put on a sticker or draw a star each time they complete their tasks. I have also been known to put on some upbeat music to get things moving or completed, especially if we need to head out the door for an activity or daily Mass. Then we say special prayers of thanksgiving in the car on the way to our outing thanking our Guardian Angels for helping us with our chores (or patron Saint, etc.) Other motivators that have worked for us is to earn a story with mommy or special treat like a tea party or game of cards or board game when a certain amount of tasks have been completed.
Reply by Julia Fogassy:
I guess it would be accurate to say that we never had a morning routine. The only routine things we did were school work and chores in the afternoon and evening. Mornings were laid back because for a good many of our homeschooling years, my husband did not go to work until noon. We got up around 10 am and had a leisurely breakfast. After Dad left, we got to work on school things. Only then was it necessary to think about motivating anyone.
With two of our children I have found it necessary to stoop to bribery--just to get through reading and math lessons. The other children were either self-motivated or willing to be led, but these two were a real challenge. I used gummy bears and pennies at first. Their ability to focus was so fragile that it had to be frequently bolstered. At first, it had to be an immediate sensory reward--a gummy bear in the mouth. Then we graduated to pennies. I hung a sock on the wall above the table where they were working and each time they made a letter or number that was well formed I’d drop a penny in the sock. At the end of the week, they could spend the pennies or save them for some future purchase. As they got older (second grade) I used nickels, and eventually dimes, but the rewards got farther and farther apart. By the end of second grade we saved up coins for a month before they got to spend them. I told myself that even though bribery was less than ideal, that over time we were at least making progress by extending the gratification from immediate to a month away.
The other children were generally compliant with their work and their chores, but if there was a deadline to meet, I would sometimes encourage prompt completion of duties by promising everyone a milkshake or a doughnut. I was amazed at how fast they could move when gastronomically motivated.
After the meeting, Robin took down questions and started compiling answers. The following is the email we received if we wanted to be on her mailing list. It may not be well organized, but the notes are there, take whatever you can get from it. Robin and David are parents of 11 children, two in heaven, and one on the way about a month before me. She's the first to say she's learned a lot by not listening to hints from God the first time. It was a delight to hear her stories and visit her home. While none of us should strive to BE her, she's well worth learning from. The reason I say that, is that we should all learn to be OURSELVES. As God intended.
Here are the notes, before I lose them!
Dear interested J
I have been working on the questions that some of you have posed. I was going ot wait and send one doc. When it was complete but it is taking me longer than I planned. I thought I would send to you the questions as a comlete a few at a time and then I will send to you the doc in its entirety. I realized it might be easier to also read a few questions at a time then receiving a longer document.
I am not focusing on grammar or order as much as I am getting my thoughts onto paper for you; excuse the lack of quality there and do let me know if you have any questions.
Prayers for you and yours as you prepare for the coming year.
Please pray for me and for my family!
Robin
Homeschooling questions
Some of the main questions posed included:
These questions were submitted to me either via email or via the meetings:
1. I have a 13 year old son and 10 year old daughter. I switched to Saxon Math from Modern Curriculum Press when my son was in 4th grade, and it's worked very well for us so far. My son just finished Saxon 8/7. I have heard from two or three people not to use Saxon for Algebra. I was wondering if others share this opinion, and if so, what your recommendations for Algebra are. I will appreciate any advice you can share.
Reply from robin betz:
My experience has been this; to pick a program and to stick with it. We follow MODG as much to the’t’ as we are able for all practical purposes. I would definitely sway from this if I felt a need; thus far, except for this year, I have never felt that need. (This year we are having our son who was in the accident do 'teaching text books' for algebra II instead of Saxon ONLY because he was only 2/3 of the way through the book when the accident happened. After he recovered enough to study a bit, we did NOT want to overwhelm him /punish him and have SO much school left for the duration of the summer or to add to his next year. So, we let him do the bare basics, which was up through lesson??? And then told him he could be finished. That being said, Teaching Text books is far less rigorous and has an easier program to follow so we rectified the situation by having him use TT this year for Algebra II. Make sense?) So, this is our 'formula for math':
-we do ABeka work books up through 3rd grade math ( I say this cuz most of my kids do abekka 3 in 2nd grade, so adjust this according to the grade your child would be doing it in, the point is the order I do it in and the general age)
- Then starting in 4th grade level, we switch to Saxon, (which for my kids is usually in 3rd grade)
- In 7th grade we DO include Algebra 1/2 (some families skip this. I figure I'd rather have them have a sound /strong concept than to be so far ahead. We can discuss this if this does not make sense).
-We do alg 1/2, alg 1 then, Jacobs Geometry (I sign the kids up for the chat class via MODG for Geometry; we've had two kids without the class and one child has taken the class. We felt the class was worth the time and money; they use a ‘white board’ on their computers and meet 2x a week. It feels good to have MODG as the 'moderator' for this class. I still work with my kids about 2 hours a week when in geometry quizzing them and letting them do a bunch orally.
- Then following Geometry we do Algebra II in 11th leaving 12th grade for any other kind of math class depending on where the student is heading for college.
- keep in mind we also expect the kids to show ALL of their work and to bring their work to me as soon as they are finished. They then make their changes corrections in a timely manner.
- We keep a grading sheet at the front of the binder to make it easy to calculate their grades.
-BUT, let me add, we DO purchase the DIVE cd's that go with the Saxon work. Our formula for daily lessons is this:
Students do ALL the practice problems. They do half of the lesson, one day 1-15, and the next day 16-30 of the NEXT lesson. If they seem to have trouble then I might ask them to do the remainder of a lesson. If they are struggling I first ask, 'did you read the chapter?", then I ask, 'did you watch the DIVE?" thus far, if my child does all of this, we're left with little to no issues.
Let me show you an example in case this is foggy;
Monday lesson 1 all practice and problems 1-15
Tues lesson 2 all practice problems and problems 16-30
Wed lesson 3: all practice and problems 1-15.
#2
I'm looking for any help organizing my time and schooling with only 'littles'. My children are 6, 4, 2, and 6mos. Especially since #4 was born I feel I can only handle the house or the schooling, never both. Any suggestions on how and when to focus on schooling would be great. I've enjoyed Fly lady and the Large Family Logistics site. I'm also the 3rd oldest of 10 from a homeschooling family so you'd think I'd be able to figure it out, but I'm at a loss as to how to manage it all with children who mostly need me to walk with them every step of the way. Any insites would be great.
Reply from robin betz:
In short, you should only NEED to be schooling about 60-90 minutes a day…is that about what you are doing? If not, let’s discuss that. If you are but you are still feeling overwhelmed, let’s talk about any extras that might need to be altered.
Are you making sure prayers are a priority?
Are you making sure exercise is a priority?
Is marriage a priority?
Are you distracted by the computer or phone or unexpected interruptions?
Is there some sense of order to your day? To your home?
Are there too many things around?
Are there things that are making your life a big mess? i.e.: so many toys that when you finally do school the kids trash the place and the work load is unmanageable?
Are your chores organized so you feel a sense of accomplishment but NOT always working with nothing to show for it?
Let’s start there; just take a minute to consider the above and I bet you’ll be able to hone in on where the issues lie. It will give us a place to start.
3. From looking at your schedule it looks like you have time scheduled each day for your children, is this doable?
Reply from robin betz:
I do have time with my kids each day, this is what I’ve found: about 1 hour a day per child once in school is ideal to plan for and this is why (I’d say more like 90 minutes the first year they are learning to read would be fair to plan for) :
Before the year they are ready to learn to read, which is anywhere from age 4+ to 5+, I just give busy stuff here and there and feed their desires. I work throughout the day on formation, obedience, joy, chores, learning to put things away, doing chores correctly, going to bed and staying there, getting up and getting dressed promptly, learning that what mommy says, mommy means! (Yesterday my 18 month old, as I emphatically told her she must stay on her bed, she pouted back at me ‘Robin, you’re mean!’. I was affirmed more than ever that I was doing the right thing; I lacked NO confidence!
The year they are ready to read until about 3rd grade ,I sit with them and do ALL of their school; basically I get it out of the way, including ; phonics, reading, handwriting, math, religion, and poetry. I’ll combine them with other kids or have other siblings oversee their science, geography, music etc.
4-6th grade I spend about an hour a day ‘going over’ their work, making sure they did it, grading etc. these are the years I have a tendency to let them soar and become very independent, which is good in many ways, but, this can lead them into temptation to lie and cheat as well. It can come along very innocently; when asked if they completed a paper or assignment, a vague ‘yes’ might really mean…’I plan on starting it!” The time I give to this age of child will often be broken up but it is scheduled i.e.; they might go off and do their math and science, bring it to me when it is complete, I will correct it while they work on their worldly wise and Latin. They will STAY there and correct their mistakes in math and science so it is finished for the day, then stay there and complete WW and Latin; ending with me quizzing them in Latin and hearing their poetry. That, all together took probably 30 minutes. They’d then leave to do the rest of their school, coming back to me at a set time to do the same. By the end of the day, they are DONE, we are finished and I know they are on track.
7th – 12th, I sign them up for as much support as we can afford/be part of through MODG. I still save that hour a day to read/go over:
7th grade: grammar and history/religion
8th /9th: check that they are on top of things, read some religion and history with them, correct math, go over papers and essays
10th: quiz them in geometry 3-4 days a week to help them to move along, read over religion and history
11th – 12th: religion and history; check that they are on track, read over papers before they send them into their TA.
So, I have been spending about 8 hours HANDS on with my kids for the last few years and it will be this way for the next decade at least but I’ve had 8 kids actively in school for the last few years. Every time one leaves, at least one more joins the schoolers! J My point is, I think it is safe to say to budget about 5-6 hours a day for hands on schooling if you have 5 kids.
4. It looks like you do summer school, is that true and why?
Reply by robin betz:
As for summer school: for the most part, I find that having them have some sort of schedule is really helpful. I try to evaluate in the spring what we can let go and what we should work on. And, I try to move ahead in some subject I find more challenging so the kids feel ‘ahead’ (and so I do too) so we can slow down later on. Some things, it seems, we can move ahead exponentially if we can just hone in on them. If we do them mixed in with 7 other classes or more, it can feel overwhelming.
And, this fall I am going to have a baby so I felt it would be a good summer to really focus on school. I am paying my daughter carlike to help me!
5. it looks like you have your children read each day, how long do the little ones read?
Reply by robin betz:
As for the amount of time I have the little kids read: when just learning to read, oh, the usual time to get through one reader while reading to me or a sibling. Then, we have a quiet time EACH day for 1-3 hours. It usually goes like this:
First hour (or 45 min.) quiet reading. Usually the school required book
Second hour: playing legos quietly or reading to one another, or finish that early and let them watch a video if they were angelic
Note: My boys do NOT find a passion for reading as early as my girls, but, then when it catches on, I can’t get a book out of their hands. And, they will hide a ‘leisure’ book inside a school book. I have found at about 3rd and 4th grade if you can get them hooked on a series of books i.e.: hardy boys, box car, Betsy Tacy Tibs, then this will go far. This is the age, if they do NOT like to read, to let them read at a lesser level in that they can find the joy in reading. Invest in books that bring their passions out: sports or adventure for boys perhaps, horse books or fantasy ….you know what I mean.
Reply by Meredith Henning:
By not knowing what age your "little ones" are is a bit difficult to answer, but once my children are able to read somewhat fluently on their own (anywhere from 4 - 7 years old) then I have them read aloud to me for about 10 minutes each day (or less, depending on the material). Anyone older than 7 will read for 1/2 hour - 1 hour independently as well as their reading during school/learning hours. This can also happen spontaneously throughout the day. I also make sure the new readers are present at the time when I am reading aloud so they can continue to build their "ear" towards hearing good books read with inflections and proper enunciations, etc.
Reply by Julia Fogassy:
For most of the kids, reading has never been an issue. Once they could read, they read well and often without any prompting. For one of our children, reading did not “happen” until he was nearly ten years old. Even at ten years, it would have been cruel and unusual punishment to require him to read for ten minutes per day. And the other children didn’t need any requirements--so we didn’t have any.
As the children were first learning to read, we did have regular reading time. They read aloud to me from beginning-level books like the Mad and Tab Readers. Depending on the child, it might be ten minutes, or it might be an hour. Some kids could read an entire little book in a few minutes, while others were exhausted after only four pages. Because each child is so different, I think it is necessary to set a pace that matches the child’s ability rather than to think in terms of a set number of minutes each day. For all the children--including the one who did not read until he was age ten--the best motivation was their own personal interest. Once they discovered something that they really wanted to know about or enjoy, they really wanted to read.
6. Meal planning; do I plan out meals, do mega cooking etc?
Reply by robin betz:
Do I plan out my meals each week: yes but sometimes very loosely. The reason I can do this loosely is that I DO have a lot of food stored in the freezer. This is what has transpired and has worked for our family for years. I have frozen soup, burritos, chili, spaghetti sauce, enchiladas, muffins, cookies, in the freezer, so, for a meal, I just warm up a complete dinner and add to it to the best of my ability for that day i.e.: on a busy day, ‘here, enjoy your burrito and carrot sticks, eat up!!” on a slower day, I set out lettuce, salsa sour cream, and guacamole! Make sense? I spend an average of 15 minutes preparing a meal but I’m able to present to my family a nutritious appealing table. We do sit down for 3 meals. I forgo snacks most days; except for me and the older kids! Famished kids will eat anything and a closed kitchen means the kids are doing their school or chores! J
-I rarely MEGA cook in the sense of how some woman do this VERY planned out once a month or every other month.
- I do Mega cook when it seems right, in very large quantities – about 2x a year.
- I ALWAYS ‘mega cook’ in at least large enough quantities for 2-3 meals about 2 times a week.
- Cooking like this can fill your freezer very quickly and it won’t feel so overwhelming on the budget or the body!
- when we do our big mega cook I usually choose 5-7 meals that are faves and are good for that season and we make 6-8 meals of both. I have 8 ‘men’ eating at each meal and 5-7 girls depending on if my daughter is home. Its allot to cook for! I might do this right before school starts and again later winter. I usually spends some time organizing, talk to my husband about money (he always budget an extra $500.00 2 x a year for this but sometimes it gets ‘eaten’ into! Pardon the pun!)
Then I ask him or a few of my teens/tweens to help me to shop and to be ready to help me to manage the food when I get home. Sometimes this means chopping, bagging or frying up beef or cooking off chicken breast.
Then the next day I cook all day ending late in the evening when my husband will help me to put it safely into the freezer. I do things to ‘rush’ the job like making homemade chili but I’ll plan to throw in two big bags of corn to cool it off fast!
-Other than that, I make usually about 2 ‘big’ meals a week
- I make two ‘baked goods’ a week.
- I make at least 2 hardy salads like a chicken salad with a lot of celery, grapes, maybe brown rice to stretch it. Another favorite is a quinoa salad with alto of herbs, veggies and later in the week I might add in some chicken.
- For breakfast we have oatmeal about 4 mornings a week. Other morning we’ll have homemade French fries and homemade turkey meat balls, homemade granola or homemade muffins with a shake of some kind.
- Lunch and dinners are about the same. Usually for about 2 lunches we’ll have left over’s and for dinners, usually about one dinner is left over’s.
-Fridays are almost always tuna or nachos for lunch and a veggie soup or burritos for dinner. We always have a big salad or steamed broccoli w/it.
-we make a lot of homemade protein cookies or muffins packed with nutrition that I often eat 2x a day with a latte or tea.
- by having the homemade muffins and cookies on hand and the home made hearty salads, I can pack a cooler very quickly when we are leaving to go somewhere to make sure we have hearty food, are not tempted to eat out and are not too cranky!!
- I spend money on clear bags and containers. We bag almost all of our meals in gallon bags and label them. Freeze them flat and stack them flat. I purchase the clear single serving or quart containers from cash and carry to package food to go in; these I also use to put left over’s in. by seeing what is in the container I find I save time and waste less. We re-use all of these containers as much a practically speaking.
- I am happy to share more specifics and recipes with you. I have tried to notate the changes I’ve made through the year to accommodate for a large family.
- you should also know that I asked our local grocery store if I could purchase in bulk there and I’d bring all/most of my shopping to them. They were thrilled; they let me purchase anything I want by the case for cost plus 10%. It’s amazing savings. I found a few families to share stuff with me and we have an extra fridge. I.e.: we purchase a huge case of bananas for less than $20.00, if some start to go bad I just freeze them and then we do a mega cook of healthy banana muffs. Ideally one would have compost so you could more easily rid of any waste, but, for now we don’t. In purchasing this way we have a lot of fresh veggies and fruit on hand and we are saving a lot of money. My next goal is to switch to organic.
- I also shop at:
Costco 2x a month: mostly toilet paper, paper things, sour cream, salsa, olive oil, raisins, coffee, rice crackers, carrot juice,
Azure standard 1x a month chips, tea, peanut butter, nuts, quinoa, flax meal, cereals, dried fruit,
Cash and carry every other month: oat meal in the 25# bag but we buy 2 usually, coffee syrups, storage containers both heavy duty for storing grains and the disposable kind.
Shaklee 1 x month: we purchase all of our cleaners, proteins and vitamins, shampoo, face cleansers etc
7. Health issues; dealing with going to doctors and hospital often:
Reply by robin betz
It was a bitter sweet realization how many homeschooler are struggling with this dilemma. On the other hand, homeschooling is truly a blessing when it comes to shuffling it all to fit in all that is required when there is chronic illness to deal with. At the same time, it is most often best to home school all, or have all in traditional school of some kind; that being said having all of the other kids to take care of while running around and caring for the ill child is the real issue!
The financial situation and practical helper situation will be different for each family but the fact is; those of us with medical issues on going in our family need more help of some kind. What kind of help is the question? Always going back to the advice of making prayer and exercise for mom and dad the core of one’s day will enable each family to determine what their needs are. One will also be able to see more clearly what stage you are at; a stage of letting all things go for this is a time of ‘getting by’ or a stage of staying firm in ones plans, sensing that this family needs stability right now.
If you are like me you are constantly being fed from other well meaning homes cool peers, ‘relax, put the books away, there’s time for that later, take care of the family now!” well, with situations like ours that would mean indefinitely. If our child was in a life threatening stage (we’ve been there) we’d do that but for the most part, the routine and the schedule and the consistency of schooling brings about greater peace for all.
We do need to accept that we cannot participate in committed activities like others can, for the most part. It would not be prudent to set up for failure that way; making 2 out of 10 practices or meetings; my gut tells me this world not be profitably or esteem building for anyone. It’s not practical to bring school to the hospital; the expensive and necessary supplies are devoured by the van and the waiting room. A note pad for writing letters, a stack of flash cards or inexpensive readers on the other hand are ideal; so what if you never see them again.
Consider hired help period. I thought we could not afford it until I was on my deathbed. Viola; we found the money. Find it. Budget for it. Pray for it. jump at any opportunity that has possibility i.e.: a gal just came my way in need of money, she has a baby attached, she is a strong catholic and I felt I could talk to her right away; there was a peace. Her baby is attached and her first suggestion of what she’d like to earn per house was over double what I planned to pay her. I continued the dialogue; although it is NOT ideal, there are so many ‘pros’ to this that I’m going to invest in this possibility. If I invest and this does not work out; I’ll trust this is God’s will.
Make plans, lists and schedules that are easy for others to take on while you are away. For example, a huge help for me is when someone else will walk through my kids ‘tick’ lists with them. Their lists include chores, music and other daily responsibilities. I ask the person who has kindly offered to help me out, ‘will you please move through this list, have the child prove to you that they have done these things with integrity. Don’t just ask the child, but have them show you proof!” by my taking the time to write this up, this enables someone else to take my role. Type up expectations for each chore; we have a list of ‘to do’s in the bathroom inside the bathroom cupboard listing my expectations for a clean bathroom. When the child says, ‘I’m supposed to clean the bathroom.’ The helper can use the list as the ‘bad guy’. Too often things get out of whack and we fall behind because so much is done half way when I’m not around. After a long day of caring for a child, going from hospital to clinic, and coming home to piles of laundry and partially accomplished chores; it’s disheartening yet those at home felt they did the best they could with what they had to work with.
Planning and clearly scheduling sets everyone ups for success. Clearly state the consequences for those who do not comply.
Write out a general routine for the day so the helper can follow through to keep stability in the home in this way.
When people offer to bring food, suggest a variety of things include paper goods but exclude dessert; feeding your kids who are yearning for you sugar and letting them indulge in videos on a regular basis is not a gift to anyone in the long run. We must keep in mind this is not a short lived crisis time; this is an ongoing chronic situation and we must adjust our lives accepting that we are chosen, unique and therefore our lives will not be like the friend who does NOT have a child, or children with these needs. Period. Pray for enlightenment, pray for creativity, pray for the wisdom to know what your family really needs.
Maintain the weekly intimate dates and also the ‘business’ time with your husband; you need this NOW more than ever, NOT less. Again, if it was a crisis week that is one thing but for most of us this is ongoing. We need this date and exercise and prayer time more than ever!
25. I have a 13 year old son and 10 year old daughter. I switched to Saxon Math from Modern Curriculum Press when my son was in 4th grade, and it's worked very well for us so far. My son just finished Saxon 8/7. I have heard from two or three people not to use Saxon for Algebra. I was wondering if others share this opinion, and if so, what your recommendations for Algebra are. I will appreciate any advice you can share.
Reply from robin betz:
My experience has been this; to pick a program and to stick with it. We follow MODG as much to the’t’ as we are able for all practical purposes. I would definitely sway from this if I felt a need; thus far, except for this year, I have never felt that need. (This year we are having our son who was in the accident do 'teaching text books' for algebra II instead of Saxon ONLY because he was only 2/3 of the way through the book when the accident happened. After her recovered enough to study a bit, we did NOT want to overwhelm him /punish him and have SO much school left for the duration of the summer or to add to his next year. So, we let him do the bare basics, which was up through lesson??? And then told him he could be finished. That being said, Teaching Text books is far less rigorous and has an easier program to follow so we rectified the situation by having him use TT this year for Algebra II. Make sense?) So, this is our 'formula for math':
-we do ABeka work books up through 3rd grade math (I say this cuz most of my kids do abekka 3 in 2nd grade),
- Then starting in 4th grade level, we switch to Saxon,
- In 7th grade we DO include Algebra 1/2 (some families skip this. I figure I'd rather have them have a sound /strong concept than to be so far ahead. We can discuss this if this does not make sense).
-We do alg 1/2, alg 1 then, Jacobs Geometry ( I sign the kids up for the chat class via MODG; we've had two kids with and 2 kids w/out this. it feels good to have MODG as the 'moderator' for this class. I still work with my kids about 2 hours a week when in geometry quizzing them and letting them do a bunch orally.
- Then following Geometry we do Algebra II in 11th leaving 12th grade for any other kind of math class depending on where the student is heading for college.
- keep in mind we also expect the kids to show ALL of their work and to bring their work to me as soon as they are finished. They then make their changes corrections in a timely manner.
- We keep a grading sheet at the front of the binder to make it easy to calculate their grades.
-BUT, let me add, we DO purchase the DIVE cd's that go with the Saxon work. Our formula for daily lessons is this:
Students to ALL the practice problems. They do half of the lesson, one day 1-15, and the next day 16-30 of the NEXT lesson. If they seem to have trouble then I might ask them to do the remainder of a lesson. If they are struggling I first ask, 'did you read the chapter?", then I ask, 'did you watch the DIVE?" thus far, if my child does all of this, we're left with little to no issues.
Let me show you an example in case this is foggy;
Monday lesson 1 all practice and problems 1-15
Tues lesson 2 all practice problems and problems 16-30
Wed lesson 3: all practice and problems 1-15.
26. First of all, you mentioned that you include Algebra 1/2 in 7th grade. Does this mean in addition to Math 8/7? My son just finished 7th grade and we used Math 8/7. Would you recommend doing Algebra 1/2 in 8th grade or go right to Algebra 1? Please bear in mind that he does not like math at all, so even though he does fairly well, it's a struggle for him.
Reply from robin betz:
As for doing algebra 1/2 in 7th grade, NO, NOT in addition, I had mentioned earlier that my kids usually start abbeka 3 in 2nd, then Saxon 5/4 in 3rd, and so on; hence, by 7th grade they are ready for algebra 1/2. (4tth grade they are in 6/5, 5th grade they are in 7/6, 6h grade they are in 8/7, 7th grade they are in alga 1/2.) I think once we strayed from this but the most important point I was trying to make was the order of what we did, namely, INCLUDING algebra 1/2, whereas some families choose to opt out. Perhaps if you KNEW your child was headed for advanced math, if you or your husband were math whizzes, then I could see moving at a faster pace, otherwise, I recommend going slower. You don't want your child to be in high school and because they are so far advanced they HAVE to take really advanced math classes simply cuz you chose to push them. Make sense?
And, noting that your child does NOT like math, again, I'd recommend going slower by including alg 1/2 regardless of what grade he does it in. make sense?
27. The other thing I wanted to know is if you have any kids in college. The reason I had been given for not using Saxon for Algebra is that it doesn't prepare them well enough for college level courses. Have you heard this or found it to be true? I would prefer to stay with Saxon since I think the "incremental approach" is helpful for my son; but I don't want to put him at a greater disadvantage than he may already be because of his dislike for the subject.
Reply from robin betz:
I have two in college right now. I have not heard that it does NOT prepare one; the only thing I DID hear was depending on what grade they are in when they are taking Geometry, get it in BEFORE the 11th grade testing PSAT and moving on into SAT /ACT etc.
28 How do you manage a child that has a lot of pride? They don't like to be taught, scolding doesn't work, lecturing doesn't work, incentives don't work to motivate them, punishment (i.e. taking things away) doesn't motivate them, physical punishment doesn't motivate them, etc. What else is left???? How do you get this child to be "on your side?"
Reply by robin betz:
I've learned a lot through the years about possible reasons behind WHY a particular child is acting a certain way. Above all, maybe we'll never know, and maybe, even if a doctor or other person labels them something, we'll find out they were way off. All I do know is I two kids of whom NOTHING seemed to work until I tried a few particular things. I will go into detail but first I'll list a few characteristics that might build my credibility and one's confidence to at least try to always start here.
I have kids who, even with the most calm environment, can be distracted by just a thought or they will begin drawing on their paper or who will still NOT be able to move forward (and are usually distracting others!) I have kids who so very extremely feel/see that there is ONE way of doing things i.e.: start at a certain place on the paper, use a particular pen or pencil, and sit in a particular chair. I have a child who will just sit there and say, ‘I can’t do it’. I can list reward after reward and you can see the desire to do it, but they are frozen! I really feel their inability, they are trapped...by what? It’s scary sometimes!
I have a child who is seemingly a perfectionist, I say seemingly because it really is not consistent, but it is present most of the time. In fact, the perfectionist part is so extreme, it's scary, and I feel as if I want to free him from this demon! But, there are times that he's lackadaisical about a particular request, so why is that? I believe that all the things that bring about security for this child are in order; I sense it, I see the results and I feel like hollering, ‘ok, what I did I do RIGHT this time! Lord, help me hone in on this so I can do it over and over again!”
I don’t know if I or any specialist will ever have the 'right' answer or antidote but I do know, in ALL of these cases, I have seen progress when I have these things in order:
- my prayer times and quiet times to really put things in God's hands, to pray for my kids by name and ask to see/feel/sense what is right/best. 'Give me the confidence Lord.' Have you looked at some suggestions from the outline; giving oneself contemplative prayer and family prayer sprinkled throughout the day.
-for the particular child, but all if you are able, (hone in on the ones who are out of balance) give them 15 minutes a day of 'eye to eye' I try to call it; which means really listening. They truly have a 'fear' if that letter’d’ is NOT written the way it should be. This fear is not rational but they are not feeling secure. They need security they are just not sure why; I'd call it anxiety. I believe with all of my heart it is mostly stemming from ME, yes me. As mother, main provider of care and stability; in my case probably my temperament that is not calm and secure with a sense of panic moving from one thing to the next always rushing and reminding that we're going to be late (cuz there is so much to do!). Or other mom's, maybe cuz they are helter skelter and don't have a routine, distracted by the phone or computer and perhaps their house is un-orderly, sometimes to a shocking state. This can wreak havoc on the child's ability to feel secure and it will have to come out somehow!
- Try to get inside the mind and heart of the child; read Brain Lock by Jeffrey M. Schwartz M.D. was an interesting book to read. It was good for me to read because I was trying other things at the same time this book was recommended to me by a person who has ALWAYS been on in evaluating me and my children. She is/was 'on' in guiding me with some of my obsessive kids too but in this case, although the book was helpful, it actually also affirmed some of the other things I was doing.
The 3 main things I recommend doing are: 1. One's own prayer life, 2. Evaluate the balance in one's home/get advice from someone else who, to you, seems balanced and be open to their evaluation, 3. 15 minutes a day of 'one on one', 'eye to eye'. It won't help to ask, 'why do you feel that way?" - they don’t know.' but 'what are you feeling?" 'You know yesterday when it was so important to you to have things you way. I know you didn't like the punishment and I know you didn't like disappointing mommy, and I know you know that sometimes you just have to do what you are told, but you didn't. I want to help you to be happy and to feel good about minding mommy, let's talk about this ok, just you and me." I stand at my child's bed who is in the top bunk, or I take him for a walk away from others so he can be on my lap, so I do mean physically 'eye to eye'.
The touch from parent to child is so important. If they are not open to it (or if you are not naturally this way!) persevere and build that ability to touch and to be close to this child; they need it more than any others! Encourage dad to do the same. Encourage dad to do the 15 min. a day especially if you are feeling taxed and can't do it.
It should be encouraging for you to know that when I've had a child like this (its been more than once) it was bitter sweet for I also saw it as a reason to force myself to give each child 15 minutes; its yet to happen, in fact, after a few weeks of doing this with the one troubling child, we see progress so I begin to forgo my commitment. I used to feel badly about this, but now I don't. I feel like, 'you know, I'm hear 24.7. Hence I'll see the red flag coming and I have; we just right back into the same routine. And, it is encouraging to know this is a ‘bump’ to move over, all the while it is a tendency this child will have into adulthood possibly.
I alert my husband; 'hey, this child needs 'eye to eye', 'one on one'. I'm telling you we often never get to any root or hear any specific 'fears', but we see progress. Simultaneously I am working on my own prayer life and the temperaments of the house. Tadah...progress regardless of completely wiping out a problem. It’s a beautiful progressive cycle instead of a vicious, out of control cycle which we, as moms, especially, are drained by!
So, you've build up this close bond with this child, it's time for school, the attitude starts, all I need to say is, 'so, child, I see you are struggling, (I put my arm around him JUST like I did the day before and the day before that, sometimes taking him into my lap), remember our last talk, remember how you told me _______, you can trust me. I need you to trust me right now, do what I ask and as soon as this assignment is complete, we'll __________, or I'll allow you to take 10 minutes to ________. (Follow through but also bring them right back to move through the next assignment).
I have NEVER had a child NOT melt at the desire to please me and to be free from their fears. They will and you will see this progress and this will feel good to all of you! Keeps this cycle going. If the child does Not comply, or at some point chooses to back slide; I would still follow through with consequences but immediately give them that attention meaning this 'eye to eye' I’m talking about is NOT conditional on their follow through and good behavior; it is atop any discipline etc. i.e.: maybe it's this , 'child, ok, this is wasting your time and mine, I need for you to come and do some chores with mommy to make up for this.' during this chore time, talk if they are open, pray, but after the 10 minutes of chores are done, try to take a few minutes (keep in mind if the 15 minutes of 'eye to eye' is consistent then at times like these, 2-5 minutes can be very satisfying. Take that time right after the discipline time and sit, 'listen, I know your choices not to obey did not bring happiness to you or to me, I believe in you, you've trusted me before, I know you can do this. common', I'll be near you and I'll be here when you succeed and get this assignment completed, ok!?" time like these will get further between.
Lastly, we use homeopathy. I believe homeopathy, constitutionally focused for these kids is a big part of our success.
Back to Brain Lock; here's how I see it. I think his ideas are great and I think they have saved lives, marriages and families; that is awesome. But I felt, from my experience, it was taking this to a certain level, I felt there is so much more, don't settle for that! and, I felt like it was a lifelong remedy of rules to follow for everyone in their life when ideally, the person would grow stronger and grow out of this pattern, only falling back into this patter occasionally. I repeat, the suggestions and information was still helpful and it was especially helpful to get into the mind of kids/ people like this.
Have you ever watched "monk'. Rent a series; even if our kids/ love done are never diagnosed with OCD, like with ADD and ADHD, whose kid are not this way sometimes! In getting into the minds of others we can better anticipate their actions, better feel compassion and empathy for their feelings thus behavior thereby providing us with a clearer sense of where to start and breaking the cycle.
I will close with this; these kids are the ones I’ve most often lost my temper with and spanked in anger instead of control; I’ve felt remorse, gone to confession and sought counseling. I was wrong to lose control but I’m human and I’ve learned. I often thank God for so many kids so I feel like a have a 2nd, 4thn ad 10 chance to prove myself! I am closer to these particular kids than I ever thought I could be to a child; this is a gift. Try to avoid my mistakes but when you fall or when you are so frustrated just remind yourself that God gave these particular children to you, these will be the kids that refine you, challenge you and enable you to enter heaven earlier than another because IF you pick up the cross and see this as a ‘job’ you didn’t plan on but God clearly entrusted to you, you’ll be able to embrace it. take care of yourself and your marriage and you will be easily see this as a challenge and specific task that God has chosen especially for you and it will feel more like an honor vs. a burden!
30. How much do your older kids help?
Reply by Robin Betz:
We believe in earnest that is it our responsibility to empower our children to be functioning members of our family, to contribute from a very early age. My 18 month old, although a rare case, puts the dishes way and most of them away in the correct place! Granted, she is NOT on the chore list but we do include her and tell her ‘we need you”! We believe much of the problems today in our culture are from idle time and the feeling of inadequacy, too much time on their hands, and the lack of belonging. Moreover, the children need to learn the skills, learn what they are good at, where they are lacking, work on some areas and also accept their strengths and weaknesses. They also need to come to understand how their actions effect others, how the timeliness of completing a chore is of value; they must feel the pain if indeed they do not follow through.
We change the chores as needed but in general, about 2 times a year. If a child HATES their chore, I tell them ‘once you have mastered it, and kept up on it for a few weeks at least, I’ll consider switching for you. Inevitably this child has been slacking cuz they dread the chore. If the chore is so gruesome to them that they continue to neglect it, I’ll replace that chore with TWO harder chores; the grass is not greener!
See number 33 for our ‘hire a maid chart’. And here is a sample of our current chore chart for summer. The oldest child at home is listed at top, Tony, moving down to our youngest child on the list age 4.
Summer Chores
Mom checks chores at lunch and after dinner.
2.00 For every daily job that is missed, 5.00 for it not getting done by the end of the day.
10.00 for not getting a weekly job done and add 2.00a day to that each day it is not done
20.00 For every monthly job that does not get done and 5.00 for each day until it complete.
Kids ages:
Tony 18, danny 16, tessa 14, evan 12, gemma 11, willy 9, eliza 7, Julian 6, warren 4, may grace 18 months
Dishes away: gem
Dishes washer Tessa
Floors: Evan
Food: tues: Gem yogurt Thurs: Gem celery and carrot sticks
Rotating laundry Sort/fold and put into bins: 3 loads rotated and 3 baskets put into baskets AND laundry person must also put away the ‘random’ basket including linens etc.
Mon: Danny Tony puts away tony and dad’s and mom’s
Tues: mom
Wed: Tessa Tess puts away w. clothes/bibs/rags into cleaning bins
Thus: Evan gemma puts away May’s clothes
Friday: Gemma
Saturday: Willy Warren puts away bath towels daily
Sunday: Eliza
Julian puts away Julian and hand towels, wash clothes and bibs
Sweeper: am: Gemma, lunch: Evan, Dinner: Danny
Dogs/play/brush and poop scoop –
mond/willy Tues/ Willy wed/gemma thur/evan frid/Dan sat/ Eliza sun/ gem and daddy
Daily, Weekly and Monthly Chores:
Tony: Daily: garbage’s, put away dad, mom and your laundry, Weekly: Mond: organize and take out recycleTues. Garb/recd down Wed match sox Thurs: sweep and mop all downstairs floors including apartment, laundry room, bathroom, hard woods Friday: Vac up, Month by the first sat: front fridge/freezer and car port with Daniel
Daniel: Daily: feed dogs, laundry away, vitamins, piano and guitar
Weekly: Mon: laundry Tues. vacuum up and stairs Wed: vac out dryer Thurs: wipe down all computers Frid. Vacuum Downstairs and organize back apartment including videos/games, dogs. Monthly by the first sat: back fridge and freezer and wipe down apartment kitchen well and car port w/ Tony
Tessa: Daily: take vitamins, pocket bathroom in a.m., dishes all day, piano and violin
Weekly: Mon. clean bins Tues: dust downstairs and organize piano/violin stuff Wed. laundry Thurs: organize pantry Frid. Big van Sat: Monthly by the first sat: clean school room (1 hour)
Evan: Daily: vitamins, laundry down, sort and start a load, floors all day and swiff when needed, put away your laundry, piano Weekly: Mon: organize snack cupboard and pantry Tues: my desk Wed: orgnanize cd’s and piano/violin stuff Thurs laundry and dogs Frid. Deck Monthly by the first sat: organize work bench and garage
Gemma: Daily: Laundry, vitamins, garbage at each meal, put dishes away all day, put Mays’ clothes, piano and violin Weekly: Mon. junk drawer Tues: match all female shoes and make yogurt wed: sort all toys in living room and organize front closet and dogs Thurs. C &c sticks Fri. laundry and match socks for 45 minutes Sun: dogs
monthly by the first Sat. Make granola and deep clean the kitchen
Willy: Daily your clothes away, vacuum living room before bed and wipe down boys bathroom at quiet time and counter after each meal, piano and violin Weekly: Mon: drawers under counter and dogs Tues: silverware drawer, dogs wed: front patio Thurs: cupboards under stove Frid. Covered porch sat: laundry monthly first sat: find all scissors, org pencils and sharpen/ pens and fill calendar with pens (at least 20) and vacuum out both dryer vents in the laundry room and under the house.
Eliza: Daily before bfast your bed, pledge of allegiance, girls bathroom, all appliances Weekly: Mon: match socks, tues: dust upstairs wed junk drawer organize Thurs: fill/organize fruit/potatoes/onions etc Frid mini van w/ Warren’s help Sat. dogs Sun: launrdy
Monthly by the first sat: clean out all bath drawers with Julian
Julian: Daily: hand towel, cloth and bibs drawers, make bed Weekly: Mond: fill holy water fonts Tues: organize and wipe our honey/peanut butter cupboard Wed: sharpen pencils in kitchen and school room Thurs: tidy coffee /tea cupboard Friday: Clean out under all beds in girl’s room and silverware drawer
Monthly: help Eliza clean out all bath drawers
Warren: make bed, put away all entry and basket of shoes before bfast, wipe down all chairs and tables after meals, put laundry away fold and put bath towels away
Weekly: mon: sort and organize all boys shoes except dads Tues: organize snack cupboard Wed: straiten books in living room Thurs:stock toilet paper, disperse, unwrap etc Friday: clean out under boys beds and help Eliza with min van
Monthly: scrub out dishwasher
Reply by Julia Fogassy:
Before we started homeschooling, all the older children already had assigned chores. Once homeschooling started, that trend continued. We had a chart on the kitchen wall that showed who-did-what-when. The chores included emptying the garbage, washing the kitchen floor, doing the dishes, cleaning up the table and counters. Sometimes the kids traded jobs if they had a schedule conflict, but they generally kept to the plan. Because we had enough children to go around, no one had to do the same job twice in one week.
Most of the time, things went well. Some children were notoriously lazy and did a poor job, but other children would come along the next day and do a superior job, so as far as the housekeeping went, things were fairly well maintained. We never really did manage to perfect everyone’s character, but at least they learned how to do housework and had the experience of being responsible for regular chores.
I recently met an older woman who was aghast at the thought of requiring children to do regular chores. In her home, she had done all the work and “let her children be children.” She was even very concerned about harming a child’s psyche if you required him to clean his own bedroom and she used her own children as an example of how successful her methods were. Her adult children are good upstanding citizens who clean their own rooms and make their own way in the world and she is sure that they would not have done as well if she had “burdened” them with household chores. When I suggested that she had a very different case because she only had two children, she replied, “Well my dear, I never thought it was a good idea to burden my children with chores that rightly belong to a housewife, and I’ve never thought it was a good idea to burden the world with more than two children.” I just smiled and nodded.
Reply by Meredith Henning: My older kids do help, our age split is 13 (girl) 10 (boy) 7 (boy) and 4 (boy so we often pair up one older with one younger for certain times of the day. I also have quite a bit of laundry help from my daughter, she does most of the folding and putting away and even takes care of any ironing that her father might need :) One of the things that I have found most helpful with the older ones is to make sure they get plenty of chat time with me throughout the day so that when I need them to help with the little list, it's not so much of a drain on them. They are also quite happy to engage in Lego or tea party play to occupy a younger one while I work one on one with someone else for a little while (usually 15-20 minutes spans).
31. How do you explain staying open to life? With such serious medical problems, we have been told that we have a 50/50 chance of them having the same complication with future children. (Even my own mom asked which one of us "was getting fixed" after the birth of my last child.) Ugh!)
Reply by robin betz:
I don’t. Period. I used to but now I don’t. I try to always come back with questions to them if I must, ‘I’m not sure what you are asking?” I’m not sure what you are saying. If I’m brought to it, ‘are you saying you would have aborted Susie if it were you?” ‘Oh, then what were you saying?” I have not had a time that I didn’t pose a question to someone, with charity and sincere awe that the person in question did not end up fumbling and realizing their comments and pointed questions were out of line, inappropriate and in most cases, they themselves, had not thought through what they were saying to me. Do your best to always speak with charity, never malice for they are ignorant of the truth and without the gifts you have. But, I must add, this charity will not come without your choosing to take time to pray and to be fed by your heavenly Father! Their comments will take you by surprise and you’ll spit out something you will regret. If you pray and admit the truth about the culture of death, although sad, you’ll be prepared and armed and ready to spread the message of life and they’ll sense it about you, see it on your face and benefit from your sincere desire to reply to their ignorance.
32. How do you approach the medical community when you have multiple kids with the same problem?
Reply by Robin Betz: IN general I remain distant. I try to spend time contemplating their position; their ignorance. I pray for them. I can feel under attack at time, even by my own family, even my own community (unfounded but true, Satan I’m sure). I do my best to remain strong spiritually and physically when going into the public eye, to the doctor etc and most of all around family who does not support/understand, (nor do they care to). If I’m strong I can sense the appropriate things to say. Sometimes with as bogged down as we get we can end up turning to almost anyone who asks and ‘sharing’. Come to find out later, these just happened to be people in our path and we should have actually, out of prudence, refrained from being completely forthcoming.
It is not phony to aim to show the medical community your joy, and rarely your sorrow. Refrain from complaining or whining to them; call me, call someone else who will understand and free yourself from a well deserves chat session about how difficult life can be with kids with special needs like this. Be prudent in what you say and when you say it to the public medical community.
33. How have you motivated your children (mine are 6, 5, and 1 and maybe one on the way) to complete their morning routines without constant reminders? My children get distracted by many things in the morning. I'd like to have all of our morning routines completed by a certain time each morning.
Reply by Robin Betz:
We eat meals as a family; we don’t eat until all chores are complete and house is tidy; period. Keep in mind ones expectations must be realistic and Mom MUST be around, aware, present and ready to guide, praise and support.
For instance, I might have a list for my kids that age and all, expect the 1 year old, are old enough to look at that list and work through it, but, if I’m on the computer or out running I’m asking for trouble, vs. if I’m in the kitchen cooking or tidying the house while my kids are also doing their chores then we are set up for success. Mom should not nag or prod but perhaps say, ‘so, have you checked your tick list? It’d be nice to have milk with that cereal today, sure hope you decide you want that and choose to get your chores completed in a timely manner!” or,
Make some sort of a list but at the same time don’t make it a burden on you; hold the kids accountable at an early age. For daily prep responsibilities like tidying house, making bed, getting dressed etc I hold steadfast to the ‘food’ thing, and of course anything else that we’d like to do that is enjoyable i.e.: we’d cancel a play date if their responsibilities were not taken care of. If not a meal then something else. If the only thing you have planned for the day is school, meals and chores, you see my point; we all have a sense of hunger and want to satisfy this. The point is, we work as a team, what YOU do make a different to the whole, we’ll all gather when the home is in order. I’d say 20-30 minutes to run through morning chores, throw a load of laundry in, make beds, do one or two random chores, and tidy the bedrooms (cuz you went to bed with a clean house the night before right?)
But if it is a random chore, daily chore etc likes ‘Tuesdays, mike sweeps the front porch’, we move on, I say little but he feels the pain. If he does not do this, I say nothing, but I charge/take money from their savings. My kids from an early age pay for almost all of their needs beyond food, shelter and bare basic clothing. But, we DO give an allowance 1 dollar a year per month starting at age 4.
. This is how we see it; you can do your chore and participate in brining order and harmony to the family or, help to hire a ‘maid’. I, as mom/leader, determine what I’ll do with that situation i.e.: I might hire a sibling to do the chore, I might hire that same child back (at a lower wageJ) to do the chore a different time, I might let the chore go knowing I have some extra cash to do with what I’d like. The fact that they feel the pain of their choice is a must. We repeat the message, ‘you are an important part of this family, we need you, and things will not run as smoothly without you. It’s like the body of Christ - what one does or does not do effects the whole.
Mom checks chores at lunch and after dinner.
2.00 For every daily job that is missed, 5.00 for it not getting done by the end of the day.
10.00 for not getting a weekly job done and add 2.00a day to that each day it is not done
20.00 For every monthly job that does not get done and 5.00 for each day until it complete.
Reply by Meredith Henning:
We like to set a timer and see who can finish their appointed task before the timer goes off. This can include things like getting dressed, making beds, brushing hair, teeth, washing faces, etc. I imagine it's mainly for the 6 and 5 year olds and perhaps they would like to create their own chore charts and be able to put on a sticker or draw a star each time they complete their tasks. I have also been known to put on some upbeat music to get things moving or completed, especially if we need to head out the door for an activity or daily Mass. Then we say special prayers of thanksgiving in the car on the way to our outing thanking our Guardian Angels for helping us with our chores (or patron Saint, etc.) Other motivators that have worked for us is to earn a story with mommy or special treat like a tea party or game of cards or board game when a certain amount of tasks have been completed.
Reply by Julia Fogassy:
I guess it would be accurate to say that we never had a morning routine. The only routine things we did were school work and chores in the afternoon and evening. Mornings were laid back because for a good many of our homeschooling years, my husband did not go to work until noon. We got up around 10 am and had a leisurely breakfast. After Dad left, we got to work on school things. Only then was it necessary to think about motivating anyone.
With two of our children I have found it necessary to stoop to bribery--just to get through reading and math lessons. The other children were either self-motivated or willing to be led, but these two were a real challenge. I used gummy bears and pennies at first. Their ability to focus was so fragile that it had to be frequently bolstered. At first, it had to be an immediate sensory reward--a gummy bear in the mouth. Then we graduated to pennies. I hung a sock on the wall above the table where they were working and each time they made a letter or number that was well formed I’d drop a penny in the sock. At the end of the week, they could spend the pennies or save them for some future purchase. As they got older (second grade) I used nickels, and eventually dimes, but the rewards got farther and farther apart. By the end of second grade we saved up coins for a month before they got to spend them. I told myself that even though bribery was less than ideal, that over time we were at least making progress by extending the gratification from immediate to a month away.
The other children were generally compliant with their work and their chores, but if there was a deadline to meet, I would sometimes encourage prompt completion of duties by promising everyone a milkshake or a doughnut. I was amazed at how fast they could move when gastronomically motivated.
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